Have you ever failed someone miserably? I don't mean that you let them down, or didn't live up to expectations. I mean have you ever been the person that someone absolutely counted on, and let that person down when it absolutely mattered? Better yet, did your failure impact more than the one person that counted on you? Have you ever dropped the ball and let down hundreds, thousands, maybe more? Maybe you haven't crushed the hopes and dreams of thousands upon thousands. Maybe you just impacted a couple of lives making healing difficult, creating a need for an extraordinary effort by someone else start the mending process. The intent of today's blog is to ask you what you do to bring comfort to someone that has crushed or has been crushed. Connection - to make it super simple. The importance of having it, and the impact of destroying it.

I watched a video on Timbo Slice's blog (sorry Tim, but that is your new nickname) today about Michael Guglielmucci - the dude that wrote the song "Healer." If you aren't familiar with the story, watch the video here to get acclimated. He asked forgiveness for his total fabrication of the last two years of his life. I was at first angry with what this guy was spewing, even though I had already "forgiven" him a few weeks ago. I thought that he offered the story of the addiction to porn to make himself the victim in the situation. The first take on the newest video was to be furious with him. How many views of Christianity did he screw up? How many would need some serious time before they could trust "those lying Christians" again? Man, what damage we do to each other, right?

It was then that I was told something by a friend that left me void of speech. I seriously opened my mouth expecting words to come tripping out over my tongue, but nothing showed up. For those that know me, this is an unusual occurrence. The person that delivered the news didn't hurt me, but it would have been easier if they would have. I could have offered a clumsy "I'm sorry" followed by a half-hearted hug. One of the people that I had hurt was half way across the country, and the pain had been marinating for a couple of days then. The other was half way across town, but the distance seemed too daunting to cover. I was told a story of how two lives that had been very close to me had split into. I don't know what was worse, wondering if a misplaced conversation had hurried the split, or wishing that I could have been there to comfort and possibly heal the split before it started.

Society has created a lifestyle of isolationism by the increasingly terrible ways that we fail each other. It is a learned behavior, and one that is extremely difficult to overcome. We are taught that we can do anything that we put our minds to, and that lesson is for the most part good. The problem is that we promote the idea of rising above our situations with every possible opportunity. Wait a minute, did he just say that? I know what may be thinking, and just hang with me. Hear me out before you click to the next page.

"Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" is a good thing (thanks for the quote, Pastor Carter.) Making the best out of a bad situation is what makes the best feel-good movie script. What I am talking about is simple. Try not to leave everyone behind in a state of absolute desperation when you pull up those bootstraps and start to walk out. People are depending on you, whether you or they know it or not. To prove this point, pick up the tab for a complete stranger on your way out of a restaurant this weekend. To make it even more poignant, buy dinner for a family of five with three screaming kids and two stressed out parents. To identify this situation, look for food thrown about in a chaotic manner and the absence of any other patrons or waitstaff. They usually sit next to the kitchen to mask the noise generated. I know this because I am usually the dad sitting there, rubbing his eyes and repeating: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." Most of the time, we are quick with phrases like "If you couldn't control kids, why did you go and have three?" Another personal favorite is "You should be ashamed by what you have done to everyone else in this restaurant." We don't have the guts to come out and say these things, but come on and admit it - some derivation of these phrases has probably crossed your mind. They usually run through after a day that has tested your patience to the limits of your sanity. A quick but effective stare with purpose drives home the point. The person on the receiving end of that eyeball missile probably had a day that was just as tough as yours. Keep in mind that your kids (if you have any) probably behaved like little saints, so cut the other guy some slack, will ya?

Sorry to go off on a rant there, sometimes it just feels better to get it all out! Seriously, look around you sometime during your day, or on your weekend. Get away from family and friends, and look at how people react to each other. Some people make each other feel better, and some people make you a fan of being stranded on a desert island. Consider smiling when you walk by someone, or opening the door for a person that has their arms full. You would be amazed at the way a good word improves someones day. The great thing is that words are free! The only investment that is made is the thought before the word is delivered. Act with purpose when you connect with someone, and I am sure that you will see a positive impact. Remember that sometimes the only connection that is needed is that of a glancing blow. Most of the time, this little bump helps to keep the person from careening off of Sanity Boulevard while life sling-shots them forward at breakneck speed. In contrast, think about the damage that a verbal pothole can do to someone that is just at the point of being out of control. Your thoughts give birth to words. Pre-natal care should be used to grow them into something healthy.

Now for the heart-breaking matter of today's post. When you fail the VIP's in your life, how do you recover and reconcile? Is it better to let the pain scab over before you attempt to offer CPR to the relationship? I hope that you are not looking for an answer full of insight because I need an answer to this myself. I have failed many people in my short life span, and I am sick of myself for it. I look at myself in the mirror, and it is hard to stare back at the face full of stupid mistakes sometimes. I know that God is out there, but it feels like He is really out there and out of reach at times. According to many, I have the freedom of choice when it comes to spiritual decisions. Why can't I choose to not make a mess of things? The only good that has come out of this inward-looking evaluation is that the mistakes that I have made with my wife and kids have started to pay off by teaching me some good lessons. I still have a good bit to learn, but progress is progress, right?

To those people that I have failed, let me say this: don't let my failure ruin your view of friendship and connection. We are all vital to each other, and I know this more now than ever. I will not make some crummy excuse that explains away the hurt that you feel, because that would show you that friendship is cheap. Instead, I will admit that I failed you miserably, and I am sorry. If I could cry tears of blood and write a novel with them, I would do so. Please don't see my character flaws as things that are inherent in society. Instead, see that I am just a person that needs to be saved from himself - daily. We all need each other, but the pain of failure comes with that sometimes. We just need the happiness to overshadow those feelings of hurt and pain. I hope that I can offer more joy so that the memories of my failure can be distant. I will not promise to do so, because that promise would be a lie. Instead, I can tell you that my heart should do the talking, because my mouth is absolutely clueless.

Friendship with me will be a job, and I apologize for that. Just know that I don't always fail the people that I care about. However, I wouldn't trust me to hold a bungee chord for you until we prayed the prayer of salvation first. I know He won't drop you.

Please leave your comments, I need some insight from someone.