Last night, my very good friend and music minister, Tim Gabbard, said something that is really affecting me. At first listen, I thought that it was a good point, but I am only now starting to really digest it. He hit me with "Call it what it is."

We started a 3 week devotion series on "The Heart" (see Tim's blog here) and I am really looking forward to seeing it through. With everything like this that you participate in, the presenter usually gives you their purpose behind it. Tim did that well, but I am choosing to take it a step further. I intend to do some thorough cleaning in the area of my heart. Call it a resolution, or a list of resolutions if you want, but this isn't just a thought that will die in a few weeks. This is a dedication to finding my purpose for being on this planet. I am going to find God's purpose for my life this year, and the first step is to do some spring cleaning in my heart.

The devotion is written so that the reader can find ways to help identify problems in their heart. These problems keep the reader from fully realizing the power and product of the Holy Spirit in their life. It is an interesting study, and it is well written. The scripture selections are great, and Tim did a bang up job putting it together.

"Call it what it is" has put some things in the light of day, and they aren't pretty. I tried to justify my greed for money by calling it "providing a great life for my family." I labeled pride "holding myself accountable for my own success." Envy was called by the moniker "wanting the best for me and my family." I could list others, but I prefer to do my own dirty laundry. I am discovering that I try to justify most of the really terrible sins that I have tied myself to by claiming that it is doing something for my family. I have been lying to myself, and that is stupid. If I can't tell myself the truth, what business do I have trying to tell anyone anything? I am probably scared to tell myself the truth, because it would end up making me do some things that are uncomfortable.

I haven't read a book for enjoyment in probably 15 years. I realized that all I do in the evenings is sit and stare at the TV until I can't hold my eyes open. At first, I justified it by watching sports, then it was family-friendly dramas. Now, I sit disgusted with myself with what I have been pouring into my spirit. I don't watch any terrible TV shows that would affect my kids, and I don't watch anything that promotes sexual agendas. I just watch stuff - TLC, Discovery, Science Channel, and some local stuff. I also spend hours on the internet, checking news and sports stats. The problem is that all that "stuff" is just filler - junk food for my soul. It has made my spirit unhealthy, and it has drowned out the Holy Spirit in my life. I force so many things into my spiritual stomach that it becomes bloated and out of proportion to what my life should be. I have become a spiritual glutton - and not in a good way.

This new year, I have started to change that. I am reading 2 books right now, and this devotional will make the 3rd text that will be feeding my spirit. "Purpose Driven Life," and "Covenant Marriage" are the other two books that I am reading. I picked these two because they are the two areas in my life that I want to see the greatest improvement in. They also intertwine well. I cannot hope to be the husband that I need to be if I don't know what my purpose is. I spend my time reading these books instead of watching TV, and it is starting to make a difference. I will do this for the next few months, but I won't cut out TV completely. I think that balance is the key to living the life that I am supposed to live.

I just need to learn balance by standing on the balance beam instead of by juggling chainsaws.