Here it is...

Moving...

2009-06-15T20:10:00.005-05:00

So, it's been over a month since my last post!

Wow, there is much to talk about.

I recently took the family on a trip to Disney World, and it was fantastic! I haven't had that much fun in a very long time, and I haven't had that much physical pain as well. I will be updating with pictures very soon, but I want to tell you what I have discovered in the last month. See the last part of this post for info on where to find the updates, because this here party will be moving soon...

Since February, a very important part of my life has been changing in dynamic ways. In past posts, I haven't tried to hide the fact that this large part of my life is my relationship with God. This is drastically different from the mindset that possessed me several years ago, and many from those days may not be able to see past who I was to discover who I am.

On with the show...

People don't like religion. They get angry when religious fanatics force their snooty nose into their business. They get defensive when outsiders trash what they see as their life. They get steamed when they feel self doubt and embarrassment. They see this intrusion as the gold-standard to measure all of "those religious freaks" by.

I feel the same way.

When I grew up, I often thought that my home was the buckle on the "bible belt" of America. I grew up hearing messages of "fire and brimstone" that left my soul somewhat numb to the effects of the gloom and doom genre of preaching. It was a regular occurrence to hear about how everything that I really "enjoyed" was going to hold my soul captive. Honestly, I quit paying attention long before I really ever took my little foray into the "things of this world."

I know that sounds extremely critical, and I need to clarify something. The pastor of my youth - Doyle Ferguson - is a man that is close to God's heart. I have no doubt that he heard (and still hears) from the voice of God on a daily basis. What I am saying is that I wish his teaching could have occurred in my present place in life so that I could retain more of what was said. Not everyone is as lucky to have that kind of opportunity for Godly influence in their lives. I am lucky to have a second chance at it now that I am older.

The reason that I grew calloused to those opportunities for growth is that I never cultivated a personal relationship with God. I always left those kinds of things to chance, and I am truly sorry to admit that. Later in my life, I allowed many other things to spoil the chances that I had to repair the broken relationship that was there. With this in mind, I am asking myself difficult questions.

What can I do to keep that from happening to someone else?

What have I done to interfere with another's quest for peace?

How can I stop hurting and start helping?

Love is a peculiar little word. It brings about many different emotions in people. Some have been hurt by it, others did the hurting through it. Some find strength in it, and yet others see it as their ultimate weakness. Things like divorce can tag "love" with the mark of hatred and betrayal. Couples that once were inseparable become bitter through an onslaught of sharp words that are thrown around. Opposing families sometimes join in the fight as well, further distancing the two hurting parties even more. Some have had their worlds crushed by things that masquerade as love, and they cannot ever see their life with "love" playing a vital role again. Perverse things may have broken their soul, and they are glad to be free of it.

I heard a comment on another blog - It may have been the Mars Hill blog - that told about a circle of acquaintances in Las Vegas. These strippers had tattoos that read "Daddy's Girl." These ladies were the victims of molestation at the hands of their fathers, and their tattoos were something that banded them together.

So, love is not always heard and accepted with the same fervor. Telling someone "Jesus loves you" can bring about terrible reminders that have been kept at bay for a lifetime. With this thought driving my intent, I discover that I have to be careful of what I say and how I say it. It becomes much simpler to just show love, and let the action do the talking. Sure, these actions are not always accepted easily either, but they are less abrasive than words. If the action is offered in the true spirit of love, then doors open much quicker than they close.

My Church is taking this summer to do service projects in our community. This is one way that we can show love without having to tell about it. We can start relationships with others around us, and we can build friendships on the foundation of God's love. I heard something both at the Easter Egg Hunt, and at the Block Party at Casa 'de Slemmon's last week.

"So what are y'all doing this for, anyway?"

My response - "You."

"What do you mean, Me?"

"Well, there are enough things out there that take advantage of people. We just want to put something out there that doesn't."

"That's it? You sure that's all you're doing? What's the catch..."

"No, that's it. No catch, no strings attached. We just wanna share our hot-dogs and bounce houses over a free night of fun for you and your family. We hope you have fun, that's it."

"Oh, OK. That's cool, man."

That's usually the last response before guards fall down. People realize that they don't need to be cleaned up for "religious freaks" to start to care about them. They start to see that those "nut-jobs" might not be all that crazy after all. That feeling that starts to soften hurts that have held on for far too long is love, and it's contagious. This kind of love draws people closer instead of polarizing them to the point of separation. This is what we owe our fellow inhabitants of planet Earth - true love.

Borrowing from Penn (of Penn and Teller) - check out the video below. The 3:00 mark is what resonates so strongly with me...

"How much do you have to hate someone..."

Oh, by the way, I am going to stop using Blogger for my blogposts. I have set up an account on Wordpress, and I will be updating pictures from the vacation on it as well. To check it out, click on the link

Grimy Little Kids...

2009-04-13T19:50:00.005-05:00

Wow, it’s been over a month since my last post. Didn’t plan on things taking that long, but I wanted to wait until I thought I had something good to say. After you read this, you may think that I should have waited a little longer...

In the last month, I have re-connected with many friends that knew the person that I used to be. I found that Facebook is kind of nice, and it has opened my eyes to the transformations of many of my previous acquaintances. I also found that it is easy to get lost in the colossal world of social networking. If you are reading this now while trying to figure out the person that you used to know, you will see that I am a changed man.

If you are reading this now and feel that you know the person that I am today, you too will see that I am a changed man.

With that out of the way…

Easter Sunday – Probably the most important day for anyone that even aspires to be religious.

Religious – This word has started to leave a filmy, undesirable taste in my mouth lately. It is easy to get caught up in the web of legalistic, traditional practices that masquerade as sound spiritual guidance.

Salvation – I saw this on Saturday and Sunday of this past week. This is where this train of thought leaves the station. Hold on tight now, kiddies…the ride may get a little bumpy.

We served our community on Saturday morning. That statement makes me feel absolutely ecstatic. We cooked over 1,200 hotdogs, hid over 30,000 eggs, landed a helicopter in our church yard, and had numerous games and door-prizes - all for our community. It was nice to see smiles and hear cheers. It thrilled my soul to see my church filled to capacity with people that just needed a break from stress. It was no secret that many of our attendees weren’t from the side of the city that has hidden from stress of a bad economy. I saw the look of relief (the look that only comes from a burden being lifted) plastered across the faces of countless people streaming through the food lines. I looked as people just kept coming, an endless array of people and kids; families that jumped at the chance for a free lunch and an afternoon of fun. I heard words of gratitude from so many that it started to be overwhelming. I like that feeling.

I saw kids going through the line that were absolutely enamored with the spread of hotdogs, chips, and drinks. It was easy to see that many had not had that kind of treat in sometime…a hotdog, a bag of chips, and a cold soda. I could tell that many had not had that kind of choice in the selection of their treats in sometime…a grilled hotdog with a selection of condiments, three different kinds of chips, and four different choices of beverage. One group of siblings came up to say thanks for the "awesome lunch" as we were starting to clean up. The smallest followed his "thanks mister" with a small request. He could barely see over the edge of the table, but his words smacked me in the soul.

"Do you think I could have one more of those hotdogs, please sir?"

"Did you enjoy them?" I inquired...

"Yessir, they were yummy. I hadn't had one in a long time, and I sure would like another if you have extra." His words spilled out like they had been held in for quite a while. He looked over at his mother to make sure that he hadn't embarrassed her. I know that look, because I gave it when I was young. My exuberance usually got my words out too quick, and jeopardized my request too often. Her approving look was given, relieving both of us.

I tried to not tear up with him standing there. These were no special hotdogs. They were the cheap-o hotdogs with turkey, pork, and chicken. They were Oscar Mayer, but that was as special as it got. They had gotten a little cold from sitting out, and the buns had gotten a little stale from sitting in the sun. My legs ached from standing, and I burned my arms while cooking to start the day off. Not everything had gone according to plan, and I heard many complaints during the day. I have to say, though - none of that mattered at that frozen moment in my memory. The knot in my throat was the size of a basketball. I shook my head yes. and he glanced over at his mom for final approval.

The relief on her face was breathtaking. She motioned towards the rest of her brood - maybe 5 more little kids - in order to request extras for them as well. I thought she couldn't speak English, but I am just now realizing that she was probably in the same predicament that I was in.

I managed a head nod, and they cautiously proceeded to the table. They didn't rush or fall over one another in an attempt to secure an extra treat on this extra special day. They lined up and moved with respect, smiles covering the most room possible on their grimy little fun-stained faces. They all got their extra hotdog, and trotted off with a little more bounce than what they came with. I watched as they walked away, their bags stuffed to the brim with candy and gentle reminders of the true love of Christ. It was one of the most happy moments that I can remember, and one of the saddest at the same time.

My heart breaks now at the realization of what is in my fridge. I don’t care too much for that feeling.

The most heart-breaking realization that I’ve had regarding this past Easter weekend is that over 100 people came face-to-face with Jesus. Over 100 people looked in the face of hope, peace, love, grace, and mercy; just to name a few of His excellent character-qualities. Was this the culmination of weeks of planning, followed by hours and hours of dedication? Was this the result of an absolutely stunning worship service on Sunday? Maybe this was the reaction that resulted from LFA’s action of furthering the cause of Christ in our community. This is a great feeling, but it breaks my heart because it is only pushed with absolute fervor a few times every year. This is where I might hurt some feelings.

Why does it just happen on special events like Easter? Keep in mind that I am asking myself the same question. Would I be willing to dedicate just as much of myself to making this kind of event happen once each month? It would be impossible to cook that same amount of hotdogs and have those same activities every month, but I don’t think that God is asking for that. After all, Jesus fed a whole mess of people with some fish and a few pieces of bread. The intent is what I think He focuses on. I think He is asking us to invite our waiters and waitresses to church more often than the few weeks leading up to our Easter Egg-Stravaganza.

I would also like to see monthly events - smaller in scale if necessary - that minister to our community, but I don’t think that the responsibility should fall on the shoulders of our already stretched church staff. We have over 150 stunning volunteers that give all of themselves – plus a little extra – every time that an event is held. Can’t we make it happen more often?

For the masses that peruse these pages, I ask for your input. Would you be willing to volunteer on a monthly or bi-monthly basis if someone were to do the leg-work to set community outreach projects up? If so, leave a comment at the end of the post and let’s get things rolling.

I would love to see more grimy, fun stained faces...

Fresh Air

2009-03-11T12:22:00.002-05:00

I haven't updated in more than a few days, but hopefully this will make up for the time lag.

I feel like life these days has been like a romantic dinner in a nice restaurant with the one that you love. The dinner has been one that was planned ages ago, and every infinitesimal detail has been orchestrated so that the experience delivers stunning results. Soft music drifts in the background, and the hushed sound of conversations adds to an overall subtle elegance of the evening. You can imagine candlelight and the crisp linen table coverings that match the interior design of an outstanding establishment. The food is exceptional and delightful, and it would seem impossible to improve on the brilliance of the moment.

Then a yelp, followed by the sound of chaos initiating itself. A waiter stumbles and crashes into the edge of your table, propelling the beauty of the moment into a chaotic shower of "good grief, what is happening?" As the world comes to a screeching, grinding. explosive halt, you are left wondering "what...how...where did...huh?" Even the best plans can go awry...

It brings to mind the image of a circus performer spinning plates. When these displays were on the tube in my childhood, I would sit glued to the TV set. The impossible product of controlled chaos that was playing out before my eyes would enrapture my imagination. All that could be said was "how are they doing that?" The artist would dart from plate to plate, tapping and nudging these wads of energy so that the entirety of the picture stayed intact. One dish would wobble, struggling in it's effort to deliver the inevitable, but quick attention kept it at bay. You could almost feel the "snowball-running-downhill" effect. A little saucer goes unnoticed, and then order is restored - quick, loud, destructive order.

Sometime ago, I resolved to not put myself in the position to be the patsy for this kind of spectacle again. I have left jobs, ended commitments, and changed direction more times than I care to admit to, but the chaos usually ends up finding me. This time, I have help in keeping the plates off the sticks and in the cabinet where they belong. I am realizing that a quiet, intimate moment held in my little back yard under the bathing beauty of moonlight can be just as spectacular as the ones held in the fabricated beauty of an elegant dining hall. I guess that what I am realizing is this: the one you are with makes the moment special.

My wonderful wife helps to keep chaos at bay. I don't have to dress things up, or make a big to-do in order to gain her affection. All I have to do is mean what I am doing. Investing time and consideration in the relationship is far more important than the decorations that we have to look at during our time together. In fact, these decorations often provide distraction that takes my focus away from the most important part of the event - her. I never once mentioned the careful consideration that she put into the garment that she wore for the beautiful evening in the opening paragraph. I never described the intricacy that was devoted to her hair style, or the selection of the accompanying jewelry and other accessories that complimented her. This was all lost in the moment.

The same can be said of our relationship with our creator. I allow so much chaos into my life. I give permission to so many things that cause uproar and upheaval, but I seldom ever invest in stabilizing things - things that promote peace.

The other night, I put the kids to bed and ended the day with a moment under the stars. I took my guitar out to the back patio in my darkened yard to sit alone with my thoughts. I played a few chords, and it was amazing how big the sound was. The same strum in the house was wasted on the inanimate objects that tried to soak up the sound. Playing in the yard allowed the notes to dance with the wind. It allowed loving words of worship for my creator to finally escape the chains that held them in my soul. It allowed me to let the plates fall and sweep the pieces of chaos up. The result was a breath of true fresh air.

Spreading the Wealth...

2009-02-27T12:51:00.003-06:00

I am a blessed man. I have friends and loved ones that pitch in at a moments notice with no hesitation to help out with what I wedge myself into. Recently, I cooked a massive amount of food for my Pastor's retirement celebration. My mom and dad cooked 10 briskets and then helped to cut and pan all of the food. My wonderful wife changed out pans and washed dishes for the 20 briskets that I cooked. They took their lives and gave them to me for an entire week. In fact, my parents couldn't stay for the dinner, and my wife wrangled kids while I ate and received thanks. I am honored to have them dedicate themselves to me.

We cooked nearly 600 pounds of meat, and it was an amazing thing to see all of that food being enjoyed by my church family. I received so many compliments that I didn't deserve. I did a simple thing for an extraordinary event, and I wish that people would have directed their thanks and appreciation to the people that decorated and organized a stunning dinner celebration. I am absolutely grateful for the loving words that were piled on me, I just hope that they were even more generous to everyone else that worked and planned the event.

Great food isn't great food unless you have great people to serve it. That same food can't be enjoyed if they don't set up tables so that people can be seated while dining. That dinner wouldn't have tasted as good if the breathtaking decorations were not there to complete the experience. The dinner would have just been a dinner without the carefully crafted planning and orchestration that was done behind the scenes. Tim was even downloading music in the kitchen so that they could present Pastor Carter in style. The same fantastic crew that did all of the back-breaking labor stayed to clean up and polish the place before we left.

I am in awe of their dedication and selfless devotion. They make it easy to volunteer.

Today, Tim is in Dallas picking up a new drum set for me to play on for Sunday. Wednesday night, he and Eddie Goode asked my opinion as to what I wanted to play on. I bared my soul a little, and gave them my list. It felt like talking to Santa months before Christmas. I didn't think that I would get what I was asking for, but I had to answer truthfully. I value their questions as much as I value their friendship. They both admitted that drums and percussion gear were not their areas of expertise.

With that said, I have to say this - If I ever had a question about anything that remotely involved a guitar or stringed instrument, I would go to the scrolls of Eddie Goode for my knowledge. Tim would be the oracle for anything involving piano, sound equipment, electrical innovation, video editing, multimedia presentation, and the list goes on. I am surrounded with people that are passionate about what they do and what is being done through them.

It was an amazing compliment for these men that I hold in such a high position of regard in my life to ask my opinion on something as important in my life as music ministry. After my latest conversation with them, I am honored that my opinion mattered.

All said, this is a great Friday. I am going home on the high of great compliments from great people, and I will get to spend this weekend setting up and playing a beautiful new instrument. For a musician, that is a great privilege. In my job, I was evaluated this week as well. I was once again complimented far more than I deserved to be. I am gratefully humbled.

As I contemplate the week's events, I come to a conclusion: Compliments mean more when the people that are delivering them mean so much to you. Compliments spread joy and happiness.

What are you spreading?

Fortress of Solitude

2009-02-11T20:55:00.003-06:00

I am sitting in the dark in a West Virginia hotel room tonight. We lost our power earlier this evening, and I now know what "dark" means. It seems that God has forced me to turn off the TV and focus on Him tonight. For the record, I am really enjoying it.

I wasn't looking forward to this week. I didn't have joy in my heart for any part of the trip. I dreaded the flight up, the drive to and from the shop every day, the work that I would have to do while I was here, the drive up to Pittsburgh on Saturday, the flight out of Pittsburgh, and the missing my family every second of the week. I really didn't want to travel, and I was a bear for the days that preceded my departure. I have wasted the trip so far by watching TV until my eyes forced my brain into sleep. Tonight, I intended to make an effort to sit and write a bit. I guess that I couldn't fool God, because He took out the cable so that I would have to be a man of my convictions.

Sitting tonight, I have several topics that are stumbling through my mind. I think that I will write about something that took root in my heart last week. I have kids, and they are a tremendous blessing to me. They teach me things when I am teaching them things. I find it humbling that this exchange of instruction takes place, and I am grateful that God uses them to get to me. My topic tonight will cover how they came into this world.

Labor Pains - My wife has given birth to 3 kids in the last 6 years. 3 times, she has watched her body transform into a life-giving chamber. 3 times, her body has grown and stretched to accommodate the miracle of life. I have been impressed with her strength and courage too many times to count, but these 3 moments have been poignant instances of this character as well. She is personally responsible for the most wonderful things in my life on this earth, and I am honored to call her mine.

Birth is the culmination of many months of behind the scenes work. Conception starts the life cycle, and the speed of the process takes flight immediately. Cells start to divide and develop, organs and tissue start to take form, bones and muscles start to give structure and definition, and brain tissue and other electronic impulses forge along in constructing the highway of thought and imagination. It is a busy time just after conception, but the intense and strategic series of events that are orchestrated in the womb will not be felt or seen by anyone for sometimes weeks. The mother senses some discomfort, purchases the pregnancy test, and the rest is just the beginning.

My spiritual life correlates closely to this pattern in many ways. God conceives a thought or dream in my heart. Just like the newly formed fetus in the womb, this growing desire must be fed and nourished properly for it to come into an existence separate from the loving womb that God places it in. Pre-natal care for this new and exciting thing is very important to it's life, and my dedication must be properly focused so that we can both mature correctly. If I don't do my part in guiding this dream along, I could hinder the life of the dream. I will also put myself through a difficult birthing process, and discomfort will force my dedication.

Our first pregnancy was tough on my wife. She was extremely sick, and she lost a great amount of weight. There were times that I hated myself for putting her through what she was going through. I felt guilty because she couldn't eat or smell anything cooking without rushing to another room. During labor, she had to be rushed into a blinding emergency room. The doctors and nursing staff flooded the room and ushered her out of my sight. I panicked and grabbed a nurse that went rushing by.

I am not sure what exactly I said, but it forced her to provide me with a gown and the other necessary equipment that was needed so that I could be a part of the birth. Time seemed to stand still, and I could feel my heart in my throat. The doctor told me about different possibilities that could happen, and my mind started to spin out of control. Words like "Distress," and "Fatal Consequences" assaulted my spirit and heart. I was informed that I stood the possibility of losing both my wife and child if action was not taken immediately. I went from the highest of highs to the lowest and loneliest of lows in a matter of seconds.

The next thing that I knew, I was holding my wife's hand as our precious little baby boy entered the world. His little muffled cry was the sweetest thing that I can remember. It changed everything about me. The birth of dreams that God has given me carries the same magnitude of happiness. The pain that accompanied the growing process enters my mind only when I choose to think about it. The joy that is felt on the "birthday" of those dreams overshadows even the most intense moments of pain that accompanied the labor process. The labor pains are tough, but they are an indication of a healthy and fully matured birth.

There are still dreams in the womb of my heart. I know that dedication will have to take place, and that labor pains will follow. Still, the thought of the tough growing process will only make the "birthday party" preparation all the more momentous.

Inventory Time

2009-01-28T15:22:00.003-06:00

I have started a project that involves the improvement of my soul. I am taking an inventory of my life, and I intend to start investing in the things that help to improve and stabilize my relationship with God. The flip-side of this is the disposal of things that aren't so important.

One of the things that I started to move toward the trash can has shown itself different in a new light. I have seen my job as one of the major things that did nothing for my soul. It provided a living for my family, but it caused heartache, heartburn, and disgust. I often find myself taking on projects that force me to neglect parts of my life that are far more important, and this usually happens despite my greatest attempts to stifle this tendency. I then feel taken advantage of, and I seldom realize that I was the one that set the wheel in motion.

I realized a few weeks ago that it is my choice to honor God in everything I do. This isn't exclusive to just worship services on Sunday mornings at LFA. It has to be a choice that I make each and every day. It has to be a decision that stays fresh on my mind throughout the day, and I am the one that gives into anything that causes me to deviate from that path. In this sense, I have experienced a feeling of freedom lately that has refreshed my mind. I choose to keep God first, and He makes it easy to do so.

My job is in inventory. I track parts that are used and manage inventory investment dollars. A large drive behind this is to make sure that we stock what we need, and we get rid of what we don't need. When I look at this from a spiritual standpoint, I start to realize that God has been preparing me for management of my spiritual investment. In a few days, I will post the list that I am working on. Until then, have you thought about what you have invested yourself in?

Psalms 46:10

2009-01-27T07:56:00.003-06:00

Psalms 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.”

Last night, I resumed my reading of The Purpose Driven Life and I experienced one of the most (if not the most) intense physical encounters with my God that I have ever had. For the first time since the moment of my salvation, I felt truly, absolutely saved. I honestly needed it, and God renewed his covenant of love with me in that moment.

When I picked the book up, it was a victory for my soul that resulted from a battle with my flesh. I intended to tune in to the latest edition of sports news, or peruse the airways for anything that would catch my eye. I had just put the kids to bed, and the house was quiet for the first time of the evening. I wanted some time to just be quiet and absorb something until time arrived for sleep. Instead of picking up the remote, I gathered my book and the daily devotional that goes with it, and settled into my chair. As I began to read, my mind was absolutely flooded with junk from the day. Thoughts of work, solutions to problems, concerns with the economy, concerns for friends that are affected by the economy, and many other things were jockeying for position as my mind raced. I honestly couldn't tell you what any of the first page said, and I really wanted to get something out of my reading. I put down the book and said a quick prayer.

I prayed that God would calm the waters of my mind. I prayed that he would lay siege to the battles that were going on in my thoughts, and that He would rid my mind of the concerns and worry that were weighing me down. I wanted to be able to focus, and I couldn't with the chaos that was in progress. It was a quick prayer, but it worked immediately. It may seem ridiculous, but I am a visual person. I try to imagine things when I think about them, and it has worked well for me in the industry that I work in. I work out the solutions in my mind, and then try to convey what I have seen from behind the scenes. I do the same thing when I pray prayers like this.

I visualized choppy seas and a storm. I saw the water as it crested and crashed, and I heard the thunder as it roared across the face of the ocean. I could hear the explosions of the waves as they crashed against each other, and I could see the rain as it assaulted everything that was present. All at once, I felt lonely and vulnerable. I have never been through a storm at sea, but I imagine that it could be pretty intimidating. With no trees or other sound barriers, I imagine that the noise would be absolutely overwhelming, and the thought of it sends me into a panic. As I prayed, the picture in my minds' eye was an ocean that was suddenly and absolutely quiet. The winds and the waves stopped, and the surface of the water turned as smooth as glass. I could almost feel a slight breeze across my face, and I could hear the intense sound of peace. The clouds rolled back, and my soul was bathed in moonlight. I felt peace, I heard peace, and I could see peace. It was at that moment that I heard a slight whisper..."Be still, and know that I am God."

Goosebumps ran down my spine, and my soul started to tingle. In that moment, I realized that I was in the presence of the most powerful, most high God. Regal grace and compassion consumed me, and I felt like a lost child that had been found. My God had seen me, and He was lifting me out of my mind's chaos. There are no words that can adequately describe the feelings that I experienced. I honestly can say that I physically felt the presence of God, and I will not ever forget that feeling.

I believe that God puts things in our heart for us, and He gives us nuggets of wisdom that we are able to tap into in moments where we can't feel Him as closely as we want to. With that said, here is one of the things that God spoke into my heart.

If you are not where you are supposed to be, then it is because something hasn't moved. You shouldn't feel dismayed or tormented over this thought, you should look inward to make sure that you are not what is supposed to be moving. If you are not the issue, then take comfort in the fact that God is preparing the next step.

Our God is the creator of the universe. Genesis 1:1-2 1In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 2The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

Take comfort in the fact that you were put here for a reason. Find sanctuary in the thought that God created everything, and He intended for us to be the caretaker for His creations. Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

Maybe this helps you, and maybe you just feel that I am a little bit crazy for thinking that God would take the time to talk to me. For what it's worth, I am a nasty creature that has a history full of failures. The only thing that I do consistently is fail miserably, and it is also the thing that I am probably the best at.

The thing that allows me to think that God would speak to me is that He created me. He made me who I am, and He intended for me to travel the road that I have travelled. Last night, He welcomed me with open arms, and He washed me clean. He trimmed my hair and made me presentable. He restored me to the place that I was created for, and He put the elegant robes of royalty on my shoulders. He has given me the inheritance that I was created to have, and I am so truly humbled by His generosity. I guess that it holds so much weight because this is not the first time that He has done this for me. I have sought to squander my inheritance many times. I have lived life the way that I thought it should be lived, and I was wrong - every time.

I smile because the prodigal is no longer a long-lost son. I shout praises because I can feel the presence of my Heavenly Father. I have hope and peace because He has me in His arms once again.

Looking at History

2009-01-20T12:42:00.008-06:00

I watched the inauguration of our 44th President yesterday morning, and I saw things play out that my children will read about in their history books one day. I only hope that the things that are written will not include the hateful and arrogant words that were said under the disguise of opposition. I hope that my children will understand the reason behind why democracy grew from a burning fire to a roaring furnace. I hope that the writers are kind to our former President. He made mistakes during his two terms, but I think that he did the best with what he had to work with.

After all, my credit card debt is not his fault. Foreclosures on homes due to shifty loans or loans that couldn't be afforded in the first place are not his fault. Terrorism is not his fault. Crumbling economic structure due to a lifestyle of over-spending and over-indulgence is not his fault. The impending failure of the American Automaker due to years of compromise in order to not anger the union is not his fault. Job losses are devastating, and they have contributed to good people paying for the mistakes of irresponsible people. I seriously doubt that the people that were scamming people out of money with shifty loans even considered the collateral damage of the working American citizen. I was let go from a company that I worked for after 9-11, and my pregnant wife had to work two jobs because I couldn't even find one. I personally have experienced the agony and hurt that goes with being un-employed, but I don't think we can place all of this blame on President Bush. People that own companies don't always do the right thing, and speculation in the stock market helps to crumble financial stability. To help the picture be clearer, I intend to help my kids understand what they read about in their history books by relating the history that I have seen play out in my lifetime.

I was born in a rural town in Northwest Mississippi, just a few hours from Memphis, Tennessee. In the first few of my 30 years, much of the history that I would learn would come from the lips of my parents and grandparents. I would be taught lessons of tolerance and intolerance from people that had seen integration and depression. History books that were written by perfect strangers would seek to re-direct the lessons that I had learned from the people that I respected the most. They may have taught lessons that shouldn't have been taught, but the lesson that was the most important is the one that I hold on to still today. It is the message that makes me proud to see that President Obama is where he is today. It is also the message that allows me to have hope for our country, despite my opinion that President Obama is probably not the right man for the job. Living in the compassion and mercy of Almighty God affords me this hope.

I didn't vote for President Obama, but I believe in what his election stands for. I am proud that today is a new day for racial equality in America. I am hopeful that people will be seen as creations of God instead of people of a particular race. I know that this won't happen overnight, but I do think it has started to happen. I myself have never been slighted because of being "white," so I can't fully understand the plight of the "black" American citizen. With this said, my lack of understanding does not blind my eyes to the tears of joy and celebration that I saw yesterday. I am happy because people that felt oppressed are happy. I am relieved because the chains that some wore around their souls were broken yesterday. Belief in the love of God teaches me that all people should be loved and appreciated - no matter the color of their skin. That makes me proud of what was accomplished yesterday.

I don't think that any man (or woman) can faithfully execute the office of...faithfully execute faithfully the office of Pres...be the President of the United States of America without divine intervention (round of applause for getting through that one.) I pray for President Obama the same way that I prayed for President Bush (43 as the newscasters refer to him) and President Clinton. Despite her faults and failures, we still live in the best country on this planet. Yesterday did not end with the murder of our current leader, and the inauguration was not shrouded in controversy. There was no militant takeover of government by an extremist section of radicals. There will be no persecution of my practice of religion come next Sunday. I will be able to meet and praise God in public, without fear of death. I can go to Wal-Mart and purchase a bible, bread, milk, and anything else that I need to sustain life. I may not be able to go the bank and get a loan for an expensive new luxury car, but there are base models to choose from - I just have to roll the window up instead of push a button.

Dreams, not Nightmares.

2009-01-18T22:33:00.004-06:00

Lately, I have been reminded of finality. Last week, one of the planes that my company owns crashed in a field in Colorado. Two people lost their lives in a tragic accident that came from nowhere. It taught me that my experience can teach me about my past, but it can't prepare me for all parts of my future. My life on this earth is at best only a sparkle in the eye of eternity, and sometimes finality comes like a lightning strike.

A very close friend of mine is smack in the middle of a true-life hard spot, and finances are putting the squeeze on his sanity. In fact, I have several friends that are in this same kind of situation. Their circumstances are different, but they all have the same rock and hard spot that hovers over them. I don't have to look very far to see my own set of ominous figures on the horizon. It's ironic that my past holds both hope and conviction, but faith in my reason for hope takes care of all conviction. Finality in this view is an unseen possibility - it could be a breath of fresh air, or a chance to start again. In either case, this finality will be the end of something while something else begins. Faith is a beautiful thing.

In my opinion, our world is in a stage of finality. Events that transpire daily point to the end of things in different world arenas. Finances seemingly stand on the precipice of failure, balancing unstable trust with a history of lies and deception. It has become a look at when and not if collapse will visit the global standard of frivolous living. The truth is that many in the world are not as fortunate as the most "successful," and a pruning of the money tree is probably what is needed.

Terrorism keeps people fearful of going out in the streets of many foreign countries. Sadly, the pictures that I see scrolling on the evening news point out that those homes that they find sanctuary in are being destroyed as well. War and conflict have been the one thing that seems to always outlast change in our world, and the conflict in Israel brings me to tears.

There are many examples of things that bring depression and dismay to our evening dinner table conversation, but only one delivers true peace and hope every time. My faith in Jesus allows me to look at my life as it relates to the timeline of infinity. Existence on this earth is but a dash mark in the long line that awaits me. Hope, peace, and love give me stability here, and cause me to look towards the heavens with anticipation of a true-life "stimulus package." Times like the present make me all the more happy that God has compassion for failures like me.

On a separate note:

As we celebrate the inauguration of a new president tomorrow, please take a moment to say a prayer for this man. His election has ushered in a healing of racial tensions that inflicted wounds many years ago. His supporters have been able to see hope in a new light, but extremists will likely see tomorrow as an opportunity. Please pray for safety for our country during this time of transition. Lets pray that people will see his election as the work of the hand of Almighty God. We celebrate a man today in Dr. King that would ask the same. He stood for dignity and equality, and he qualified that stance with his life of dedication to the cause of Christ.

Today, "Happy MLK Day" rings with truer meaning than any other time in my life.

Turning the Page

2009-01-12T13:24:00.003-06:00

Books are great avenues for imagination. They foster environments that are untested and uncontrollable by outside events. Imagination may be influenced by these events, but it cannot be ultimately controlled. Imagination is also the flexing of the muscles of the mind. These muscles are simple in childhood, but they morph into complex structures of goals, hopes, dreams, and possibilities during adulthood. Imagination is the life-blood of creativity and possibility.

The action that perpetuates possibilities in a novel is the turning of a page. On the current page, your hero can be faced with certain demise and impending doom. Simply turning the page can deliver him out of the clutches of evil, and propel him towards the preferred happy ending. It could also further entangle the hero in the increasingly difficult grip of defeat. The perfect thing about this is the possibility of the next page - also known as imagination.

The page turned yesterday as our pastor announced his impending resignation.

Pastor Carter is an amazing man, a great leader, a profound inspiration, a grand example of Godly character and integrity, and I could go on and on. He is a great friend, and he has shown me the true meaning of the good shepherd. I have enjoyed being able to serve him, and the void that is left from the departure of that enjoyment will be hard to fill. Pastor Carter taught me about restoration and resilience. I have been able to learn how to be a better father, husband, and man from watching him. He was not always perfect in his presentation of the gospel, but he was perfect in his intent. He has always been willing to let his agenda and thought take a back seat to the will of God - no matter what was happening during that particular moment. In this situation, he is doing exactly that. He is following the will and call of God in his life. God is speaking to him, and he is listening. He leads by example, and I think that this is his truest great quality. His leadership will definitely be missed, and that is part of his legacy.

So, we as a church are experiencing a turning of the page event. I hate to put such an over-used phrase on the impending departure of a 15-year leader of our church, but it is the best one that fits to me. The page that is being turned brings to a close a brilliantly exhilarating series of chapters in the history of the life of our church. I have only been here for 5 of those years, but I have grown tremendously in that time. The future brings both sorrow for the absence of a great friend in the pulpit, and exciting expectation of what the next chapter is going to hold. It is different to be excited and sorrowful simultaneously.

Our church is not in a bad place, and the departure of our pastor is not due to misdeeds or abuse of position. This is not a bad thing, despite the feelings of sadness that we all feel. Pastor is showing us one last time from his leadership position that we are to follow the will of God, and allow God to be the end destination of our path. Where we go from here as a church is dependent upon the imagination of the person that is turning the page. Pastor Carter's life is in that same position. Our shared privilege is to have the one that wrote the book also be the one that is turning the page.

Call it what it is...

2009-01-08T08:09:00.003-06:00

Last night, my very good friend and music minister, Tim Gabbard, said something that is really affecting me. At first listen, I thought that it was a good point, but I am only now starting to really digest it. He hit me with "Call it what it is."

We started a 3 week devotion series on "The Heart" (see Tim's blog here) and I am really looking forward to seeing it through. With everything like this that you participate in, the presenter usually gives you their purpose behind it. Tim did that well, but I am choosing to take it a step further. I intend to do some thorough cleaning in the area of my heart. Call it a resolution, or a list of resolutions if you want, but this isn't just a thought that will die in a few weeks. This is a dedication to finding my purpose for being on this planet. I am going to find God's purpose for my life this year, and the first step is to do some spring cleaning in my heart.

The devotion is written so that the reader can find ways to help identify problems in their heart. These problems keep the reader from fully realizing the power and product of the Holy Spirit in their life. It is an interesting study, and it is well written. The scripture selections are great, and Tim did a bang up job putting it together.

"Call it what it is" has put some things in the light of day, and they aren't pretty. I tried to justify my greed for money by calling it "providing a great life for my family." I labeled pride "holding myself accountable for my own success." Envy was called by the moniker "wanting the best for me and my family." I could list others, but I prefer to do my own dirty laundry. I am discovering that I try to justify most of the really terrible sins that I have tied myself to by claiming that it is doing something for my family. I have been lying to myself, and that is stupid. If I can't tell myself the truth, what business do I have trying to tell anyone anything? I am probably scared to tell myself the truth, because it would end up making me do some things that are uncomfortable.

I haven't read a book for enjoyment in probably 15 years. I realized that all I do in the evenings is sit and stare at the TV until I can't hold my eyes open. At first, I justified it by watching sports, then it was family-friendly dramas. Now, I sit disgusted with myself with what I have been pouring into my spirit. I don't watch any terrible TV shows that would affect my kids, and I don't watch anything that promotes sexual agendas. I just watch stuff - TLC, Discovery, Science Channel, and some local stuff. I also spend hours on the internet, checking news and sports stats. The problem is that all that "stuff" is just filler - junk food for my soul. It has made my spirit unhealthy, and it has drowned out the Holy Spirit in my life. I force so many things into my spiritual stomach that it becomes bloated and out of proportion to what my life should be. I have become a spiritual glutton - and not in a good way.

This new year, I have started to change that. I am reading 2 books right now, and this devotional will make the 3rd text that will be feeding my spirit. "Purpose Driven Life," and "Covenant Marriage" are the other two books that I am reading. I picked these two because they are the two areas in my life that I want to see the greatest improvement in. They also intertwine well. I cannot hope to be the husband that I need to be if I don't know what my purpose is. I spend my time reading these books instead of watching TV, and it is starting to make a difference. I will do this for the next few months, but I won't cut out TV completely. I think that balance is the key to living the life that I am supposed to live.

I just need to learn balance by standing on the balance beam instead of by juggling chainsaws.

2008 - From the Rear-View Mirror

2009-01-04T19:51:00.003-06:00

Wow! It has been a month since I updated my blog. Life has been hectic, but now it will hopefully get back to something that at least resembles normal.

In looking at the new year ahead, I have to take a minute to look in the rear-view for a moment. Sitting in this position in January of 2008, I was in a terrible place. I worked a job that required parts of my soul that should have belonged to my family. I made great money, and that started to jockey for position as the driving force in my life. I couldn't remember the last time that I spent good quality time with my kids, and my spiritual life was struggling to tread water. At times, I honestly wondered what this life was supposed to mean.

I did see great times of blessing, and I had great moments of worship and connection with Christ. The problem is that I didn't feed that connection well enough. Problems that resulted from the war between my selfish pride and my soul resulted in things that would tear my attention away from God.

We raised Emu's when I was young. Even the adults were extremely curious animals, and their attention span was painfully short. If they came across a shiny gum wrapper or piece of glass, they would find themselves absolutely enamored. Little things caught their attention, and it forced them to wander point to point instead of walk with determination.

Looking back at the year, I guess you could say that I was just like those birds from time to time.

I made a career change, and decided to take a job that paid less so that I could keep my family. During the months before that change, I had to have serious conversations with both my wife and myself. I had to talk about ultimatums and deadlines for change. I had to be accountable for the first time in my life, and I didn't really enjoy it all that much. It was tough, but I am glad that it was forced upon me. I am happy that I made the right decision, and I take comfort in knowing that God loves me. Relationships are important, and they take work to keep them healthy. My wife taught me that, and I love her tremendously for it. I can say that I have found the secret to a wonderful relationship - dedication. I have some serious work to do with my relationships, but that is what life is all about.

I also learned that making the right decisions does not always bring easy travel down the road of life. If things were my way, it would be more like a slip-n-slide instead of a path. The path makes you take time to learn from the journey.

We had un-expected expenses with car problems, and our house was burglarized. The kids fought sickness nearly continually, and my oldest started his first year of kindergarten. These things made 2008 a big, nasty blur. Honestly, I am glad that it is over. I look forward to a new year so that we can hopefully catch our breath.

I heard from friends that I hadn't heard from in years. I started new friendships, and I saw the end of a few as well. I shed a few tears, I fought back even more, and I hope that the laughs outnumbered them both. I came to some realizations, and I had to give in to rationalization. I learned more than I forgot, and I became a year older. All-in-all, last year was a success. It will make me smarter about this year, and it makes me look forward to what comes next.

The words of an old hymn ring in my head as I bring this post to a close. I don't know exactly what tomorrow holds, and it could bring good times or bad. The thing that makes me raise my head and plow through is the reality of Who holds that tomorrow in the palm of Their hand.

-I Know Who Holds Tomorrow -
"I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood." - Ira Stanphill

Thank you for putting my "happily-ever-after" to song, Mr Stanphill. I wish I could talk to God like you could.

Clash of the Titans - Peace vs Comfort

2008-12-03T12:13:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, we went to the pawn shop to reclaim the wedding bands that I gave my wife on our wedding day. The center band with the stone was gone, but the two plain gold bands that were custom-fit to it were what we found. I had to buy back something that was stolen from me - is that entirely fair?

The tandem that broke into my home has been identified, and they are in jail right now. We have been informed that we probably shouldn't look for several of the articles that were taken, and I have been angry about that. Thinking about the season of Christmas has changed my heart and softened my anger towards them. The poignant purpose for my change in heart is that the pair is a father-son duo. I look at my sons, and I am grateful that our relationship will not travel the same path that converged with ours on October 26th at 9 p.m. I am saddened that a father and son relationship is developed by breaking into homes and stealing from innocent people.

Is there joy when that father looks into the eyes of his son? Does the heart of that dad swell with love when he sees his son walk into the room? What holds their relationship together in the midst of the chaos that their relationship is forged in? Who will show them peace?

Peace

I have peace because I know Jesus. He makes me uncomfortable at times, but that is when I am learning something extremely valuable. I have to see those times through the same eyes of love that Christ sees me through. I have to trust in Him, even though I cannot touch His skin or hear His footsteps. If I didn't have this peace, every step and every thought would be infinitely more difficult. My daily activities would be labored over with intense struggle, and any little bump in the road would seek to overturn my wagon. Having Christ in my heart does not give me a free pass through life - it give me a promise of eternal bliss. When I need that peace to overwhelm the events that try to overwhelm me, I think about my salvation.

Comfort

Comfort is a relative term. Sciatica and disc problems have placed me in a torture chamber since Thanksgiving day. Despite the long sequences of intense pain, I can find positions where I am comfortable. Once I find these positions, I cease all movement and thought. The problem with this is that I will have to move again at some point in time. I will have to get up from the bed and start my day. I will have to move to keep living, and the pain will smack me in the face again. This makes me realize that what I am experiencing is comfort, and not peace. I enjoy comfort, but I ravenously crave peace.

Comfort pauses those things that peace resolves. Where do you find your peace?

10 Days of Thanks

2008-11-22T18:41:00.002-06:00

So, I broke the cardinal rule of blogging - I failed to follow through with 10 consecutive days of blogposts after I said that I would provide just that. I apologize.

To tell the truth, it has been tough to find things to be thankful about. Saying that makes me feel terrible. I look around and see people that are much worse off than I am, and it's hard to see me through their situation. I have learned through this that God is still working on me, and He is far from done - I am thankful for that.

My post today is about hope. Hope is particular to the person that holds it, and it is something that can't be taken. You may give up on it or allow it to be given away, but it can't be taken from you. Hope requires an object. That object could be a situation, thing, accomplishment, or person. It could also be a combination of all of these things. The dangerous thing about hope is that you will be betrayed by it if your object of hope cannot be trusted absolutely. Thinking about this makes me glad that my hope is in Christ.

Many different things try to gain your trust. The most recent example that comes to mind are the elections. Politicians push and drive for months on end to show their best face, and speak their best speeches. They hope to gain support and devotion from their "fellow men." The goal behind a political campaign is to establish one's popularity with their target group. In the case of the Presidential campaign, Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain wanted to make their plight hit home with the average American. The end goal was for me to see my future through their well-constructed telescope. I was to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and find hope through their promises of a brighter tomorrow. The sad fact is that neither of these men could possibly deliver all that was touted. I believe that Mr. Obama will do a fantastic job because of the people that will be behind him, not because of the promises that he made. For the record, I would have felt the same way about Mr. McCain.

Opponents of hope would have us to believe that hope is futile. They would like for us to abandon hope, and cling to things that could make us focus on the situation at hand. Recently, evil broke into my world. It tried to force me to abandon a little piece of hope, and cling to anger instead. Sickness attempted to loosen my grip on hope and direct me to take hold of bitterness. Fear manifests as financial instability and tries to pull me from hope and drag me away to despair.

If my hope were in things that I see with my carnal eyes, then this task would be easy. It would be a cake walk, to be honest. I will not lie - for moments over the last 7 months, my focus has sometimes drifted from my hope. In these times, I have to remember my hope. I have to seek out my hope and turn my eyes towards it. The neat thing about my source of hope is that He seeks me out in these times. Jesus makes it easy for me to place my hope in Him. He is perfect in all situations, and He never falls short of my expectations. I find hope in a song on the radio, or a passage in a book. I can see it on the faces of the volunteers that stand in the entrance at Wal-Mart, ringing the bell for the Salvation Army. It's on the faces of the people in my church that are facing terrible situations.

I can see the absence of hope on faces that I pass in the stores. This void hangs on the shoulders of people as they search for something to fill the empty hole in their soul. They will try to shove money or situation or accomplishments into this hole, but it will not be filled by those things. Shoving things in will only increase the size of the hole, and that will lead to desperation. I see this load of despair on others as they struggle to just survive during this time of perpetual joy. As they hear merry tunes that jump from the supermarket speakers, their souls will be all the more hollow and hurting. Their situation has gotten so massive that it blocks their view toward anything that could bring hope.

These groups of people will flock to our churches this Christmas season, and we should prepare for their arrival. We should allow God to soften our hearts so that we can be truly compassionate when they approach our doors. Tears will have to flow from our souls so that they see the love of Jesus through a total stranger. This is what true hope is about. True hope is the kind of hope that is always there, no matter the present state of our life. The only person that can provide true hope is Jesus. This true hope is what I am truly thankful for this season. It would be a shame for me to hold this hope in my heart and not tell others about it.

Will you share your hope?

10 Days of Thanks - Friends

2008-11-18T21:34:00.002-06:00

I apologize for the late post. I travelled all day, and my battery was dead when I landed at home.

Day 2 - Giving thanks for my friends

Friendship is one of the areas of my life that has taught me volumes about myself and the world I live in. I have had friends that have come into my life just for a season, and those that I have the pleasure of walking my daily journey with. Friends have beckoned for me to raise the expectations that I have for myself. They have caused me to re-center when I veer too far to the left or the right. They spur me on when I lag, and tap the breaks for me when things start to hurtle out of control. Friends fill in the soundtrack of life, and they add color to complete the picture. They are the spice that adds flavor to the meal of life. Now that I've gone melodramatic, let me say this - I am truly thankful for my friends.

I am blessed to be able to experience true, pure friendship on a daily basis. My friends don't hit the road at the first sign of trouble. They instead stand by my side and help to pick me up when I fall. They rejoice with me when I am on the top of the mountain, and they keep vigil with me when darkness abounds. They offer words of encouragement, and words of criticism when I need them both. When they ask "How's it going?" they really mean it. They don't just wait for their turn to talk when we have conversation. My true friends offer sound advice, and not white noise.

My friends don't need to hear their name to know that our friendship is real, but I feel the need to address one particular group that is vital to the development of my spiritual life. The worship team that I am allowed to serve with is a constant blessing. They have become as close as family to me, and I miss them terribly when I don't get to be around them. I have had the pleasure of seeing the hand of God at work all around me while I have served with them. I enjoy learning from the wiser men of our group, and the advice that they offer is true and from the heart. They inspire me through tough times when I feel that I don't have a clue. We have a tremendous sense of unity that cannot be duplicated or purchased. These men are much more than fellow bandmembers, they are friends in the truest sense of the word.

A new arena of friendship has opened around me, and I enjoy it a great deal. My digital friends from the blogosphere have blessed my soul with words of support during recent tough times. Links that beckon others to pray for me and my family when we desperately need it are like an extra lifeline thrown into the tide. I find myself looking forward to checking the "tweets" each morning, and I enjoy their awesome posts. I only wish that one day, we could all get together and exchange pleasantries face to face. In lieu of that, I will check for updates and look at the twitpics when they are posted.

@mytwitterfriendsfromallcornersoftheearth Thanks and blessings to you and yours!

Thank you, friends - I count you all as blessings from my Savior.

10 Days of Thanks

2008-11-17T08:13:00.002-06:00

So for those of you that stumble upon this blog, I have an idea for you - 10 days of thanks.

Thanksgiving is a week and a half away, and I choose to start giving thanks today. On your blogs, or to your family, or at your job, or to total strangers, start giving thanks today. Tell people how thankful you are that you know them. Tell your family how thankful you are to to be associated with them. Pick up your kids and whisper your praise in their ears. If you can't touch those that you are thankful for, send them a hand-written letter that paints a picture of your thanks. Give thanks to those around you. 10 days of thanks, culminating in a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. Don't let Thanksgiving be just a transition day that fires the start gun of the Christmas shopping season.

I will post each day something that I am thankful for. I will make notes throughout the next 10 days that I intend to present to my family at our Thanksgiving table. I challenge you to start this year making Thanksgiving a true time of giving thanks.

My first post of thanks: My Family.

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father. He never lets me stay down when I fall. I am thankful that He lets me fall, because I can then be compassionate for others when they do the same thing. I love my wife dearly. She is responsible for the joy in my life, and life would not be worth it without her. My kids are great kids. They allow me to have fun, and they teach me how to be a parent. They are both my sanity and my insanity, and I would not trade the wild ride of fatherhood for anything in the world.

My mom and dad are fountains of inspiration. They teach me how to be a good parent, and they kept me tethered to God through prayers when I tried to run. Without them, I wouldn't know how to be a husband, father, and man of God. I love my sister and brother-in-law. They show me the meaning of "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I have aunts, uncles, cousins, and nieces spread from sea to shining sea (literally.) I have family in the frozen tundra of Alaska, the lush garden of Seattle (even though the lush green comes from depressing rain), the frying pan of Texas, the hills of Tennessee, the valleys of Mississippi, and the crawfish pot of Louisiana. My heart is full of thanks for all of my kinfolk. I won't thank each one individually, because it would make for a very lengthy post. I do have to mention one specifically corny thing that my Aunt Latrice will appreciate (because we are both corny.) I think of the Hay family every time I open my freezer. They live in Alaska, and the freezer reminds me of the frozen tundra.

I am thankful for my church family. Through times where you get punched in the mouth by situations, they wrap their arms around you and make you feel like a million dollars. God shows me how to love without bounds through my church family.

I am a dearly blessed man because of all of these. Thank you, Lord - help me to see these things that I am thankful for each day.

That is my first post of thanks. Tomorrow - Friends.

Your turn.

Drinking from a Soup Bowl

2008-11-11T10:01:00.005-06:00

I have been struggling with something over the last few weeks that has my mind in a quandary. I was approached with what seems to be an awesome opportunity, but it will take me out of an already awesome situation that I really enjoy being in. To be honest, I am comfortable. I don't feel the need to go anywhere because of where I'm at.

When I pray about the situations, I don't feel any kind of resolution. I just feel the need to really seek and understand God's will. Should I feel that I am entitled to resolution so that I know without a doubt what God is calling me to?

In trying to understand things, I read Jonah this morning. At first glance, I didn't understand his desire to see the city of Nineveh destroyed. After thinking about it for a bit, I guess that he was looking for vindication.

He had been instructed to go and preach to them, and he was punished severely when he didn't do what he was told to. That city was in a similar state of rebellion, and I guess his emotions clouded the situation. You would think that deliverance from sitting in the belly of a fish for 3days would have put things in a different light. I would have thought that he would be so strengthened by the miracle that he had just lived through that he would want to tell the world about the goodness of God. I guess that it was hard to look through his ordeal and see the hand of God.

He didn't see that God was the one that delivered him, just as He delivered Nineveh. What a pity for what could have been a tremendous experience for Jonah. Instead of finding joy in seeing an entire city spared from the penance of sin, he saw frustration that they didn't get what he thought they "deserved." Many ministers would jump at the chance to see the reaction that Jonah saw in Nineveh. It would re-energize most and spur them on for greater things for God's Kingdom. Jonah lost sight of all of that because of the mis-understanding that he had with God's will, and his own emotionally troubled state.

I gather from this that God will work through us, even though we don't understand or agree with what we are doing. My finite understanding of love and compassion doesn't diminish God's capacity for showing those same characteristics to the people that He wants me to touch. If that is confusing, I apologize. Think of it this way - a water glass can be used to give water to someone in the same way that a soup bowl can. Each vessel can hold the water, even if the soup bowl is usually used to hold soup. The difference in how they are used comes in with the intention of the user, not the vessel.

I guess that I need to take the opportunity to learn from different situations. I don't want to miss out on something that God has for me because my present situation is too comfortable. I need to remember that it is His will for My life.

I feel strongly about what is written below. I think someone that needs this prayer will come across this one day, so I will not refrain from relaying what is on my heart. I just came through what seemed like the belly of a fish for not doing what God wanted me to. I don't intend to spend the next section of my life repeating those same mistakes. If this causes offense, please forgive me.

Dear Lord, please take away this tunnel vision that I have given myself to. Continue to take away the blinders that I have put on in an effort to make myself comfortable. You have turned the heat up on this cauldron, and stirred the water of my life. I realize now that You don't want me to be stagnant and full of disease. I now know that prolonged seasons of calm water can stifle Your move in my life. I enjoy the scent of Your presence, and I remember the feeling that I had before I could feel the warmth of Your arms wrapped around me. I am beginning to remember the longing desire that was cultivated in the cold, damp grip of desperation. Your salvation satisfied that hunger in me so many years ago, but I have since forgotten that hunger pain. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me and bringing me out my state of utopia. I over-indulged in Your presence to the point that I neglected the draw to bring others to Your table. Please forgive me for that, Father. Lead me and any others that find themselves in the same situation. Let us all remember the feeling that we had before we knew you. Bring us to tears as we think of the masses that have yet to smell the intoxicating aroma of your sweet breath. Strengthen us so that we can endure the journey ahead, and provide for us when situations get us down. Jesus, be the lifter of our heads. In Your name, Amen.

Lighthouse Adventure

2008-11-03T11:15:00.002-06:00

Thanks to Tim Gabbard for providing the video. I am the big mug cooking the hotdogs with the broke down "tropical" hat.

Sunrise

2008-11-02T21:36:00.004-06:00

Today was a good day.

I have to say that I have tried with all that is in me to give into an attitude of defeat. I have enough reasons around me to feel that way, if I look hard enough. I can go to any store or street corner to see examples of why life just isn't good, and fair treatment is never a possibility. The thing is, I choose to see what I want to see.

Choice can either liberate or confine.

Choice has power - and that power is awesome.

Choice is what I have control over.

We had an outreach Friday night for our city. I did not want to participate, and I tried to work up the courage to tell the man responsible for the event that I had valid reasons for not helping. My house was broken into, my kids were sick, and my car broke down on Thursday. I know that he would have understood, because he is a great friend.

I decided to not attach myself to negativity - just for that night. I decided to cook hot-dogs for kids that would eat them. I decided to try and forget about the week that was and focus on the night that could be.

Choice is a powerful thing.

Nearly 250 kids showed up at one house. We had three houses that were hosting kids on Halloween. 250 + at one house = victory.

I did not have any wonderful realization of anything supernatural that night. I was tired, and my feet hurt afterwards. I could have played the "I told you so" game with myself.

I didn't.

I was tired - from the inside out. My soul ached. I felt like I had gone through a title fight with a heavy-weight boxer. The week had taken a toll on me, and I felt weak. I had shed tears, piled on worry, and lived in fear of what was to come next. Waking up this morning, I needed a fresh breath from God. No other fresh breath would work, and no coffee from Starbucks would spur me on. I needed God - plain and simple.

Service was amazing.

Worship was pure and intimate.

I felt Holy Ground.

God's arrival was not because of what I brought to the table. He showed up because He knew that I needed Him. I felt like a physical weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and I could smell the presence of my Jesus. My heart leaped from my chest, and I looked with the expectancy of a child as I scanned the room for Him. Jesus wrapped his arms around me in the middle of my pain, despite my weak spirit. It is such a tremendous feeling when we do what we were created to do. It finishes our puzzle when we give in to the embrace of our salvation.

My worries were washed away with sobbing tears.

We see what we want to see. I will see the things around me, but I can choose what light that I want them to be seen in. I want to see Jesus - all the time. I look for him, and he will not hide from me. When I call His name, He will not ignore me.

Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes. Thank you for the stuff that steamrolled me last week. I would not know You as well as I do now if it were not for that. I would not know the fullness of joy that could be felt when You enter into a situation and turn the lights on. I have seen You chase away darkness, and I will try to do a better job of telling others about what You can do. Please help me to know what to do and when to do it. I sometimes feel like a blind man feeling around in a dark closet for a light switch that I can't find. I too often focus on the negative and hopeless aspects of the lessons that You teach me. I should be spending time searching for the opportunities for You to show Yourself to me in greater ways. Thank you, Jesus, for being You.

The right choice makes good things feel even better.

The wrong choice makes you find the right choice.

The power of choice is tremendous when it is allowed to manifest fully.

My Thank You Letter

2008-10-29T08:19:00.003-05:00

I need to say thank you to those that are praying for me and my family. On Monday, a person that I have never met face-to-face sent very inspiring words of support. She prayed for a family that she had never met, and reached out to her friends on behalf of that same family. While the distance of a country separates us, the love of Christ unites us. We intend to visit New York one day, and we will visit Sara when we are there. I will take her cookies and a hug as a reward for helping a total stranger. Thank you, Sara - I ask that God will reward you for your servant's heart.

I went to my church on Monday to get a ladder to repair a security light that I should have fixed some months ago. It did not occur to me that they would probably be in a staff meeting, but I am very glad they were. My awesome friend Tim was leading the meeting. I was going to try to find someone else to help me instead of interrupting, but Tim came out to see what I needed. When I told him about everything, he asked if they could pray for me. I can honestly say that I felt numb at this point. My body was going through the motions of life before I walked into that room. My soul had been ransacked, and I could not feel the prayers that were going on for me and my family. I felt like I had been thrown to the ground, kicked, beaten, and bruised. They gathered in a circle and prayed for me, and the effect was entirely amazing. I struggled to hold back tears, and tried to give off the image of strength. My spirit lay in ruins, and my heart struggled to have enough strength to accept the love that was being sent my way. That prayer circle opened up the window to my soul, and started to let the breath of Christ clean up the mess. I loaded the ladder and left in tears. I broke down as I pulled out of the driveway, and sobbed as I drove home. My God has blessed me with such tremendous family in my church. My family and I are so very blessed. Thank you, LFA, for your heart. I pray that God blesses you with all that you hope for or desire.

Yesterday, my cousin called me as I left from work. I had a tremendous conversation with her on Sunday morning, and I am thankful that she lifted my spirits before I knew that I needed them to be lifted. We both dedicated ourselves to prayer for each other through the week. She called to strengthen me with her beautiful words of support. If you have never heard Jackie speak, you would not know what I mean by beautiful words. Her voice is soothing, and her presence is lovely. I am so very blessed to have her in my family. Dennis is her husband, and he is a rock of strength. He is the type of man that never shows fear or worry (at least to me.) Their kids (Josh and Emmaly - I hope I spelled it right) are close to my age, so I grew up watching Dennis and Jackie be new parents. I can remember that their household went through some terrible times, but they never appeared to be falling apart. They showed me strength, and that strength is what gets me through times like these. Their kids are amazing, and I need only to look at them to see examples of how Godly instruction manifests in Godly children. I love them, and they love me. To the Modisette family - may God give you his riches so that you always see His provision. May He bless you with the love that you bless others with.

Last night, Amy brought my family pizza for supper. She blessed us so much with her generosity, and I honestly do not have words that can express the gratitude that I would like to. The only words that I have are "Thank You." I realize that this is not an especially eloquent utterance, but realize that it comes from the deepest part of my soul. You and your family are a strong point for me and my family when the waves hit us. I believe that God placed you in Longview, and I thank him often for doing so. You and Tim helped to wipe the blood from our forehead, and clean the dirt from our wounds. I am so thankful that I have friends that are compassionate and dedicated. I do not deserve to have that, but I am glad that God gives me what I don't deserve. I pray that God will light your path, and make it holy. I pray this because your path often takes you to people that are hurting, and hurting people need a holy place. May God bless your hands to that you can feel him work through you. May God bless your eyes so that you can see the love of Christ play out in front of you. May He bless your mind so that you can fully comprehend His purpose for you. May you always be blessed.

To the strangers that came across this blog and said a quick prayer - Thank you. Know that I pray for you as you prayed for me. Know that where a few are gathered, they beckon the attention of God. May God bless you with the safety and security that you gave me.

I could go on and on with the list of those that prayed for me. My parents, my children, my co-workers - they all have blessed me with kind thoughts. My mom walked around the perimeter of my property on Sunday night. She prayed for me and my family, and she prayed over my property. She rebuked satan, and she prayed for restoration. Her words were such a blessing to me. I am amazed at how much she still teaches me when I am willing to listen. She didn't have such a great childhood, but she gave me the best that one could ask for. Her and my dad are what I hope I can be like one day. She came back on Monday, and annointed my home with her prayer once again. She reminds me of Peter and Paul in the bible. I wish that I could speak to satan the way that she does. She is the visual representation of strength and confidence. My dad called on Monday night to wish my wife a happy birthday. He is what love is. His heart is pure, and his dedication is absolute. He shows me what grace and mercy are all about. I love my parents. Mom and Dad - I don't have the words, but you know.

My wife has been the strong point through all of this, and we will get through it because of the power of "we." That "we" includes our union - My wife, My God, and me. I can no longer survive on my own, because God joined our spirits. She is the completion of my thoughts, the cultivator of my hopes, the caretaker of my dreams, and the celebratory shout in my life. She is also the crutch when I am broken, and the medicine when I am sick. She is my strength, and I will not go through things without her. God taught me love when He brought her to me.

We find little things each day that remind us of the intrusion into our lives, and every crack or creak in the night brings fear. Every time that I walk from my room to check on my kids, I feel that I am robbed again. My peace has been shattered, and it will take a while to pick up all of the pieces. Please continue to pray for me and my family as God heals and replaces what was taken. We are not able to stand on our own yet, but I simply could not let another day pass without thanking those that have thought of us. The word of God tells that we overcome by the grace and power of God, and by the word of our testimony.

My word of testimony is this: Thieves may take the material possessions that I have piled up, but they can never take the promise of salvation that I have in Jesus. Satan will fight me, and I will be tempted to give in. He does this because he knows that there will be a day when he cannot even lift his head from the earth. He will be pressed and suffocated by the presence of Almighty God, and God's presence will fill the void that he so desperately tried to create. Nothing on this earth happens without the expressed consent of God, and I do not need to understand the meaning behind what happens to me. I only need to understand that Jesus is my salvation. God is my heavenly father, and He will always be my champion. The Holy Spirit is my comfort, and in Him do I trust. Praise the name of Jesus! His name has the power to save and heal. He alone can restore what satan has taken, and his restoration is complete and absolute!

From the very bottom of the deepest part of my heart, Thank You.

I Give

2008-10-27T18:35:00.002-05:00

To the coward that broke into my house and robbed me yesterday: You don't know me, and I don't know you. You should be thankful for that. Yesterday, my little girl was in the emergency room with an IV coming out of her dainty little perfect hand. She had fever over 105, and she was not doing well. After 5-1/2 hours of sitting in that little cramped room, we were able to come home and try to get ready for the new week. You were in such a hurry when you left that I was not able to fill you in on her progress. She is doing much better. My littlest boy is now sick, but we have meds that will help him.

I wish that I would have come in a few minutes earlier, because I would have been able to catch you in the act of violating me. FYI - you would have not been as happy about this. All in all, it is a good thing - both for me and for you. I know that what I would have done would have haunted me for the rest of my life. I hope that the cops were wrong. They said that you would probably come back to finish the job that you started. The most dangerous thing that you took with you is my anger. Please stay away and allow God to take that anger from you.

Know that I am praying for you - as hard as that is to admit. My hatred for you is only human, and God is stronger than that. For that, I am truly thankful. I know that the attacker that is behind what you did is satan. I know that you are only a pawn that was used against me. Satan is the true coward, and he will not succeed. God is much more powerful than anything that can come against me. I just want you to know that God can save you from yourself, just like He saved me.

It is unfortunate for us that you robbed us on the evening before my wife's 30th birthday. It was terrible to know that the very little bit of money that I could have spent on her would now have to be spent repairing the few things that you broke. It was spiritually devastating that we had to spend our day in the emergency room, and our night thinking about your intrusion into our life. You didn't know our circumstance, and you can't be held responsible for that.

You had no idea that we have had to spend money that we didn't have in the last few weeks to get our car repaired. You didn't see the anguish on my face as I took a job that forced me into a pay cut so that I could spend quality time with my family. The roar of silent pain that flooded my heart when my wife had to start working evenings to help pay the bills was not heard by you. You aren't in the grocery store to help us find comfort when the food prices go through the roof. You don't hear the turmoil in my soul when I try to find little glimpses of light despite the gloomy picture that seems so immense right now.

The beautiful thing is that I don't have to live in the "right now." I live in the hope of a brighter future. The things that you stole were priceless to me and my family. The jewelry and other items that you took from my wife will not ever be replaced because I cannot replace time and memories. What we have that you could not take is what holds our heads up now. Salvation through Jesus is a gift that knows no bounds. It guarantees that we will be provided for. It proves the test of time, and it lives in a place where moths and thieves cannot touch it. I hope that you experience this salvation soon. Life gets much too short in your profession.

To all that read this post: please pray for me and my family. We are being tempered in the furnace of fortitude, and we are at the melting point. Most people that I have spoken to say "well, at least you have your health." The truth is that our health is in question as well. I am fighting strep throat, my little girl was hooked to IV's for most of the day yesterday, my smallest is fighting strep right now, and my oldest will catch it before the week is done. I know that the darkest part of the night is right before the dawn, and that is the only thing that is keeping me from doing anything foolish. Please pray that the sunrise comes soon.

New Song

2008-10-23T13:20:00.003-05:00

Below, you will find lyrics that I wrote today. I was able to spend the lunch hour outside, enjoying the awesomeness of Fall, and I felt these words in my heart. I made a major choice yesterday that finally brought me closer to where I feel that I need to be with God. I have felt like Jonah for the past 6 months, and I think that God is about ready to spit me out onto the beach. Let me know what you think of the lyrics. I will hopefully be able to get with my friend Tim and put some melody to this. When that is done, I will post for you to critique.

Your Light
Verse 1
Through the darkest night
In my hopeless place
The nectar of despair
Is my only saving grace

Chorus 1
Crying out, with my hands raised, I yearn for your embrace
I long for you to touch my heart, And take me out of this dreadful place

And into your light
Into your light
That’s where I need to be
Where I long to be

Verse 2
Father, please see me
In the light of your sweet mercy
Don’t see me as myself
Or through the mistakes I’ve made

Chorus 2
I’m not as much as I’ve claimed to be, but through your love I can be anything
All I want to be is yours, and this is why I sing

I wanna be your light
Consumed by your light
I’m giving myself to you
Don’t give me back until you’re through.

I'm sure that there will be a bridge of some sort, but I don't want to go building bridges to nowhere. let me know what you think.

Zack and Miri

2008-10-16T21:16:00.002-05:00

So I was just watching a little TV this evening, and a commercial came on for a new movie that is supposed to be hitting the box offices sometime in the coming weeks. The title is "Zack and Miri Make A Porno." As I sit here, I start to wonder. I don't watch things that are rated R, and I am careful as to what my kids watch. I have the parental locks active on my TV, and I try to screen the different children's programs that they watch. I take an active role in telling my kids right from wrong, and I watch what I do and say to make sure that I don't inadvertently teach them something that they don't need to hear coming from daddy. I want to be the parent that answers questions with the truth. Seeing this commercial, I can only imagine the conversation that could come of it.

When I am watching sports, my kids ask things like "Why is the football not round, daddy? Why is the baseball white? Why does the man in the race car spin around when he wins, daddy? Is he mad at the other racers?" You get the point, right? I can only imagine the question "Daddy, whats a porno?" How would you answer that? I am offended at the proposal that I might have to answer it. I have seen the commercial a few times, but it just hit me tonight. Is this what I want my kids seeing? I remember a time where evening TV could be safe for families unless you were watching certain stations. The ABC's, NBC's, and CBS's were usually safe ground. After the commercial, I started really analyzing the sound coming from my set. I sat in horror as I realized the content that was puking itself from my satellite box. I realize and appreciate that the world will seek to influence my children - that fact is inevitable. I just had to come to the harsh reality that I did not fully know my adversary.

Be an advocate for your children - they need it.

Humble Inspiration

2008-10-12T20:14:00.013-05:00

Saturday, I helped out with the volunteers from my wife's co-workers from Target. We worked on a house for the Brown family in a part of town where luxurious living is some what of an enigma. I saw numerous homes that were built by Habitat for Humanity in the neighborhood, and I was touched tremendously.

All in all, I had a great time. I left with sore hands, stiff muscles, sawdust in places that I won't describe here, and an overwhelmed heart. It amazes me how little that goodness is promoted. I saw a group of people - not contractors, electricians, carpenters, or amateur do-it-yourself-ers. Separately, we would not make much of an impact on people or culture. Binding ourselves together in a spirit of community and hope, we were able to bring a project closer to completion that will be a home for someone that desperately needs it. I learned that a building is a structure that is systematically planned and deliberately constructed so that it can secure something or someone. I learned that a house is a building that offers people a place to live. I learned that a Habitat Home is a house that is insulated with love, hope, and peace. It is built on a foundation of compassion and gratitude. The nails are driven with grace and joy, and the roof is comprised of faith.

I spoke with people that were normal volunteers for Habitat, and the stories that I heard have changed my life. All of the volunteers that were on this job were gracious. I didn't hear any mumbling or complaining until the time neared that we were to go home. People wanted to stay and do more, but the time to leave had come.

I arrived at the work site with an attitude of cynicism. I wondered just how much that this would actually do for these people. I saw homes all around that were littered with garbage and visual examples of criminal activity. To be honest, I didn't want to give my time and valuable effort to someone that would mis-use it. I saw a few people that I was sure were there because they had to be. I was certain that one had received a home himself, and the other was there on court-ordered community service. My heart was crushed when I learned that they were there to just give what they had. My "christian" attitude was checked when I was shown the way to a true servant's heart.

Their language was not clean, and they each had a sketchy history. I heard stories of divorce and the aftermath of hatred that was left. I heard of mistakes that had been made, and lessons that were learned. I sat back and listened, unable to say much because of the breaking of my heart. I judged these people and had convicted them of immorality before I had even heard their voices. I have a lot to learn about being a servant, and these people have shown me that.

I look forward to helping on these homes on my weekends. For those of you that want to help, visit the website for Habitat for Humanity. Get involved in your community, and remember that every project that you help with doesn't have to be directed by your local church. Through volunteering at a soup kitchen, a homeless mission, or Habitat for Humanity, you can bring your local church with you. More importantly, you can bring the Master Carpenter - Jesus.

I intend to be there when they say "Welcome home, Brown family. Welcome Home."

What inspires you?

Habitats

2008-10-10T08:29:00.002-05:00

I will hopefully get to work for Habitat for Humanity tomorrow, and I am very excited about that. The feeling that comes from helping someone that desperately needs it is very fulfilling. In considering this, I looked around at my home. Yeah, I might have some things to fix, but at least I have a home. I can't wait to make an impression and bring a little hope to someone that usually doesn't see it. I am going to try and post some pictures afterwards, and I will definitely post the impression that comes from it. A few months ago, my church family was able to put a new roof on a home and do some minor repairs. That experience was the closest that I have ever felt to Christ. I simply cannot wait to spread a little joy tomorrow!

Drifting

2008-10-09T22:47:00.002-05:00

I came to the realization last night that I have not tried to make connections outside of the 4 other people that live in my house. I feel like my purpose on this planet is to make connections, but that is an extremely terrifying thing. I feel that other people that are in my situation in life are in the same boat, but are too proud to admit it. We don't want anyone to see the weakness in our armor, because that makes us susceptible to the strength of another. Taking on the world by yourself seems to hold a certain mystique; a badge of honor. The sad thing about succeeding in this endeavor, however; is that you are alone when you reach the finality of your pinnacle. You won't have anyone to share your joyous shouts of achievement. Success then becomes something that is very hollow.

I am going to step out on a limb today. My wife and I were not able to host small groups in our church this session because of different life hurdles, but that doesn't prohibit us from being an active part of someones small group. I can find reasons all day that would gracefully exclude me from participating in a group, but none of them really hold water. This has prompted me to make a list of things that I wanted out of a small group.

Connection with people in my life situation.
Connection for my kids that is separate from the adults.
Friendship that lifts us up.
A safe haven that families can run to.

Lastly, I want to be in an atmosphere that invites others that aren't saved or "Churched." I think that this point is more significant than anyone knows or cares to admit. Too many times, I have seen people sickened by the way that they are treated by well-meaning church attendees. People get so wrapped up in their own ideas and thoughts of what "Church Membership" means that they miss out on the most important part of Jesus - Love. I want to have a group in my church that reaches out and calls for those that are down on their luck. I want to be able to show the glorious revelation of hope to those that don't even know that they need it. I want to go and find those that are too hurt to even search.

The story of the shepherd is a recurring strain throughout the bible. A shepherd's true worth is not shown by standing in the gate and calling for the lost sheep, it is shown when they go out and search for those that are stranded. That means climbing up hills, and crawling through valleys. That means that you look until your eyes are clouded, hear until your ears are suppressed, and feel until you are numb. This is heavy on my heart, and it tells me that I am not doing enough. I hold the answer to life in my heart, but am too comfortable to step out and share it with others. Maybe that is the reason that my waters have been troubled lately.

I would love nothing better than to be able to start a meeting somewhere in this city that does not involve the mention of church. I would love to have a place where people can go to have wholesome conversation about real life. I think that this would be the ultimate outreach tool, but where does it start? What is that first step that must be made so that there can be a second step? I would love to be able to leave my working career and focus on this kind of ministry, but where do I find the guts to do that?

I am going to pray for this specifically, and I ask that you do the same. Please pray for my city. We are in a fight for our eternity, and far too many have lost that battle. Please pray that God will have his way. I don't think that He has placed these feelings in my heart for them to stagnate. My mind is a whirlwind right now, and doubts are circling around me. All that I have to cling to is the wonderful realization that Jesus rose from the grave that He went to for me and my city. This alone gives me confidence that He can do anything. God created the heavens, the earth, and all that is in them. He must allow things to happen before they can take place!

Let me know your thoughts...

What Is That Smell?

2008-10-02T13:53:00.004-05:00

So, I am writing. I have finished an introduction, and am started on the first chapter. Here is a little window into my strange mind. Hope you enjoy!

I have to level with you – I didn’t realize that 30 was upon me. I always thought of 30 as an abstract painting on a wall at the end of very long and dimly lit hallway. I couldn’t see it, and it didn’t bother me. The problem: I’ve spent my 30 talking and worrying about everything else that has gone on around me. I have hurt and been hurt by those close to and far from me. I have had the privilege of playing in the rain with no fear of my appearance. I have enjoyed nights of nothing but listening to the rain on the rooftop. I have slumbered under the canopy of the trees with the stars above as my night light. I have seen things that no one should see, and realized just how great I have it. Life has shown me a few of her mysteries, and I have been both scared silly and silly with excitement simultaneously. Friends have come into my life, and then disappeared without warning. Laughter has poured from my heart until it produced tears from my eyes and milk from my nose. Love found me and blessed me with a marriage and 3 wonderful children. The family blessed me with a mortgage and the pressure cooker of a budget. When you cook things in a pressure cooker, it forces them to cook much faster. It also tenderizes – just so you know. Looking back, I guess that I can't call all of these things problems at all. They are just experiences - some good and some bad. Experience is what colors the canvas of life, and no color would be a terribly drab picture.

There is definitely something cooking...I can smell it. What does it smell like to you?

Forced Faith

2008-10-01T12:33:00.002-05:00

First, let me say a few things about last Sunday. Our church had it's annual picnic, and it was outstanding! I will try to get my hands on some pictures to show you how it went. My dad and I cooked 14 briskets, 35 pounds of sausage, a big turkey breast, and a pit ham. We started cooking last Wednesday and finished with everything in the smoker Sunday morning. Estimates are that 350-400 were fed, and I would say that number is a bit conservative. I was enthralled by the fellowship and community that we were able to engage in. It was a spectacular event that will linger in my mind for some time.

Now for this week...

Do you ever feel that God is forcing you into growing your faith? My wife, kids, and I are having to wade through some junk right now, and it isn't fun. Whenever I start to think about problems with finances or other trivial drivel, I feel convicted. I think often of the stories that I have read of how God intervened at the last moment in some very critical situations. Usually, He had to act because no one else would have been capable of offering conclusion to the matter at hand. I am strengthened because I know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I have hope because of the things that He has done in my past.

I am glad to be in this situation because I often forget that. I pray for the joy that the man in Acts 3:8 felt. I yearn for the power that Moses felt when he left Egypt with God's people in tow. I desperately want to know the peace that Horatio Spafford felt when he wrote his awesome song.

I only have to look, and it is all around me. I only have to offer, and my fear will be taken. I only have to trust, and all will be resolved. I am a child of Almighty God, man! My life was bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus, and He sent his Holy Spirit to comfort me because my eyes couldn't see Him. God placed me in the palm of his hand, and that is what strengthens my neck so that I can hold my head up. I will shout with joy when my head is raised, and not waste time by bowing it to ponder worrisome things. Psalms 23: "The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need."

After all, Jesus fed like 5000 people with a small fish dinner (minus the fries) and no one left hungry. I can buy a 3-piece with fries, bread, hushpuppies, tartar sauce AND a grape soda, but my doubt is what keeps it from feeding the world.

Gays, Lesbians, Bigots, Prostitutes, and Me

2008-09-22T20:30:00.003-05:00

If the title of this entry offended you, I really want your opinion. I just ask that you read this verse from John, and then leave your comment.

John 3:16 NLT For God loved the world so much that he gave His one and only Son, so that everyone that believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life

You don't have to go far these days to find a religious blog that touches on homosexuality. This is definitely a hot button for most people, and there is no warm or cold on the issue. The same scriptures are thrown out, and the people that scream their point of view yell loud enough that it becomes very intimidating for those that stop to peruse their pages of comments. My concern is that this very vocal and passionate discussion seems to rip the most fundamental idea that I hold of Christ to shreds.

I gather from my limited understanding of the Bible that I am probably a "Gentile." I haven't ever traced my heritage back to anyone past the people that I have seen in pictures, so I can't even validate that claim. I do know this: I had to find Christ, so I was at least a sinner. Even now that I have a stable relationship with Christ, I find myself asking for forgiveness on a regular basis. This reality shows me that I am even now a sinner, saved by grace - daily.

I have been reading the New Testament lately, and am now in Acts (my favorite book.) I am amazed at the beautiful stories of healing and supernatural intervention that take place in that book. People were drawn to Jesus because of what he could do. They might have not known who He was and the significance that His presence on earth held, but they knew of the miracles that preceded his arrival. People would lay in the street to hope to catch even a glimpse of His shadow, seeking the healing that they had been told about. After the cross, they would follow after his disciples with the same zeal.

The common thread that permeates most of the thoughts of homosexuality versus Christianity is that of the definition of sin. I have even thrown my two cents in on occasion and related that this kind of lifestyle is an "abomination." After reading numerous testimonies about people that struggle with this temptation, I am now forced to apologize for my jagged comments. It seems that I am too quick to look past the act that was finalized at the cross. I think that others often get lost in the sea of popular opinion as well, and end up getting swept past the primary cause of Christianity. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. It doesn't mention particular sins anywhere through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John that I've read. These four books tell the story from different vantage points of the life of Christ, and all of them mention just one qualifying factor for forgiveness of sins. You have to exist.

Jesus gave himself to the cross for everyone. That includes all of the gays, lesbians, bigots, liars, thieves, prostitutes, and any other un-savory title that we can print up and attach to people. Next we have all of the racial epithets that I could throw out and pollute these pages with, but I hope you are starting to get the picture. I acknowledge that the homosexual lifestyle is identified as a sin, but so is gluttony, greed, hatred, and many other daily practices that are accepted in our society. It pains me to think that my brick wall of protest could block someone out of the kingdom of God. Isn't that the same thing that the Pharisee's did that Jesus stood so vehemently against? Christ was enraged that people were being seen through the veil of laws and restrictions, and His sacrifice was so that we could be seen through a veil of his shed blood instead.

Let me know your opinion, and offer some ways that we can reach out to those that have been rejected under the guise of religion. I think we can start with the thought that all have sinned, instead of just the gays, lesbians, liars, thieves, convicts, prostitutes and bigots. Jesus saved a failure like me, and it would be terrible for me to not want everyone else to experience that same salvation. I guess that the first step is to do this: reach out and feel for the first hand that touches yours. There are a lot of hands that are floating by, reaching out for someone to cling to. If you don't grab them and pull them to safety, who will?

Flipping Switches

2008-09-15T09:54:00.004-05:00

Hurricane Ike really slammed East Texas. The pine trees that give this area so much of the beauty that it is known by are twisted and toppled in many areas of the city this morning. Power lines and poles have been splintered and destroyed, as are many of the homes in the area. I only have minor gathering of limbs when I leave from work this evening, but many of my neighbors are not as fortunate. I went to my house last night to have dinner with my kids and take showers (gas water heater.) The heat was intense, and the mosquitoes were absolutely relentless. I felt a responsibility to my children to stand firm and unshaken in the midst of this terrible storm, but my world was jolted when I saw the devastation around me. The picture to the left was taken from the roof of a co-worker, and shows a couple of the 7 trees that fell on and around 4 homes that were side by side. Imagine for a second that you had 7 trees laying between you, your next door neighbor, and the two houses across the street from you. What would your state of mind be? His wife had just finished washing dishes when the biggest of the 7 fell through their kitchen. She stepped away from the sink and heard the crash. Turning around, she saw the roof compressed to the kitchen counter exactly where she stood only moments ago in time. I can only imagine.

What I saw this weekend showed me the tremendous resilience of the human spirit. During my drive home from lunch, I saw countless droves of people outside that were attacking their landscapes with intense dedication. Trees were being discarded, limbs were being gathered, yards were being raked, and lawns were being manicured. It seems that those that were affected greatly were in a hurry to put the wreckage behind them. They wanted to get on with their lives, and block out the memories of a terrible weekend. Power could be out in my neighborhood until Friday, but that did not stop people from dedicating their time to make things seem normal.

I sat in my driveway and petitioned God for power to be restored to my home. We have three children, and things are chaotic to say the least when we are displaced from our fortress of solitude. I saw neighbors that had power, and wondered with frustration as to why I was not in the a/c. I drove around, complaining to God of how bad I had things when he started to open my eyes. Luke 24:45 says "Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures." The story line of this passage tells of the return of Jesus, days after his crucifixion and resurrection. He came to the disciples and related to them the purpose behind His delivery into the hands of the enemy. I read this passage in the darkness of the evening, and it broke my heart into pieces.

How many times has God told me of the things that are going on around me, and my response has almost always been - huh? I can see with my eyes the rubble and destruction, but what should my heart see? What am I missing when I complain about the heat and strange smell in my house, when people in Galveston have had to combat 17 feet of floodwater? Why can I not thank God that my roof is not freshly ventilated, and my yard is not newly landscaped? Instead of having my little pity party, I should be praying and interceding for those that are not as fortunate. I should use this time to walk across the street and help my neighbor clean his yard, or work at the Red Cross shelter like my cousin - J-Mod - did on Sunday. Being a Christian does not spare you from disaster; it just opens your eyes to see the bigger picture when people around your are all suffering from tunnel vision.

My prayer today is that God will open my mind so that it can understand his words. I pray that I can have the right words to speak when my fellow-man complains about his trashed yard. I can hopefully provide an answer that comes from beyond my reach of understanding when he asks "Why did this happen to me?" In doing that, a little bit of the world that was dark can be reclaimed by the light. Are you willing to turn the light switch on in your corner of the world?

What Next?

2008-09-11T18:14:00.007-05:00

Over 1 MILLION people are being ordered to evacuate the Texas coast ahead of Hurricane Ike. It is said that the storm itself takes up over 40% of the area that is the Gulf of Mexico, and it is shutting down refineries that will likely send gas prices through the roof. Crude oil prices and the mortgage crisis have delivered crushing body punches to our economy, and it's ribs are bruised and bleeding. We have the election, and oh, did I mention this little thing called the "War on Terror?"

As I watched the news this evening, my mind wandered. I wish we were quicker to prevent devastation before it hits our coastal shores. I would like to see a daily commitment to the elimination of poverty in our country that has the same intensity of the relief efforts that are going on now during the hurricanes. I would like to see us be more concerned about the lives that stand in the path of this storm than the oil refinery that is in Houston. This hurricane is bearing down on millions of people, and we are concerned about the price of oil on the NYSE? You have got to be kidding me! When will we learn to focus on the importance of human life and decent morality and let economics fall by the peripheral? Please pray for those in the path of this gruesome storm, their lives and futures depend on it.

MTV had their annual awards show this week, and something very interesting came out of it. I only saw it on the internet, and it was just in a couple of columns. It was the resurgence of the "promise ring." The Jonas Brothers wear promise rings, proclaiming their resolve to save their virginity until marriage. The host for the night made fun of them for that stance, and several celebrities came to their defense. Jordin Sparks and Paris Hilton were two of the biggest names that came to their side immediately. How many of you heard about this on your evening news?

I love that we take care of our hurting physically, and that is absolutely needed. I just wish we were more interested in offering safe harbor spiritually to those that are hurting. I think that we often miss the boat in that respect. We come to our own rescue to help re-build ravaged lands, and we pour obscene amounts of money into efforts that just bring us back to the state we were in. Offering true comfort to those that are hurting costs us nothing. We don't even have to mobilize concentrated efforts to impact our world in a way that would force peace into a hostile environment. We can offer a room to stay for family of friends that are displaced during this time. We can take blankets to the shelters that will be no doubt slammed for the next week. We can offer up a simple prayer that God will see those through that are in the bullseye of danger. We can just offer a few pennies in God's name to the homeless on the street corner - forgetting our hideously arrogant opinion of what they might do with it. God's word says that if you offer so much as a cup of water to a stranger in the name of Christ, it is like offering it to Christ himself (Matthew 25:34-40.) You can do little things that don't cost a dime, and they become contagious if they are done correctly.

I am playing in an event called "the burn" on Saturday morning at 6. I have been a couple of times, and it is absolutely fantastic. I also hope to go to something called "Soma" on Sunday evening. I have high expectations of each, and I hope to be able to blog about them either Sunday night or Monday - assuming Ike will allow it, of course. I hope to start something like this in Longview. If any of you that read this are interested, let's start praying that God can use us filthy vessels to help reach a community that is struggling to stay afloat. I think that it will be interesting to see what can be done with a few simple acts of God-inspired love.

The Smell of Rain

2008-09-08T21:37:00.004-05:00

First of all, let me say that service yesterday was fantastic. I got lost in the worship, but somehow stayed on the same page with the rest of the group. I guess that unity is what keeps us all connected, while still allowing us to worship with freedom. Tim had a good message, and I really enjoyed it. It was about community, and people in my stage of life are searching for that very thing - connection. Most of my friends are married now, but the few that aren't echo the same thought. Who am I supposed to be with and what am I supposed to do now? I saw this same principle a little differently while working with Andrew at Generations on Saturday as well. Nearly 30 LeTourneau students showed up to help with the remodel of our student center. All I can say is: "Wow!" When I was in college, I couldn't have even told you what 8:oo a.m. smelled like.

College students, young professionals, and the through-with-education-but-I-have-no-idea-what-is-to-come-next crowd are looking for direction, but we don't want anyone to know it. We want to be seen as people that have a clue, but we are scared to death that the clue that we have is wrong. Family, children, career, mortgage, and the pressure that is placed on us by not having all of these the way we should magnifies the sense of drifting that we experience. I have to admit that the pressure is unbearable at times. If it weren't for the comfort that I feel from my wife, I would not be able to keep my head up. She and my children keep me focused on the fun things of life while the tough things get worked out behind the scenes by God.

People that travel beside me on the road of life usually fall into two groups. The first is the group that has experienced the life-changing peace of salvation. This group usually sees the joy that is on the horizon (even though the clouds of turmoil block it from view sometimes.) They may not always be upbeat, but they know who they believe in. They trust that the hand that holds their future won't be arthritic or feeble. This idea is embodied in one family in my church that has really gone through it. The father of the family has been out of work for some time, and he has endured countless surgeries and bouts of terrible health. They are a young family with kids, and the stresses have really mounded up on them. The thing is, this man always greets me with a firm handshake, and a quirky smile. His joy is contagious, and I find myself smiling about the encounter with him even though the conversation has been over since yesterday morning. He is a fantastic person, and he doesn't deserve the pain that he has had to go through. He teaches me faith, because he holds his head up when mine is down just thinking about his troubles. To coin a phrase from him a few months back while he was undergoing yet another surgery: sometimes you just have to get up and say "Bob and weave, son...bob and weave (holding his hands up like Muhammed Ali.)"

The second is the group that has experienced the life changing pain of hurt and failure, and they don't want to leave themselves open to anything like that again. Pain makes them scared of giving way to vulnerability. It makes them a skeptic, and they have to see a record of perfect results before their hearts are opened to visitors. They are resolved to the idea that you keep yourself afloat - with or without any one's help. Any kind of trust that has been promoted has been a lie, or just an attempt to get something for nothing. Cynicism is the daily diet, and doubt is the delectable dessert at the end of the meal - because it usually does not let them down. Doubt and reservation are a means of survival, and anything preached that is contrary to that is highly suspect. Even though things around them seem to be closing in, they have made it this far and see no reason to change now. This is the people group that my heart bleeds for, maybe because I was one of them not too long ago. I remember the searing pain that would set in when I had no one to latch on to when my boat was taking on water. I just had to swallow my pain and start dipping the water out with my hands, hoping that it wouldn't sink me this time. It got harder and harder to find things to tie myself to, and I was running out of options fast.

Out of the blue, a hand reached out for me, and I had to grab it - I had no other options left. Whether I believed in it or not, it could at least buy me some time until something else floated by (notice I said something else, not something better.) I wasn't looking for something great, I was just looking for something, anything. I wish that I could say that I had some kind of Damascus road experience, but I didn't. It wasn't like I heard a voice boom from the heavens saying "follow me, and I will show you peace." I learned that true peace doesn't act that way, and I need to keep this in mind when I try to reach out to others in my previous situation. Small groups and discipleship training are great, but I need to not lose sight of the need that is present. People just want someone that they can connect to. If they wanted to buy what you were selling, they would probably be looking for a package deal that comes with a warranty - and you can't warranty it by yourself.

Truth is, the gospel doesn't need my help to do that anyway. The inspired word of God is just fine without my interpretation. I just need to keep my mind focused on the heart of the matter - love. From Genesis to Revelation, love is the thread that runs rampant throughout all of the bible that I have read. Christ was at his angriest when He saw how the religious leaders treated the "common folk." I am reading Matthew and Mark right now, and it tells of how incensed the Sadducee's and Pharisee's were when the heard of Jesus sitting down to dine with tax collectors and the scum of society. It seems that the scholars of the time had their own thing going that separated the less than desirable from their view, and they didn't want anyone messing with that. I can see the love of Christ at it's pinnacle when He prayed at the garden of Gethsemane. He pleaded with God that the cup be passed if it could possibly be. The realization that His death was the only hope for those that were to follow was the birth of true love. Funny how others were seeking to suppress this movement by murdering the person responsible for it, huh? When I think of what Jesus went through, it makes me love Him just that much more.

I think of Christ as a summer evening rain. The sweltering heat of the day presses on you when you walk out of the door. The dirt and filth seem to stick to everything available, and you can't shake it. It draws all of your strength, and leaves you a dried, cracked disaster of what you were at the start of the day. Even nightfall does little to offer shelter from the heat, as East Texas still has temps in the upper 80's at 10 p.m. during the hottest streak of the summer. Let a little thunder storm roll in though, and you will see the effects of a cleansing rain. Tonight, there is a thunderstorm brewing. Loud thunder and intense flashes of lightning pronounce the arrival of the liquid restoration. It seems odd that the brash activity provided by the thunder and lightning are followed by a very quiet, deliberately soft rain. Even now, I can hear the drops gather at the base of my back patio. I know that the dust that is now on my landscape will be settled, and the smell of the rain will force the heat of the night into submission. It isn't strange to have a 15-20 degree drop in night temps during a rain storm. During my peaceful slumber, the heat of today will have been dissolved, and another day will await me tomorrow. The blades of grass that needed that life-giving water so desperately depend on the sky alone to provide their nourishment, and they have not gone hungry this evening.

Bring the rain to people around you. Wash away the oppressive doubt and fear that has pounded them all day with the soft and gentle water of Christ. Be the soothing peace that is only found in the quiet curtain of rainfall on a summer evening. They don't need a deluge of peace, only just enough to wash away the hurt and nourish the dry soil of their hearts. Keep in mind how it feels to be washed away by flood waters. It wasn't too long ago that you were in that same sinking boat.

Speechless

2008-09-02T20:03:00.004-05:00

Have you ever failed someone miserably? I don't mean that you let them down, or didn't live up to expectations. I mean have you ever been the person that someone absolutely counted on, and let that person down when it absolutely mattered? Better yet, did your failure impact more than the one person that counted on you? Have you ever dropped the ball and let down hundreds, thousands, maybe more? Maybe you haven't crushed the hopes and dreams of thousands upon thousands. Maybe you just impacted a couple of lives making healing difficult, creating a need for an extraordinary effort by someone else start the mending process. The intent of today's blog is to ask you what you do to bring comfort to someone that has crushed or has been crushed. Connection - to make it super simple. The importance of having it, and the impact of destroying it.

I watched a video on Timbo Slice's blog (sorry Tim, but that is your new nickname) today about Michael Guglielmucci - the dude that wrote the song "Healer." If you aren't familiar with the story, watch the video here to get acclimated. He asked forgiveness for his total fabrication of the last two years of his life. I was at first angry with what this guy was spewing, even though I had already "forgiven" him a few weeks ago. I thought that he offered the story of the addiction to porn to make himself the victim in the situation. The first take on the newest video was to be furious with him. How many views of Christianity did he screw up? How many would need some serious time before they could trust "those lying Christians" again? Man, what damage we do to each other, right?

It was then that I was told something by a friend that left me void of speech. I seriously opened my mouth expecting words to come tripping out over my tongue, but nothing showed up. For those that know me, this is an unusual occurrence. The person that delivered the news didn't hurt me, but it would have been easier if they would have. I could have offered a clumsy "I'm sorry" followed by a half-hearted hug. One of the people that I had hurt was half way across the country, and the pain had been marinating for a couple of days then. The other was half way across town, but the distance seemed too daunting to cover. I was told a story of how two lives that had been very close to me had split into. I don't know what was worse, wondering if a misplaced conversation had hurried the split, or wishing that I could have been there to comfort and possibly heal the split before it started.

Society has created a lifestyle of isolationism by the increasingly terrible ways that we fail each other. It is a learned behavior, and one that is extremely difficult to overcome. We are taught that we can do anything that we put our minds to, and that lesson is for the most part good. The problem is that we promote the idea of rising above our situations with every possible opportunity. Wait a minute, did he just say that? I know what may be thinking, and just hang with me. Hear me out before you click to the next page.

"Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" is a good thing (thanks for the quote, Pastor Carter.) Making the best out of a bad situation is what makes the best feel-good movie script. What I am talking about is simple. Try not to leave everyone behind in a state of absolute desperation when you pull up those bootstraps and start to walk out. People are depending on you, whether you or they know it or not. To prove this point, pick up the tab for a complete stranger on your way out of a restaurant this weekend. To make it even more poignant, buy dinner for a family of five with three screaming kids and two stressed out parents. To identify this situation, look for food thrown about in a chaotic manner and the absence of any other patrons or waitstaff. They usually sit next to the kitchen to mask the noise generated. I know this because I am usually the dad sitting there, rubbing his eyes and repeating: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." Most of the time, we are quick with phrases like "If you couldn't control kids, why did you go and have three?" Another personal favorite is "You should be ashamed by what you have done to everyone else in this restaurant." We don't have the guts to come out and say these things, but come on and admit it - some derivation of these phrases has probably crossed your mind. They usually run through after a day that has tested your patience to the limits of your sanity. A quick but effective stare with purpose drives home the point. The person on the receiving end of that eyeball missile probably had a day that was just as tough as yours. Keep in mind that your kids (if you have any) probably behaved like little saints, so cut the other guy some slack, will ya?

Sorry to go off on a rant there, sometimes it just feels better to get it all out! Seriously, look around you sometime during your day, or on your weekend. Get away from family and friends, and look at how people react to each other. Some people make each other feel better, and some people make you a fan of being stranded on a desert island. Consider smiling when you walk by someone, or opening the door for a person that has their arms full. You would be amazed at the way a good word improves someones day. The great thing is that words are free! The only investment that is made is the thought before the word is delivered. Act with purpose when you connect with someone, and I am sure that you will see a positive impact. Remember that sometimes the only connection that is needed is that of a glancing blow. Most of the time, this little bump helps to keep the person from careening off of Sanity Boulevard while life sling-shots them forward at breakneck speed. In contrast, think about the damage that a verbal pothole can do to someone that is just at the point of being out of control. Your thoughts give birth to words. Pre-natal care should be used to grow them into something healthy.

Now for the heart-breaking matter of today's post. When you fail the VIP's in your life, how do you recover and reconcile? Is it better to let the pain scab over before you attempt to offer CPR to the relationship? I hope that you are not looking for an answer full of insight because I need an answer to this myself. I have failed many people in my short life span, and I am sick of myself for it. I look at myself in the mirror, and it is hard to stare back at the face full of stupid mistakes sometimes. I know that God is out there, but it feels like He is really out there and out of reach at times. According to many, I have the freedom of choice when it comes to spiritual decisions. Why can't I choose to not make a mess of things? The only good that has come out of this inward-looking evaluation is that the mistakes that I have made with my wife and kids have started to pay off by teaching me some good lessons. I still have a good bit to learn, but progress is progress, right?

To those people that I have failed, let me say this: don't let my failure ruin your view of friendship and connection. We are all vital to each other, and I know this more now than ever. I will not make some crummy excuse that explains away the hurt that you feel, because that would show you that friendship is cheap. Instead, I will admit that I failed you miserably, and I am sorry. If I could cry tears of blood and write a novel with them, I would do so. Please don't see my character flaws as things that are inherent in society. Instead, see that I am just a person that needs to be saved from himself - daily. We all need each other, but the pain of failure comes with that sometimes. We just need the happiness to overshadow those feelings of hurt and pain. I hope that I can offer more joy so that the memories of my failure can be distant. I will not promise to do so, because that promise would be a lie. Instead, I can tell you that my heart should do the talking, because my mouth is absolutely clueless.

Friendship with me will be a job, and I apologize for that. Just know that I don't always fail the people that I care about. However, I wouldn't trust me to hold a bungee chord for you until we prayed the prayer of salvation first. I know He won't drop you.

Please leave your comments, I need some insight from someone.

Now Serving: 17,623

2008-08-31T23:35:00.005-05:00

Man, what a Sunday! This morning, it felt like we were just on the edge of something truly magnificent. The worship was great, don't get me wrong. It just felt like we almost broke through something really special. This was baptism Sunday, and I always enjoy the stories that come from these services. One lady turned her life around from an addiction to meth. She said that her family didn't even recognize her anymore. I fought back tears as her video played.

After the last baptism, we played "Your Grace is Enough," and the response was tremendous. Tim wanted to start with just the kick to get everyone involved, and the entire audience was clapping and getting amped! I think that people are coming to our services these days with a sense of expectancy. We have been able to go to some special levels during worship over the last couple of months, and the feeling is getting contagious.

Pastor gave a message that was direct. I felt like my feet were getting stomped for a good portion of the service. Sometimes the truth is tough to stomach, but that is what is healthy for me. I normally choose the sweet or deep-fried versions of my interpretation of truth, but that only leads to a sluggish and unhealthy spirit. I am thankful that my pastor doesn't shy away from what God tells him to speak about.

Temptation was the focus of today's message, and I want to post a couple of thoughts that came to my mind this morning. In the reality of today's current events, it is easy to get wrapped up in the constant parade of things that shout for my attention. Monday, my son started school. Tuesday, my wife had a blowout on the interstate while coming home. The blowout resulted in 200 bucks that weren't planned for. Wednesday, the a/c compressor on the car went out and stranded Meredith and the kids in the parking lot of a good friend's business. 600 clams later, I was starting to wonder what God was trying to tell me. Thursday and Friday, I watched "Gustav" start his march towards friends and family in Louisiana and Mississippi. I then saw yesterday that "Hannah" is going to follow closely behind. What is the deal? Throw in a holiday-shortened work week, and my head is spinning.

To be honest, I was not in a good frame of mind coming into service this morning. I was overwhelmed and a little frightened with thoughts of how to make life work for my family. I am thankful that God has provided all that He has, because I know some that don't have enough. I guess that I am greedy when I am pressed to want a little more during times like this. I am convicted by my personal struggles when I know others in my life have a much harder path to walk. Today, Brandon Love sent me a text that hit me in my spirit. He was at Wal-Mart when he saw some evacuees that were fleeing in advance from hurricane Gustav. He said that they were just sitting there, and he wished he could help them. Simple geography separates me from them, and that is a sobering thought. What would I do if I were forced to gather my family and leave everything that was "important" behind? How on earth would I be able to keep it together long enough to not freak my wife and kids out? When I think about the things that trip me up in my day-to-day, I realize that I am a spiritual sissy.

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease" is a saying that I have heard all of my life. It means that the loudest thing gets the most attention, regardless of its' importance. Seldom does the manifestation of the problem relay the true cause of the impending failure. It is the result of an intense search that identifies the truly most important area that should be the focus of our concern. That would be called discipline, and I am severely lacking in that department. My grandfather was the master of this character-building tool. He would sit back and take in all of the production, all the while reading the situation for the truth that was in disguise. He was slow to act, but his action was seldom wrong when it arrived to the party. I miss him so much during these times, because he could teach me some great things that could save heartache.

I guess that the secret of keeping your wits about you is to make things take a number. I have to realize that God must always come first. He is never going to push his way to the front of the line and grab me by the collar, so I can't look for a big commotion to find him. He has always been the one that sits quietly in the back of the room, waiting for me to get settled so that He can have my undivided attention. I find that if I go and seek His advice during all of the commotion, usually the chaos subsides and order is restored. Why is it so hard to remember that?

Pastor commented that Satan is a formidable force. He isn't stupid, and he isn't weak. His traps are tricky, and the tools that he uses are specialized for my situation. He has been doing this for quite a while with much success, and his methods change daily. I think that Satan's greatest tool in his attack against me is that he persuades me that he isn't all that stout. In sports, a good offense attacks the weakness of the defense. If a defense can mask their strength so that it is perceived as a weakness, the best offense available is but a puppet at their command. Satan presents himself to me in this way. The key to fighting an enemy with his capability is to find the one that knows all of his patterns and weapons. God is the only one that Satan must submit to, so it only makes sense that I should cling to Christ when the flood waters try to drag me away. In reading about the persecution of Job, Satan had to ask God for permission before he could even approach Job. Man, what a privilege we have as children of God!

In closing, chaotic actions seldom bring order to chaotic situations. Consider the punching bag. It is made to absorb a constant barrage of fists and feet, standing firm for years of use. The manufacturer of this item took the environment of abuse that this training tool would be subjected to into consideration during the initial stages of it's design. In the same way, our Heavenly Father knows what we are going to face before we can even see the event start to materialize. Jesus knows the struggles that temptation brings, because he too was tempted by Satan. It is during these chaotic times that I must wrap my life line around me. I have to tie myself to Christ to be able to weather the storm. I must also listen to Christ when he tells me to evacuate, so that I am not left to navigate the storm with no compass.

Please pray for those in the Gulf Coast area as they are in harms way during the hurricane season. After the flood waters retreat, pray for healing and restoration. Geography is the only dividing line between us, but it should be physical and not spiritual.

"I'm a little nervous"

2008-08-28T08:18:00.012-05:00

Monday, David started school. I HATE THIS! He is still my little boy, and he has grown up so much that it isn't funny. Meredith and the kids got in from Seattle late Sunday evening, so I was worried that the "Monday Morning Blues" would hit with atomic force when I woke everyone up at 6. I dressed the kids and got them ready, then woke Meredith up. Everything went off without a hitch and I was impressed. Amy Gabbard kept the other two (thanks for the help, Amy - we couldn't have done it without you) and Meredith took David in to start his career in education. As they walk up to the door, David turns and says "I'm a little nervous, Mom." It is a good thing that Meredith took him, because I would have scooped him up and took him home immediately. It broke my heart that he was going to be left in that big school building all alone to fend for himself. My kids are growing up, and it scares me.

When we had David, I didn't really even believe that we were pregnant until I saw him in the hospital. That sounds stupid, I know. I saw the physical changes and put together all of the baby stuff, but it didn't register psychologically until I heard that little faint cry in the operating room. It hit me like a semi-truck when I held him in my arms for the first time. I was a dad, my wife was a mom, and our whole future just intensified. For the first time in my life, I HAD to keep a job. We HAD to stabilize our present and plan for the future. It was overwhelming to say the least, but I look back on that day with a smile. All of the uncertainty and fear was overshadowed by the fact that I had someone that was the physical manifestation of love. As he took naps on my chest, that little boy's heart beat right along to the same tempo as mine. I had a family, and it felt very nice.

We have since had two more children, and each birth was spectacular in it's own way. Little Paige cried and cried in the nursery, and she only slept when everyone else was screaming at the top of their lungs. I still get choked up when I see the pictures of my tiny little princess. She is a little mom in training, and she loves her brothers so very much. My greatest joy is that she is the one that I can always count on an "I lub you daddy" from. The boys and I play rough. and they are very high octane. She almost always stops to climb up in my lap at least once and hug my neck when she is being chased by the other two. Brushing her hair and buying the little clothes in varying shades of pink are just a couple of the highlights of having her in my life. My little girl has me wrapped around her little finger, and I don't have any issues with that. In fact, I find that I fit perfectly.

Jonathan's birth was the last one, and it was sad for me because he was last. I realized that we were making the right decision, but it was still hard to know that I wouldn't hear the first "daddy" from anyone after him. He came home from Seattle saying "daddy" plain enough that I don't have to strain to hear it. When they got off of the plane at Longview, I could see his toothy smile from across the terminal. He was kicking his little legs and laughing while David pushed the stroller across the pavement outside of the terminal. May I tell you that the memory of that moment will stick in my mind for the rest of my life. Since then, the rough patches in my day definitely have an adversary in that little memory. Jonathan is the analytical thinker of the group, and he will be the one that pays for all of the empire (if he wants to.) He runs towards me, knowing that I will sweep him up and tickle him until he gasps for breath. I then put him down, and he runs to a safe distance, only to turn and repeat the same insanity once again. We do this for hours every night, and I cherish those moments so greatly. It brings me to tears to know that one day, he too will start kindergarten and the clock will start to click much faster.

I cannot comment about my kids without praising the one that is responsible for them, because she is what completes me (I apologize for the cheesy Jerry Maguire movie line.) I am consistently amazed by her strength and courage in every possible configuration of our life. Meredith has been my life-line since the day we met, and she is definitely my true love. Without her, nothing else would be worth anything to me. I crave her presence in every room that I am in, and my heart leaps for joy when she walks through the door. She is graceful in every moment, and she does not sway when the winds of emotion blow. She is the example that I want my kids to live up to. I count myself as the luckiest man in the world to have her by my side My love for her grows deeper every day.

All in all, my family is vital to my sanity (and sometimes to my insanity.) When they were away last week, nothing worked right. I couldn't eat, sleep, or even sit in my house without missing them. I felt all alone in a frightening place that I didn't want to be in. Family seems to do that to you.

As I re-read this post, I realize that I have to make one last comment. Family is needed, even if family has let you down in the past. If you don't have family, you may not understand the fullness of the impact that a well placed and meaningful "I love you" brings. If that is your case, I challenge you to explore the bible. Read the passages that tell of the love that God has for his children (John 3:16 is a good one to start with.) Realize that the "children" that God is talking about includes you as well.

Sometimes you feel like the butterflies in your stomach have turned into fighter jets. You feel like the world is closing in around you, and you are running out of places to hide. When you look up and see that immense, ominous, unknown circumstance bearing down upon you, it's OK to say "I'm a little nervous." Family is the one that holds on to your hand a little tighter and helps you to get through it. "You're going to do fine, honey" has a way of sending all of that fear into hiding.

Who is listening?

2008-08-24T13:49:00.005-05:00

Great service this morning. I really enjoy being able to worship with the folks that are on our worship team. Tim, Chris, Jeff, Eddie, Ricky the Vocalists, the AV Team, Michelle, and Luis (hope I spelled it right) are tremendous people, and their good hearts allow the Holy Spirit to flow without resistance. People need an environment that doesn't have tension and unrest to be able to let God minister to their lives effectively. Too many times, I have been in services where the presence of the church has overwhelmed the spirit of God. I feel so blessed that our church doesn't have to fight that. We missed Eddie and Ricky today, but it makes me look that much more forward to them being back next week.

If you are involved in ministry, you need to thank your leaders often. I get into the habit of being a critic of people that are charged with leading the ministries that I really enjoy participating in. Most of the time, they are guaranteed to get criticism, so a good and friendly word does wonders for their spirit. Let your relationship with them be a joy, not a job.

This will be my last post for a while. I feel God calling me to get off of my duff and make some progress on my book. Today's post will be a result of what God placed on my heart this morning. We prayed for our children as they start back to school, and my heart was pulled from my chest and slammed against the wall. I don't exactly know who this applies to, but I feel that I need to write it so hear goes.

Love is a funny thing. We all need it, but most everyone at some point in their life has been abused by it. That is why we seem to want it to fail. Feelings and emotions often masquerade as love, and that makes us skeptics. Emotions and feelings ride the tide of your environment, and change as much as the skies in spring. On my TV, there is a show titled "Cheaters." This show is built on the premise that spouses will fail each other as soon as the opportunity presents itself. It shows the viewer that those feelings that creep in and start to unravel your beautiful relationship are perfectly normal, and expected many times. It is not the only show that thrives on this kind of garbage. The daytime talk shows and soap operas offer hours and hours of spiritual pollution. They vary in name and time slot, but carry the same virus of moral and ethical decay.

Observe one of these episodes, and you will wonder how the family unit is supposed to survive these kinds of attacks. When I grew up, the folks that drank from this well of "harmless entertainment" were the housewives that worked in the home. I think that this had a great deal of affect on my generation's divorce rate. When one of the marriage relationship is constantly bombarded by visual examples of infidelity and lies, the other (often un-suspecting) part of the relationship is seen in the same light of deception that is portrayed on the TV set. The marriage is undermined by the perceived lack of truth that is present in the relationship. Usually, the sides get into arguments for no reason, and the lack of communication is like a buffet dinner to this virus of anti-trust. The sides grow apart, and the result is just another contribution to the statistics of divorce. The christian artist "Carmen" said it best - "Garbage in, garbage out."

This perception of love is being soaked up by today's culture. You need not look farther than the magazine stand, hottest news blurb on the net, or the latest celebrity gossip show on your TV to find the example of love that our society is feeding off of. I heard a report yesterday that said the hottest fashion accessory of today's young Hollywood woman is a baby. How terrible that a child that should be seen as a blessing from God is now perceived as merely a fashion accessory! What is wrong with us?

We don't know, and that is the problem. We don't have a good idea of what true love is. True love does not beg us for something, and then leave us feeling hollow and deceived. True love is a captivating kind of thing. It transcends time and situation. It pierces through the darkest night. It draws us out of our painful situation, and begs us to leave the pain behind. It heals and gives hope, no matter the environment that it finds you in. True love gives us the push that we need to say "This isn't so bad." Without true love, we can never seem to make it all work. It is like pushing water up hill. Everything seems to blow up in our face, and nothing ever finishes the way we saw it finishing when we started it. True love is a life saver, and it is contagious. Unfortunately, we look for it a great deal without ever finding it.

Today, people will tell you that true love is a misconception. True love doesn't exist, according to Cosmo and Oprah. Everything has an agenda. Well, I can tell you that it does exist. I can even tell you where it is...and I will. For just three easy, monthly payments of $47.95 - plus shipping and handling - this "true love" can be yours! If you call within the next 15 minutes, I will even throw in a handy fruit juicer, and this luxurious set of steak knives.....AAARGHH!!! Is this how you feel when you are searching for true love? Do you feel that someone is wanting you to commit and throwing stuff at you to lure you in? True love doesn't operate that way. The Author of true love doesn't require anything of you for you to enjoy this true love. God only wants you to say "I love you, God." That's it. How simple is that? The only requirement is that you confess your sins, and ask Him to help you through the process of conquering them. If you fail each day, or several times a day, that is OK. Just ask Him to help you when you let yourself down.

I challenge everyone that comes across this blog to spread TRUE LOVE in your small bit of the world. Let true love be the banner that people see you carrying, and when they ask you where to find it, tell them. If we can spread true love like at the same rate that AIDS has been contracted, we can eliminate the virus of hate and the decay of deception. It will then be only a matter of time before we can see True Love as a cornerstone of our society. On your marks, get set, go!

Agony of Defeat

2008-08-21T22:24:00.003-05:00

I learned yesterday that the song "Healer" was promoted with a lie. Check out Tim Gabbard's blog for articles that concern this. Joe Gabbard's blog has his excellent thoughts on the same issue. After practice last night, our music ministry prayed for this man and his family. We also prayed that this would not be a distraction to any that would come to our service.

It seems that I am able to see stories every day that relate the tragic failures of people that are held as "religious leaders." Maybe the mantle that I place on them is the greatest opportunity for their failure. When this came to mind, I couldn't be angry with the man. I have to be honest with myself and direct my anger inward. In truth, my anger is not that the deceit was un-masked. My anger is that the work of our ministry could be dismantled by this culture of sensational exposure. This thought brings to mind my lack of faith in God. Can this single act negate our faith in the omniscience of our Heavenly Father? Is it possible that this is the actual real intent of these kinds of attacks? If you take this into consideration, the person that has seen their life destroyed by temptation is merely a pawn in a monumental chess match. As you can see, my mind has been chewing this news, but it is having trouble swallowing it.

I am drawn back to the old "Wide World of Sports" on ABC. It always opened with a video tag that related the "thrill of victory...and the agony of defeat (cue cheesy promo music and horrible ski-jump.)" I have had to ask myself some tough questions over the last few weeks. This recent news forced me to figure out my intent of participation in worship. Personal struggles, financial hardships, and spiritual hurdles have forced me to look at the path that I am traveling. More importantly, it required me to evaluate the intent and level of dedication that I use to keep my travel moving. I think that these two components are more important than the direction. The direction changes daily and sometimes swerves erratically. My intent is the compass that brings me back to true north, and the dedication factor keeps me coming back until I get it right. Like spokes on a wheel, every element is necessary to keep on spinning.

The question that is going to become my banner is this. Am I pursuing God with reckless abandon, or do I let the agony of defeat draw me away? I need to quit letting peripheral blurs attract my attention and focus. I must rely on my faith in God to bring me through whatever tries to plow down my door and send my life into upheaval. I need to seriously evaluate my commitment.

As the days grow longer and my children grow older, I will have to answer their questions when failure slams into their lives. I cannot answer confusion with anger and emotion. I must provide answers of truth and nothing else. The man lied, everyone knows, but God still forgives. God's power is not tied to some particular song or worship venue. It is instead tied to my personal walk with him. This is the point that I need to find solace in. I will let God do the work of dismantling the work of the enemy - He's good at that.

Reckless - marked by lack of proper caution : careless of consequences.

Abandon - to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly.

I will pursue God with reckless abandon. I will make a relationship with God my ultimate goal. I will keep my eyes on this goal, because when you take your eyes off of the goal, all you see are the hurdles (thank you for the small group memory, Daniel.) I will not allow the attacks of the enemy to gauge the effectiveness of my relationship with God. I will keep myself close enough to God so that other things can't weasel their way in. In doing this, the questions that come my way from my children and other outside sources will be answered in the absolute correct way. I will try my best to not give in to the sensationalized waves of influence that seek to drown the move of God. Above all, I will trust in the "omni" of God - in all situations, He is everything that He is and nothing can approach any part of Him. His truth is what begs me to stand against the junk that thunders towards me. His peace is what holds my head up when I am dejected by my failures. His love carries me through when the attacks seem to come from everywhere. His might brings justice, and that justice is never late. These are just a few of the characteristics that I love about God. I find myself loving the fact that I know Him. I love it even more that He knows me.

So, I challenge you to take up the banner of reckless abandon. Move with purpose, but let God decide what the purpose will be. When the attacks start to hurt, rub some dirt on it and walk it off. Whatever you do, don't stop moving.

Peace - Be Still.

2008-08-19T18:44:00.009-05:00

Sunday service was excellent. I felt the power of God and his forgiveness like I haven't before. We played for almost an hour, and I could have played for the rest of the day. I am in desperate need of touch and guidance, and Sunday's service helped tremendously. I have been blessed to feel an emphasis of God's peace for the last few weeks, and I am now the emphasis has shifted to love. I am so grateful that I know Jesus, even though I only know a small portion of who he is. I am constantly humbled by his concern for me. In my life, people shift into and out of my concern, but God doesn't operate that way.

Mark 4:39&40 (New Living Translation) 39 When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. 40 Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

My question today, is how do you proclaim peace in a hostile environment?

Chapter 4 of Mark tells of how Jesus had ministered to a large crowd all day before loading up on the boat to cross the water. His message that day revolved around the power of God's Kingdom, and the consequences of not utilizing that power. He spoke privately to the disciples after the crowds had dispersed, intent on explaining the beauty of the power of God. Despite hearing the message on power and the absolute submission of everything and every situation to that power, the group was gripped with fear as death seemed to snap at their feet. During all of the chaos of the storm, the disciples were frantically rushing about, trying everything in their power to ensure their safety. The last security that they tapped was the sleeping Jesus. He stood, proclaimed peace, and then questioned their lack of faith in Him.

If anyone should have understood the power of Christ, shouldn't it have been them? They no doubt saw examples daily of the miraculous power of God, and they had just listened to lessons on that same topic for an entire day! Still, they let fear take control when things got dicey. Why do we consistently do that? I see examples daily in my own life and the lives of those around me that shout "WE GOT IT - NO HELP NEEDED!" It is only when the flood waters threaten the rooftop, and the fire starts to char the front door that we finally look elsewhere for rescue. Our strength has become our weakness, and our knowledge the final nail in the coffin. God is standing, reaching, shouting for my attention, as I desperately follow the route to destruction. I am amazed that He doesn't tire of watching me try to go over the falls again and again. I am glad that He saves me from myself, but I am embarrassed that he has to.

Faith in God is a curious thing. It cannot be touched or felt with human hands, or observed by sound or sight. It is elusive, and specific to each individual. This makes it hard for me to explain the necessity of it to those that don't already have it. I know from my experience that my faith becomes real when nothing else can step in to bring resolution to the situation at hand. In those moments when nothing else makes sense, or no other possibility can explain away the results, I can't produce touchable evidence of the presence faith, but I can't validate the results any other way. Faith and the realization of faith only comes from a relationship with God. Faith in any forum or environment is at the mercy of the limitations of the provider of that faith - we can only trust someone as much as they can be trusted. The only one that has never and will not ever let me down in any situation is God. The trust that comes from that realization is faith.

It is by that faith that I can stand and proclaim peace in the swirling winds of chaos and destruction. The faith that God will not put more on me than I can stand allows me to breathe easier when fear grips my soul. My bible tells me that everything that ever hopes to affect me or cross my path has to submit power, method, capability, action, intent and capacity to God before it can proceed. Knowledge of this single fact is what gives me the confidence to stand in the face of immanent destruction and proclaim victory and deliverance when all I can see is death and terror. If you are like me, and you sometimes cannot see how a situation will pan out, ask God to renew your faith. You will not leave that conversation in the same shape.

Where did all the men go?

2008-08-08T09:40:00.002-05:00

This morning, I am listening to a podcast of "Anvil and the Hammer" # 13 Jonah 33 Part 1. It is an older podcast, but it screams loudly in my heart, and I felt compelled to post on it.

The hosts of the podcast speak to Jonah 33 front man Vince Lichlyter about his mission, and what his band represents. Throughout the cast, they talk about the need for real men in todays culture, and this hit me in the face. I am a father of 3 and husband, and the roles that I must fulfill as a man, father, and husband are great. My primarly role is to help to protect my portion of society and show others to don't have that protection the way to Christ.

I feel compelled to honor my wife, nurture my kids, and show others what a Godly man is. From where I stand, this is the single most important element that is missing from the culture around me. Society has "evolved" to the point that it attacks the importance of gender roles and how they impact the future growth of our culture. "We the people" feel content to blame the chaos that ensues from the deterioration of the family unit on shortcomings in education, politics, and anything else other than the brutal truth. Homosexuality, blurred gender definitions, and the push for absolute tolerance of all lifestyle choices have confused the next generation to the point that they do not know how to seperate truth from opinion when it comes to what their role is in the home. Boys only have one best option that they will learn from when they start trying to figure out what it means to be a man - other men. When the men that they learn from are abusive, disengaged, or just plain absent, we can only blame ourselves for the shortcomings that will naturally ensue.

The focal point that must be the center of growing the next generation has to be Christ. Men must turn to God for guidance in their own lives so that the children that are around them can learn truth from a good example. Mistakes will be made, but it is in that time that Godly instruction is absolutely important. The example that I show when dealing with my mistakes is what my children (and other children around me) will see as an acceptable way to handle theirs.

For those single mothers that may come across this post, I am not saying that a man is the only example that children can learn from. I know some men that grew up without a father as a result of one instance or another, and they turned out to be great, Godly men. What I am saying is that we, as parents (single or not), must realize that children look for examples. They will be influenced primarily by their own home situation, but they will see others and take their example into consideration as well. We must be prepared to answer the questions, and offer explanation of the things that those "little sponges" soak up.

The Other Cheek

2008-08-07T08:48:00.003-05:00

Growing up, my parent's had no problem with attacking my "curious" nature with sound lessons. I was taught to respect my elders, know my role, strive for the highest, rub some dirt on it, shake it off, and turn the other cheek - just to name a few. I have since learned that these lessons were intended to make things easier for me as I carved my chunk out of the big wad of junk we call "life." I was also taught things like - "Honor your father and mother or we will make sure that your days on this earth are short" (I learned that this is only partly scripture), and "Saying 'you're sorry' doesn't mean anything unless you change what you are doing." My attitude and intent, regretfully, were not changed in the least. I respected my parent's, but felt that they had no clue as to what I was going through, and they couldn't possibly be right all the time. Now that I have children, I see that all of these lessons that they threw my way were more of a life preserver that I would need when the muscles started to cramp up. They knew that I wasn't going to get out of the water, but they wanted me to have something to hold on to when things started to get a little sketchy.

This is a different posting today, but I am in a different frame of mind. Through some personal things that have take place, I find myself questioning respect and the reason for giving it. I guess that the thing that makes me question respect is the make-up of the person that you are respecting. The thing that confuses me a great deal is that I analyze everything these days with a spiritual mindset, and seldom do my questions get answered the way that I want them to. I usually end up with more questions that help to teach better lessons.

Family can often inflict catastrophic damage to the psychological balance of people that they are supposed to love. This can be from church, work, extended, and direct blood related family members. I think that this happens because the boundaries and borders of respect are blurred and moved a great deal. Oddly enough, I tend to respect complete and total strangers more than I respect those that are of absolute importance to me. Taking their kindness and acceptance for granted is something that I have been good at in the past, and am trying to correct with each day. In looking at the effects of my actions, I find that I seldom ever intentionally harm my loved ones. It just happens out of my lack of consideration.

There has been a new occurrence that has crossed my path regarding respect recently. Having a varied combination of friends and family, I am seeing that people tend to harm with disrespect when they feel that they have been slighted. Law enforcement, ministers, and educators are often targets for this kind of hurt and pain, despite their restrictions on acting when they are attacked. It seems that the more trivial the instance that caused the hurt, the more intense and hurtful the attack is that results from it. The simple lesson that was taught to me as a child regarding this is "The Golden Rule" - don't do something that you wouldn't want to be done to you. This is also know as "turn the other cheek."

The hang up that I have with this idea is the status of the "other cheek." The pain and hurt that results from an attack doesn't just go away because you turned the cheek, it presents another cheek to get slapped. I have to be willing to let that other cheek get slapped as well, despite the burning and stinging that still lingers. To make matters worse, when the other cheek is slapped, I have to turn once again. Once a violent reaction to the attack has been started, anger is fought with more anger, and no one can win. I find it hard to give respect when I am getting slapped around, but giving it usually helps to diffuse the situation (though it sometimes takes a while.)

The thing that is lacking in our culture seriously is loving respect. We have respect that comes from fear, idolatry, money, and power, but not respect that comes from love. A loving respect looks past the incidental brushes that come as a result of relationship. Polishing is a natural process that comes from bouncing things against other things, resulting in the smoothing of sharp edges. I just have to look at respect the same way. When someone is rubbing me the wrong way and causing friction in my life, they are helping to smooth some things out that God sees as rough spots. It is important that I am thankful at these times, because God is telling me that He is not done with me yet. I guess that the color of those bright red, burning cheeks just shows off my smile that much more.

Look at me..I'm unique!

2008-08-04T12:43:00.005-05:00

First a little update from yesterday, and then the good stuff.

Sunday was good, but it felt like I was trying to worship through fog. I guess that I missed Jeff and Eddie more than I thought. Andrew did extremely well, and Ricky, Chris, and Tim seemed to be on the same page with me, but I miss those guys when they are out.

Communion is my favorite service, and this was a special one. Pastor had a couple of men from the congregation to pray over the communion, and they each had powerful stories. Details were not given, but I have had the privilege of hearing each of their testimonies before. The work of redemption that is done by God is truly a beautiful thing.

Pastor spoke on the need for Godly character. Man, the culture that I live in is full of things that do nothing to promote truth in any situation. It seems that deceit and confusion are at every turn, and it was refreshing to hear a call to separation from the pack. We are called by name to be different from the situations that try to confuse and grow delusion around us. It was a good message, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I went to a concert on Friday night to see my "kin-folk's" band - A Bullet For Pretty Boy. Their style of music is definitely hardcore, and not everyone understands their mission. In fact, there were several bands present that did not necessarily demand hours of internal reflection, but that may not be the point anyway. I think that people too often look at purpose and intent through the filters of their own likes and dislikes. The point is missed when people cannot see the validation for a cause, and that is terrible. "Punk" music or "Screamo" groups were created as a distraction from the mainstream. Their birth was intended to be so dramatically different from other forms of musical expression that they would cast a light of scrutiny on what was considered popular and good. As a result, self-expression was their seed of creativity, spawning countless derivations of pop-culture and musical freedom. The truly tremendous thing that I experienced at this concert was the gathering of nearly 300 youths under the banner of musical freedom. The intent and purpose of the concert was to break down barriers that separate the youth in today's culture of relativity from the truth of God. I believe that this was a massive success in that these teens left thinking that Jesus might not be that bad after all.

The music was excellent (if you like the kind of music that I like), and the feeling in the venue was good. I did realize early on that I was nearly 30 as it was the first concert that I have ever gone to where I was looking for a comfortable place to sit! I stood towards the back of the room and just observed the crowd. I came to the realization that intent and purpose do not mean the same thing to me as they do to the youth of the next generation. I constantly look for the intent and purpose behind things before I can commit to participation. What I saw Friday was that allowance for the expression of ones' uniqueness is the first thing that is looked at when decisions are made by our youth. Is this situation going to suffocate my personality, or trivialize my angst? Is this environment going to restrict me, or force me to take on a uniform thought process? These are just a couple of the absolutely necessary questions that today's youth culture propose to our "established" society. The issue is, we do not answer these questions accurately. We see personality and teen angst as undesirable items that need to be changed, so we don't validate the question. We see restrictive environments as stable ones, and uniform though processes give us an out for when failure is presented - the process takes the blame instead of us. I realize that it's not that we don't have the answers, it's just that we don't like or appreciate the question.

The search for a unique look was also a blatant characteristic of the group. It seemed that each person wanted to express their individual interests outwardly in extreme ways. I think that this is a method for conversation, truthfully. It seems obvious to me that the person's attire and body language help to segregate people from their circle of interaction. If the look seems ridiculous to the observer, than a potentially awkward and unwanted occurrence of contact can be avoided. Clothes, hairstyles, accessories, and body language become a billboard for advertising the person to their world of interaction. The more drastic the appearance, the less confident the person is. Oddly enough, everyone was dressed with the intent of attracting anyone at all that had similar interests. My final revelation as the concert closed was that loneliness is a powerful motivator.

I leave you with this thought - It might mean appreciating seemingly silly appearances or listening to music that you don't enjoy, but you might just be the person that someone discovers in their time of need. Who do you want the lonely to find?

Artificial Reality

2008-07-30T09:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I scanned through some of the blogs that I really enjoy visiting, and came across a little of a reality check. Joe Gabbard's blog has a good discussion for all of those that consider themselves to be secure in their thoughts on church environment. The question of a "safe place" is a superb example of how far we as a religious culture have drifted from the intent of Christianity. People are begging for acceptance without conflict, and they don't see that to be attainable in "church." The question is, do we soften our stance on controversial topics to appease and welcome this controversy? A better question is: are we welcoming the controversy, or are we welcoming hurting people? Riddle me this, huh!

I think that religion has changed the environment that I live in greatly over the last several years. Religion and denomination have been polarized to the point that they are in focus more than the base reason for the religion. Comparatively, lack of religion or denomination seems to be more a personal badge of separation from the mainstream than a transitory search for belonging. To put is concisely, we focus more on why, where, when, and how than who. The affective results of this kind of societal philosophy is that it breaks down time-honored traditions and shakes the foundation of the faith that is being attacked. The good thing that should come out of this is the same - we consider the why, where, when, and how to make sure that it lines up with the intent of the deity we believe in (the who).

My church is a church in a transition of sorts. We have to consider the time-honored traditions because they are part of the legacy that is available for the younger generation. At the same time, we have to guide those that do not see the need for legacy yet and just want to be cared for. We also have to be open and willing to welcome a generation that has been hurt by their available legacy, and are searching for truth. In my heart, the last group is the one that I am drawn to tears over the quickest.

There is a generation of people that are tired of their youth, because it was not at all desirable. They may have been abused, lied to, taken advantage of, or a combination of all three. My childhood was full of support and loving care with the right amount of loving discipline, but that simply has not been the standard for some time now. I have to look at the world through different eyes, and I cannot do that under my own power. I cannot fully understand the person that was sexually abused as a child, and is now a mixed up, confused, defensive mess because of that abuse. I cannot completely understand the person that grew up as an object of controversy as parents fought over (or even more terrible - didn't fight over) as they went through destructive divorces. I can't understand lives that were destroyed by alcoholic or drug-abusing influences either, but that doesn't mean that I can't figure out how to love them. I see that not all people are looking for someone to take pity on them and apologize to them for their situation. Most of the time, compassion and true, considerate, loving friendship will go much farther than "yeah, I know exactly what you're going through."

Most of the "fresh adults" that I know are looking for something that will not jack up their world. They don't want anyone to throw things into turmoil, and don't want to be involved in any extra drama than they already have. They don't necessarily want to take on extra responsibilities, or feel obligated to anything that stretches them. With this in consideration, what kind of environment can I create where someone doesn't feel obligated, but can still be helped to grow in the right direction? I don't have to meet or have structured anything, I just need to show people love, and let the love do the work of creating the environment. The best friendships that I have are those where I feel instant connection - like syncing my i-pod - I don't have to go over details of every second since our last meeting. My question for you is: are you living in that kind of environment? If not, why?

Thick

2008-07-21T14:34:00.000-05:00

Today is a great day! Last week at this time, my oldest two children were battling a stomach virus, which they promptly shared with my wife and youngest when they got home from "Worm Hill" (my parent's place.) I skated by until Wednesday, but was hit hard. It was a rough patch, and I didn't get to feeling human again until this morning. I am looking forward to a new week!

I need to start by saying that God is truly awesome. I wish that I had a better, more powerful and artistic word to describe what God is to me. I feel frustrated by the constraints of the human mind and available language when I describe my Heavenly Father. I wish that there was a new word, or something that was specially reserved for one that is worthy of such magnitude.

Today's service was absolutely the most intense encounter that I have ever experienced at any time in my life. I do not want to downplay my wedding date, the birth of my children, graduation, or any of the other outstanding milestones that I have had the pleasure of encountering in my life by saying this, but it was just that spectacular. My friend Eddie Goode said it perfectly - "Man, that was thick." There were times that I couldn't stop shaking, and even now, I have a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Missing practice Wednesday left me feeling like this morning was going to be a terrible event. I didn't know what to expect, and I did not feel 100 percent on anything that we were going to do. His strength is shown in my weakness.

Baggage is a terribly overwhelming thing. I don't even realize what has happened until I look up and see that I have been crawling and struggling for months. I look back and see that the cart that I have been struggling to pull is overloaded and has bad wheels. It's very design is to make the load more difficult to carry, and I gladly let things get piled on to make it even that much more difficult. I even add things to the cart - with good intent in mind, of course. The sad thing is that God tells me all through His word to let Him take the reigns. He begs us to not shoulder the load that is too difficult to navigate. This morning, He didn't just tell me - He took the reigns away from me.

During worship, I felt so free to worship. The freedom in unity is such a liberating thing - like opening the windows and bathing in the light of the morning. There were no boundaries, and the non-spoken communication between our team was excellent. I could have played for hours, and didn't want it to end! I have had little moments all day where I just sing a simple song in the still quiet of my soul. "I Need Thee" has been a stabilizing thought all day for me, and it is nice! There were times in the service where I felt so overwhelmed by the love of God that it made it hard to breathe. Our world is desperately in need of this kind of connection. Our church is in a great place right now spiritually, and I think the storms that have tried to make us take on water are about to subside. We are about to fully understand Mark chapter 4 - "Peace, be still."

Pastor delivered a sermon on relationship and connection this morning, and it re-enforced the thought of today quite well. I realize that I usually get the intent of connection all wrong. I try to make sure that all of the right hardware is present, the conditions need to be conducive to a good connection, and the situation has to be absolutely accepting of the connection for the process to even be considered. The problem with that is that my conditions are not realistic. They are thoughts and ideas that are placed into the situation to facilitate an easy connection. I see now that the stuff that I inject into the atmosphere is just a personal attempt to shield my fear of connection.

I have been fooled into believing that everything has to be perfect, and my battery has to be fully charged to have a good connection. Isn't it funny that I only really intently try to connect when I need better information, or my batteries are drained! I set myself up for a bad connection, so I shouldn't be surprised when things don't quite synchronize.

I think that God would tell me to just chill. I need to sit back and shut up so that I can see and hear what needs to be done. Most of the time, all that is required of me is to just relax and let God do His work. I don't need to offer suggestions or place requirements on my rescue. I just need to love God and let Him love me. I think I am better equipped to do that after today.

I feel like when God tells you something, you need to make it known so that you can be held accountable for it. With that in mind, I think something is in store for my path. I feel like the fog is rolling back, and there is a clearing up ahead. There are some very specific things that I won't go into detail about, but I do feel that God is finishing a picture for me. I released all the worry about finances, future, and all the other things that I have been carrying for far too long this morning. I spoke the audible words "I can't do it any more" during my prayer, and it felt very humbling. I feel ashamed for carrying things too long and letting it affect where I am in my spirit. I feel fooled by the junk that I have attached myself to, giving myself to trudging through the mud instead of riding in the cart.

For those of you that come across this blog, let me know if you have encountered a "fork in the road" recently. I will be glad to pray with you about decisions that are facing you, and welcome the connection that could be made. God bless you...

Welcome all polits!

2008-07-15T10:02:00.000-05:00

This concerns the Great East-Texas Balloon Race that is held every year in Longview. There is always a great turn out, but this year things were dampened by high winds. The event was cancelled, but the good times could still be found if you looked hard enough. This was the sign that was posted as we left the grounds. I have also included a possible introductory speach that could have been done, had the event actually happened this year.

"Welcome all polits, one and all! Even those polits that fly hot air balons and plaines! We even welcome all those polits that operate jet botes and fishin botes. Yes, Polits are our freends here at the East Texas Reegonal Ereport in Longvuw! We are glad that youn's have come out to support this here event, and hope that you find our akoma, akomada, akomudashuns good and plinty(round of applause for getting through that one!)

Shuld you need anything, please grab one of our event speculists and ring their bell. Them event speculists are them folks with the yellar vests on that say "STAFF" on 'em. I mean the vests say staff, not the people. Actually, the vests don't say nothing, they can't talk. What I mean is, the word "STAFF" is writ... I'm sorry, writ ain't a word...that's the problem when you read sumpin that some body else gives you... WROTE on the back of the vest. Have a good time here and thanks for comin!"

I thought the sign was funny, and I make light of the event only in humor. This event is great every year, and it was unfortunate that it could not take place this year. Everyone is always spectacular during this good time, and they always do a grand job. You need to catch it when it comes around next year, I know I will!

"Moments"

2008-07-15T09:01:00.000-05:00

There is a company that is advertising "moments" for their cell and broadband-internet access card business. I am not sure the company, because the commercials all start to sound the same after a few repetitions. I like the ones that spoof all of the other companies, making their "groundbreaking" ideas of cellular connectivity seem superior to anything that has been conjured to this point in our wireless revolution. The idea is a good one, and it's purpose is to prod the consumer to think of the "moments" that they have had over the course of their human experience. My brain is not a streamlined machine, so it takes a significant event(not just hints) to get me to ponder things. Usually the motivators are extreme, excruciating pain, absolute blatant hilarity, or sometimes anything shiny that sparkles when the sun hits it. Sometimes I get distracted easily, part of the "man" thing, I guess.

Yesterday, I mowed the grass in my backyard and had a real "moment." I must first explain that I use a utilitarian push mower instead of a luxury-model, agriculturally-significant, artistically-superior, mechanically advanced rideable-landscaping machine. I am too cheap to use anything else, and I use my "landscaping" time as exercise (because I am too lazy to actually exercise.)

At first, I passed the "moment" off as a result of the intense, focused heat of the Texas sun. It was so hot, that my brain was bumping overload status, and the humidity just saturated my circuitry. I had to focus on a mission - finish the yard in record time. I wanted to at least be finished with this grueling task prior to passing out and baking in the sun for hours before my family noticed my absence. Every step was tough, the incline was murder, and the grass was as thick as the wet hair of a sheep-dog. This was only the first pass, and it was going to kill me!!!

I neared the privacy fence of my neighbor, and stepped right in my "moment." The grass next to my fence is as thick as berber carpet. It was the most luxurious grass that I had ever walked on! As I continued mowing, I started to think. Why was this grass so thick? What has caused this grass in this portion of the yard to flourish so greatly? How could I stop this onslaught of heat and horrible agony? How much more of this could my out-of-shape mass take before I lay dead of a self-inflected total-body cramp?

I realized that I was panicking, so I began to think on the grass. I have not ever done more to my yard than mow grass occasionally. I never fertilize, water, or do anything to help sustain the ecosystem on my property. My neighbors; however, water and fertilize with reckless abandon. They tend the soil and maintain nice yards. It seems that I had inadvertently caught the benefit of their focused drive and dedication. I had done nothing, yet I had the same good results that they had worked so hard for.

In the spiritual sense, things work much the same way. I will try to relate what my moment taught me with three points.

The drive, dedication, and perseverance that my elders have invested pay off before my very eyes. The path that is already beaten down need not be cleared and forged on my part. I just have to learn to follow the trail that has been cultivated prior to my arrival. I don't have to work hard to carve my road out of overgrown, overwhelming circumstances, I just have to trim up the edges a little, so the the next person on this path can see the trail as well (legacy.)

The products of the seeds of faith that have been sown in my past are also starting to show fruit. The work of others shows fruit in my time, and the fruit is as healthy as they could have imagined. They were not able to see the results of their labor (like the grass on the other side of the privacy fence), but they knew that the labor needed to be done. Sometimes I have to work hard on things that I cannot be allowed to see the benefit on. This doesn't mean that I can work any less hard, or allow my focus to be a little blurred. I still must give all for the good of another.

The abundance of the end result many times over-runs the boundaries that we set forth for it. I must put all that I am into what I do for Christ, knowing that he will bless me for my dedication. I also have been made to realize that others will most-likely benefit as well. At first, the people that are being blessed may see the blessings as a curse. It is through this that God can minister to them as well.

Who knows, He may be able to speak through something as simple as mowing a yard or something. Crazier things have happened!

The Price of the Vision

2008-07-14T12:11:00.000-05:00

Extra long blog today. I have been listening to Jason Upton, and am feeling a little speechy.

Monday morning, and a good start to what I hope is a great week. The worship yesterday went well, despite my best efforts to cause a train-wreck in everything. Metronomes can be your worst enemy when you don't pay attention to the programs that you set up. We did some great tunes that I really enjoy, and everyone did well.

I saw someone in service that caused my heart to stop. My cousin, Eric was in service this morning. He is a great guy, and I have missed him for a long time. I know he is going through some junk, and I want the best for him. He is also a good drummer, and that is intimidating. My prayer was answered this morning when God showed up despite my failure. After the service, I received genuine compliments on the product of our worship. It feels good to know that someone else is blessed by the same thing that blesses me so wonderfully. I missed the extra rehearsal time this morning due to a schedule change, but change is the only thing that we can always count on - whether we enjoy it or not. 45 minutes of practice on Sunday morning feels like an extra worship service and an extra visit from God. I just can't get enough. to borrow a phrase from the Texas Rangers - I could really use some worship!

My church has the luxury of having a Pastor that loves his congregation dearly. He spends time before and after service greeting and shaking as many hands as possible every week, no matter what is going on. He shows the genuine compassion of Christ, and has taught that to his children. Mark Carter (oldest son of Pastor Carter) spoke at our service yesterday, and I was humbled by his message. He continued the series that Pastor is working on involving Legacy. My interest was peaked, because Legacy is usually spoken from a platform of a long life of inspiration and diligence. Mark's take on legacy was something of beauty. He spoke about the legacy of different people in the Bible and touched on a few icons of the faith. As always, he had a good humor that helped the audience to prepare for what he was going to touch on. One quote, and I will continue - "If I were to meet Adam, I would punch him right in the face - and his little wife Eve, too." Good things come from good speakers.

Mark spoke on the legacy of Thomas, the disciple. We all know Thomas as a doubter, and for years, that is what I have gleaned from my feeble interpretation of the scriptures involving him. I was under the impression that Thomas was not one to aspire to be similar to. After the sermon yesterday, I realize that I am more like Thomas than I would have cared to admit. Thomas was not the weak, fragile-minded individual that I thought he was. After a passionate explanation, I realize that Thomas was dedicated to a point of fault. He didn't doubt that Christ was alive, he missed Him so terribly that he didn't want to find out it was a hoax. As Mark explained, Thomas gave up everything for Christ. He left all he knew as familiar and comfortable, and invested the entirety of himself in the cause of this thing called Christianity. If all he had invested of himself died on the cross with Jesus, what could he look forward to?

I don't believe that Thomas was entirely wrong in this though. I just believe that his passion and longing over-shadowed his faith for a brief moment. When the disciples gathered in the upper room (John 20:26-29) after Jesus appeared to the first group, He appeared for a second time to his chosen few. His first words were "Peace be with you (John 20:26NLT)." the next words that Jesus said were to Thomas. He instructed Thomas to touch his wounds so that he would know that his Savior had risen. As soon as Thomas touched the wounds of Christ, he exclaimed "My Lord and my God! (John 20:28NLT)." Thomas had gone from a legacy of doubt and fear of solitude to a legacy of knowing God when he saw Him. His dedication accompanied his ministry until his death, and it never again faltered. What a fantastic Legacy to live! It doesn't matter what you start with, it matters how you finish.

I felt loved throughout the service, and the feeling overwhelmed me as we closed with worship. We played a new song yesterday ("You Are My Strength" - Hillsong), and I definitely did not have it together. God showed up and brought home the point that the music is not what He shows up for, it is our worship that beckons Christ. I didn't hear anything supernatural, or feel wind and see lightning flashes. I just felt extremely loved. I guess that the legacy of love is the greatest legacy that we can hope to leave in our wake.

I was reading my devotional Sunday night, and I came across a thought in the July 13th "My Utmost for His Highest." The title was "The Price of the Vision," and it spoke of the things that help or hurt our pursuit of the vision that Christ has for us. The ending thought was powerful - "Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision."

The vision that God placed in my heart is being perfected, and I need to just wait on Him to finish His work in me. With the latest message series, I am beginning to understand that the legacy of Christ needs to be first and foremost when one pursues the purpose that God has for them. I have to guard the legacy that is being left for my children, and only let those things that are good purposeful be fastened to that path. I am truly excited for what waits around the next bend. I don't know what it will be or what it will require, but I know that it will be from God.

Awesome

2008-07-07T08:16:00.000-05:00

Monday morning, and I can feel new things are on the horizon. Yesterday in our service, I felt the overwhelming peace of God. I have felt peaceful times before, but they were always seemingly peaceful when compared to turbulence. This day, I felt true, absolute, overwhelming peace. I was immersed in peace, and through that, I saw the power that peace holds. I know that power and peace don't usually go together, but when you experience it, you can't deny it.

I have always known peace as an understated thing. I see peacefulness as a body of water that is still and quiet. My dad has a pond on his place, and the slightest breeze brings about ripples and little movements. This kind of peace is void of any movement, and the slightest breath casts this peace aside. It is short-lived peace, and relies on the universe to be still so that it can maintain it's presence. It is a fragile kind of peace.

Peace in the world view is a time of non-war. There, peace is void of conflict but not void of tension and dread. Peace treaties are signed and violated at the whim of the people that are involved. This kind of peace holds you captive with fear of conflict at it's horizon. It is a peace that holds power, but the power comes from fear. It is an ominous peace.

Comforting peace was the first presentation on Sunday, and it was wonderful. Our worship team went through a few songs, and then dismissed to walk through the sanctuary and pray. Awesome! I felt that God was with me, despite my mistakes. I felt loved and appreciated. I knew that my mistakes don't have to influence my possible state in Christ. God sees me in the light of what I can be instead of what I have been. "Healer" was a song that we did yesterday, and it really emphasized what I was going though in my heart. I guess that depression worked it's way in quietly and set up camp without me knowing. Tim Gabbard's blog shows a video presentation of the song "Healer." Comforting peace is a healing peace.

The next phase of peace was powerful peace. This is a new feeling for me, and I don't understand it. I have never felt this kind of peace before, and it is very humbling for me. I feel impressed that God's peace is the kind of peace that nothing can stand against. It is the kind of peace that overtakes and dissolves anything that attempts to drag me down. God's peace doesn't gradually overtake things, it immediately removes them from existence. This peace is generated by God's love for his children. It is delivered out of a sense of protection and urgency. My doubts cannot approach it, and I cannot stand in it's way. Nothing can be done to stop this peace, and that makes it overwhelming, powerful, majestic, and authoritative.

Powerful peace is something that I will seek when I pray from this point forward. Marvelous things were done in my heart yesterday, and I want more of that. I have to understand that God wants to take care of me. He wants me to lay my head against His chest when my neck can't hold it up anymore. I hope that you can experience this powerful peace as well - it is life changing.

Shut Up and Be Driven

2008-06-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, we had a guest speaker at our church by the name of Gary Bell from Pine Bluff, Arkansas. He is an awesome speaker, and he will be doing our Campmeeting services tonight through Wednesday night. The service went well, and the songs that we were able to do were fitting for where our church is right now. I feel that our ministry is extremely relevant and on track because of the presence of God that has permeated our services. I feel so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit at times during our worship, and that is great. I can honestly say that the enjoyment that I get out of playing drums now is exponentially greater than anything I have felt in the past. I feel like I am fulfilling the purpose that I was created for and that fills a huge void that was present in my past.

Last year, my music pastor was doing a sectional worship workshop in Gladewater. He asked the crowd a question that made everyone think about their purpose in their worship ministry. His question was "How do you get and keep volunteers?" After everything was over, he spoke with my friend, Doug (previous sound booth man) and I. I didn't have a quality answer until now to his question. I think that the thing that draws volunteers and then retains them is the atmosphere that they get to volunteer in. As a musician in our music ministry, I feel an atmosphere of love and patience coupled with a desire to worship. That is what keeps me from wanting do do anything else. That is why I look forward to practice and worship. We fight the things that every worship ministry fights (new versus old music, volume, personal preferences, etc), but the measuring stick that gauges every concern is guidance of the Holy Spirit. We don't look to the environment that we live in, or the most popular sentiment. We don't submit to popular culture of the latest trend in worship. We instead trust our leader, and pray for God's guidance in our worship. I think that all of the men that I get the pleasure to play beside have the humility to know that our talents are nothing away from God. We also know that what we are participating in is so much bigger than the sum of our parts, and we cannot even fathom the fullness of God's purpose for our lives.

Gary Bell spoke about Moses and his call to free the Israelites from Egyptian oppression. He brought to light the character flaws that God addressed in Moses prior to the magnificent liberation of Israel. The concerns that Moses had were extremely important to him. Had he not trusted God to change him and used the faith that was ignited by the burning bush experience, who knows if he Moses would have been a part of the results. The message that was delivered seared my heart. I find a million reasons that I cannot do the things that God has called me to do. My inabilities and faults top the list of excuses that keep me tied to my present comfortable situation. Reason after reason pile up as I go through my life with a magnifying glass. With all comparisons, though, we have to look at both sides. My problems, and God's will. In looking at God's will, I can't get past the title of the column - "God's Will." The relationship that I have with God is something peculiar. He is the only one that will never fall short on His end of the relationship, no matter what I do or fail at doing.

What Pastor Bell spoke of was drive - the pushing factor that keeps us from giving up despite the situation. We are called to greatness for Christ, and were created for that ultimate purpose. In your life, pursue that thing that draws you. Get in the vehicle and let God do the driving. He won't miss an exit or take you somewhere you don't need to be.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

2008-06-03T13:12:00.000-05:00

Wow is West Virginia beautiful or what! I think that this is God's country. The area has been carved out of the hills here, and is extremely striking with chiseled, unpolished features. On the trip up, I was able to fly on a company plane, and it was nice with the exception of the last few minutes before arrival. Turbulence is not my friend.

I had a moment while flying that allowed me to start to look at the creative power of God in a different way. Looking up at clouds from the ground, you are fooled to believe that they are somehow attached to the blue background of the sky. When you are eye-to-eye with these billowing masses, you realize that they hang suspended in mid-air. It amazes me as to how these gigantic beings float. These masses of "nothing" sprawl like a carpet, letting nothing penetrate their protective cover. When you are approaching, it appears that the sky stops at the cloud bank, but only when you break through can you see the complexity of the atmosphere that they conceal.

As we flew over this part of West Virginia, we were able to see the flooding that had taken place over night. In an area that is ripe with trees and greenery, the creamy brown flood waters stood out against their backdrop. I saw that the water rushed and filled the low-lying areas, overpowering residents and structures in their path. From this point of view, I felt extremely insignificant in the big picture of things. God is mighty. His creations are purposeful and have meaning. Nature follows his lead, and anything standing in his way cannot stand very long.

After we broke through the cloud bank, we had a span of time to just observe the peaceful beauty of being isolated from the destruction on the ground. The clouds were our buffer. The light was brighter, the white was whiter, and the absence of color was outstanding. I guess that what this revealed to me, is that we can be lifted above the problems this life brings. We look at the horizon and see the limitations of what can be done. When we break through these limitations, we see the magnificence and provision that God is capable of. Our ceiling becomes our floor when God takes us into His safe place. Our world is changed in the blink of an eye, and we can no longer even see the troubles that haunted us. For those moments that God carries us on his shoulders, we experience true peace and trust. We look face-to-face at the majesty of our Heavenly Father. We now see that the reality that we looked at while in our situation was only a small portion of what was present. While we are enjoying the sanctuary from devastation, we don't realize that we are being taken out of the situation and are being delivered to a new place.

We began our descent, and came through the cloud bank. When we could see the ground again, we were much removed from the flood waters. The view was normal and beautiful again, like nothing had ever happened. We had been delivered to a new destination without having to trip through the troubles on the ground. I guess that this was one of the things that drove Noah when he took on the project of boat-building.

Morning Breeze

2008-05-22T09:17:00.000-05:00

On the way to work this morning, I was listening to Kari Jobe on my i-pod. The song she was doing was "The More I Seek You," and it was an awesome way to start my day. With so many things going on, and so many uncertainties in today, it was comforting to get alone with God in the middle of the world.

I had the chance yesterday evening to co-write 2 songs with a friend of mine, and what came of the session blessed me. When you do something with a purpose, you have to set a goal for the product. What I want to get out of my writing is not recognition, but a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father. I want to be able to lose myself in the words that I put on paper. My desire is to know that I have worshipped God as a result of what he burns in my heart, and know that he has heard my cry. I feel that when I am near God, nothing else matters. Nothing can dare to approach the feeling of absolute sanctuary from everything when I am able to be dissolved by His presence. It is odd, but I feel that I can only be found when I lose myself. The feeling of absolute dependence is a different thing, but I feel safe because I know who I depend on. The ultimate goal is to help someone else to have this same kind of encounter.

In writing, we wanted to do the first song in two stages. The first being the stage of new salvation - given hope. What I wanted to convey was the feeling that you have when you have searched and searched for something meaningful, but all you find is hurt and deceit. I know from my own experience that many things in life can make your "now situation" feel better, but the majority of these things do not have a lasting effect. My problem was that I gauged everything on past experience, and salvation through Christ was unlike anything I had ever seen. The thing that makes it different is that I found love. I don't mean some kind of cheap imitation of an emotional high, or some kind of act that leaves you feeling obligated to something you would rather not be around. I mean the kind of love that transcends any and all ideas of closeness and relationship. Once you have been shown this kind of love, everything else looks duller and seems muffled. It is like seeing a clear window when you have always looked through frosted glass.

The second stage was to be a relation of how we daily depend on God for our strength. I know that I could not possibly make it through my day if I were to be on my own power. There is nothing that I could practice or study that could adequately prepare me for a solo trip. Prior to experiencing Christ, I was a solo kind of person. I didn't need anyone's help or guidance - I had something to prove. Looking through frosted glass was good enough, only because I hadn't through a clear window yet. Once my eyes were opened, the frosted glass just didn't make any sense. Now, I have relinquished my quest to prove who I am in the grand scheme of things. Instead, I want to find out who I can be.

Living in God's will is a strange thing. It comes with a tremendous amount of surprises, mostly revolving around the unseen. I am not saying that I am the perfect example of Christianity - to follow my example would be terrible for all future Christians. I am saying that realizing that you are in the right place is a truly wonderful experience. The beauty part is that doing what you need to do usually doesn't make any sense to anyone but you. Money, success, and accomplishments simply cannot influence your decision. In fact, it works better when the chance you are offered brings less money, success is not guaranteed, and your accomplishments mean nothing. When you have perfect peace despite this kind of situation, you absolutely know what to do. My kids teach me that jumping is scary, unless you know who is holding your hand.

I hope you have enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

i-pod

2008-05-15T08:58:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, when I got home from work, my wife gave me an awesome gift. My new i-pod nano is "phenomenal" (to borrow a word from the honorable Tim Gabbard.) We had a few problems getting the music to load, but she stayed up all night re-loading my cd's while I slept. I am really blessed to have her in my life, and I don't know where I would be without her. She is a miracle that I get to re-live everyday.

Jonah 33 - "The Heart of War" is the new album that is ransacking my brain this morning. Man, I love this group! On their website, the speak of "stripping the religion" from the church. Powerful stuff! If you get to the bottom of the matter, we are at war constantly with the enemy, and this group gears you up big time.

Andy McKee - "Art of Motion" is a fantastic collection if you enjoy really good acoustic guitar. He is fantastic, and his playing is very fluid. He is a master of his instrument, and it shows through in the recording. Good "chill" music, and for when you want your mind to vacation peacefully.

In enjoying my new nano, I am really floored by my wife's devotion in staying up all night to copy music. She did this just so that I could get the most possible enjoyment out of the new toy that she gave me. It also makes my mind gravitate to a central question. What am I willing to do for the ones that I love. Will I do more for some than others?

My Family should certainly takes precedent over anyone else, but do they always? I let too many things get in the way of what is precious to me, and that is exactly what the enemy wants. It is never the big stuff because that is easy to recognize and defend against. The little things daily that seem to slip through the radar are what cause the most damage. Simple things like poor communication or forgotten events can absolutely wreck relationships. We trust those that we have relationships with, and expect them to not let us down. We also hold different things to be important, and with poor communication we can't identify and prioritize in order of significance.

If the enemy can drive a wedge in the family unit, he has essentially shaken our sanctuary. The home is supposed to be the safe-zone that we can retreat to for recharging. In that respect, the enemy sees the home as not a safe-zone that is off limits, but instead the main encampment for his target. In battle, the aggressor attacks the enemy encampment systematically. The first things to be taken out are the lifelines - the things that would be used to call for help. This alienates the victim and makes the victory all that much more possible. In my life, my lifeline is my family. If the enemy can drive a wedge between us, he can get me by myself so that he can attack me without my help coming to my rescue. In the same manner, he can get me away from my family so that I won't come to their rescue either.

Today, tell your family how much you love and appreciate them. We can turn the enemy on it's ear and start to systematically attack him from all sides. Hug your friends and tell them how much you appreciate them, and we can shake the enemy camp. Reach out to your enemies, and it will be the equivalent of an all out assault with dramatic results!

Be blessed and thankful for the blessing today.

New Things

2008-05-14T08:47:00.001-05:00

I started writing a book yesterday. Saying that sounds ridiculous to me, but Pastor Andrew (the youth pastor at my church) really challenged me a few weeks ago. His message spurred me on to awaken the seed of inspiration that was placed in my heart several months back. The reason that I never started was that I am too young. What do I know about life? What could I record on paper that would actually mean anything? I hear stories every day about prodigies that are still in their teens, and they compose music, graduate college, and even become world-renown doctors. I believe that the reason that I come across these stories is so that I will know that my only restriction is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of public opinion, fear of failure, and even fear of success. Oddly enough, I want my situation to change for the better, but I'm not willing to change anything to let it happen. I stand in the way of my future, and I don't want to be moved.

If you are hungry, you have to get up and eat. If you want knowledge, you have to gather it. If you want to find something, you have to look for it (not watch - there is a difference.) Simply wanting something is not enough to gain that desired item. In my life, I see countless examples of instantaneous achievement. Overnight sensations and pure dumb look are over publicized as the way to "make it." The question in my heart has changed from "How do I make it?" to "What do I want to make?" E-bay had a series of commercials that comes to mind. There were several different scenes where someone would unwrap a package, there would be a laughably large "it" in different colors that related back to the e-bay logo. This "it" is whatever you want, or whatever you need. It is whatever you are searching for, and I must decide what "it" is.

I read on my friends' blog "you can always test the water, but you can’t get used to it till you jump in." This is an awesome life nugget for me. It's not necessarily the jumping that scares me, but the landing. It scares me, because I don't know how or where I will land. I don't know if I will like the view there, or if everything that I see from here is an illusion or not. What I have to take comfort in, is that God made the landing for me. He is there, and won't let me fall and scrape anything that doesn't need to be scraped (sometimes things need to be scraped, so I have to be ready for that.) Jumping also jostles things and re-arranges them. If you don't believe that, get close to 30 years old and jump out of a truck bed like you did when you were a teenager. THINGS MOVE!

In conclusion, growth and change correlate. If you are not growing, you are dying, but everything is always changing. I am in a constant state of change, and that fact is accentuated by my three children. The difference now is that I am not willing to let the good changes go by any longer without grabbing them.

What!

2008-04-14T10:27:00.000-05:00

This weekend we went to Caldwell Zoo, and it was awesome. Meredith, the kids, and I got to spend some time with our friends, the Gabbards. A good time was had by all until we had to leave the zoo. 5 hours just wasn't enough animal time for the kids, but they were out by the time we pulled out of the parking spot. The best animal of the day: the Rhino in the rhino house. He kept staring me down to the point that I started to actually fear for my safety (even though he was behind an ultra strong fence). I thought about what it would feel like if I lived in their habitat in the wild. What would you do if a rhino found you in the middle of nowhere with no one to hear you scream?

So this morning I am going to work, and I notice a hard-wired individual texting while driving at the speed of light. He didn't look up for several minutes despite his weaving in and out of traffic. I couldn't believe what I was seeing (I know what you're thinking - Was it safe for me to be staring at the guy and not paying attention to the road?) It was at that point that I started to ponder my state of "connectivity" to the mainframe. As a society, do we need to be connected at all times? What is the consequence of not having a moment for the "screen saver" to kick in? Can we afford to endure a moment that our cell or blackberry or PDA or some other mobile device(s) could be turned off long enough for dinner?

I am not an advocate for a retreat to the dark ages of no power and no advancement, but there has to be a happy medium. A state of constant connection should be the result of conversation with our family and friends - real life interactions. I think that we lose the intimate connection of relationship if we only converse over text messages and e-mails. We are human beings, and our connections should be to other human beings - not databases.

We were created to interact with the one responsible for creating us. Whatever your belief, my stance is that the creator desires a daily relationship with his creation. I desire that communication with my children, just as my father (and Heavenly Father) desires that from me. I know that the most precious times of my life have been the result of intimate communication with the ones that love me the most. Whether it be in church or the back yard, life is just better when you can tell someone else about it (without typing with your thumbs!)