Yesterday, we went to the pawn shop to reclaim the wedding bands that I gave my wife on our wedding day. The center band with the stone was gone, but the two plain gold bands that were custom-fit to it were what we found. I had to buy back something that was stolen from me - is that entirely fair?

The tandem that broke into my home has been identified, and they are in jail right now. We have been informed that we probably shouldn't look for several of the articles that were taken, and I have been angry about that. Thinking about the season of Christmas has changed my heart and softened my anger towards them. The poignant purpose for my change in heart is that the pair is a father-son duo. I look at my sons, and I am grateful that our relationship will not travel the same path that converged with ours on October 26th at 9 p.m. I am saddened that a father and son relationship is developed by breaking into homes and stealing from innocent people.

Is there joy when that father looks into the eyes of his son? Does the heart of that dad swell with love when he sees his son walk into the room? What holds their relationship together in the midst of the chaos that their relationship is forged in? Who will show them peace?

Peace

I have peace because I know Jesus. He makes me uncomfortable at times, but that is when I am learning something extremely valuable. I have to see those times through the same eyes of love that Christ sees me through. I have to trust in Him, even though I cannot touch His skin or hear His footsteps. If I didn't have this peace, every step and every thought would be infinitely more difficult. My daily activities would be labored over with intense struggle, and any little bump in the road would seek to overturn my wagon. Having Christ in my heart does not give me a free pass through life - it give me a promise of eternal bliss. When I need that peace to overwhelm the events that try to overwhelm me, I think about my salvation.

Comfort

Comfort is a relative term. Sciatica and disc problems have placed me in a torture chamber since Thanksgiving day. Despite the long sequences of intense pain, I can find positions where I am comfortable. Once I find these positions, I cease all movement and thought. The problem with this is that I will have to move again at some point in time. I will have to get up from the bed and start my day. I will have to move to keep living, and the pain will smack me in the face again. This makes me realize that what I am experiencing is comfort, and not peace. I enjoy comfort, but I ravenously crave peace.

Comfort pauses those things that peace resolves. Where do you find your peace?

So, I broke the cardinal rule of blogging - I failed to follow through with 10 consecutive days of blogposts after I said that I would provide just that. I apologize.

To tell the truth, it has been tough to find things to be thankful about. Saying that makes me feel terrible. I look around and see people that are much worse off than I am, and it's hard to see me through their situation. I have learned through this that God is still working on me, and He is far from done - I am thankful for that.

My post today is about hope. Hope is particular to the person that holds it, and it is something that can't be taken. You may give up on it or allow it to be given away, but it can't be taken from you. Hope requires an object. That object could be a situation, thing, accomplishment, or person. It could also be a combination of all of these things. The dangerous thing about hope is that you will be betrayed by it if your object of hope cannot be trusted absolutely. Thinking about this makes me glad that my hope is in Christ.

Many different things try to gain your trust. The most recent example that comes to mind are the elections. Politicians push and drive for months on end to show their best face, and speak their best speeches. They hope to gain support and devotion from their "fellow men." The goal behind a political campaign is to establish one's popularity with their target group. In the case of the Presidential campaign, Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain wanted to make their plight hit home with the average American. The end goal was for me to see my future through their well-constructed telescope. I was to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and find hope through their promises of a brighter tomorrow. The sad fact is that neither of these men could possibly deliver all that was touted. I believe that Mr. Obama will do a fantastic job because of the people that will be behind him, not because of the promises that he made. For the record, I would have felt the same way about Mr. McCain.

Opponents of hope would have us to believe that hope is futile. They would like for us to abandon hope, and cling to things that could make us focus on the situation at hand. Recently, evil broke into my world. It tried to force me to abandon a little piece of hope, and cling to anger instead. Sickness attempted to loosen my grip on hope and direct me to take hold of bitterness. Fear manifests as financial instability and tries to pull me from hope and drag me away to despair.

If my hope were in things that I see with my carnal eyes, then this task would be easy. It would be a cake walk, to be honest. I will not lie - for moments over the last 7 months, my focus has sometimes drifted from my hope. In these times, I have to remember my hope. I have to seek out my hope and turn my eyes towards it. The neat thing about my source of hope is that He seeks me out in these times. Jesus makes it easy for me to place my hope in Him. He is perfect in all situations, and He never falls short of my expectations. I find hope in a song on the radio, or a passage in a book. I can see it on the faces of the volunteers that stand in the entrance at Wal-Mart, ringing the bell for the Salvation Army. It's on the faces of the people in my church that are facing terrible situations.

I can see the absence of hope on faces that I pass in the stores. This void hangs on the shoulders of people as they search for something to fill the empty hole in their soul. They will try to shove money or situation or accomplishments into this hole, but it will not be filled by those things. Shoving things in will only increase the size of the hole, and that will lead to desperation. I see this load of despair on others as they struggle to just survive during this time of perpetual joy. As they hear merry tunes that jump from the supermarket speakers, their souls will be all the more hollow and hurting. Their situation has gotten so massive that it blocks their view toward anything that could bring hope.

These groups of people will flock to our churches this Christmas season, and we should prepare for their arrival. We should allow God to soften our hearts so that we can be truly compassionate when they approach our doors. Tears will have to flow from our souls so that they see the love of Jesus through a total stranger. This is what true hope is about. True hope is the kind of hope that is always there, no matter the present state of our life. The only person that can provide true hope is Jesus. This true hope is what I am truly thankful for this season. It would be a shame for me to hold this hope in my heart and not tell others about it.

Will you share your hope?

I apologize for the late post. I travelled all day, and my battery was dead when I landed at home.

Day 2 - Giving thanks for my friends

Friendship is one of the areas of my life that has taught me volumes about myself and the world I live in. I have had friends that have come into my life just for a season, and those that I have the pleasure of walking my daily journey with. Friends have beckoned for me to raise the expectations that I have for myself. They have caused me to re-center when I veer too far to the left or the right. They spur me on when I lag, and tap the breaks for me when things start to hurtle out of control. Friends fill in the soundtrack of life, and they add color to complete the picture. They are the spice that adds flavor to the meal of life. Now that I've gone melodramatic, let me say this - I am truly thankful for my friends.

I am blessed to be able to experience true, pure friendship on a daily basis. My friends don't hit the road at the first sign of trouble. They instead stand by my side and help to pick me up when I fall. They rejoice with me when I am on the top of the mountain, and they keep vigil with me when darkness abounds. They offer words of encouragement, and words of criticism when I need them both. When they ask "How's it going?" they really mean it. They don't just wait for their turn to talk when we have conversation. My true friends offer sound advice, and not white noise.

My friends don't need to hear their name to know that our friendship is real, but I feel the need to address one particular group that is vital to the development of my spiritual life. The worship team that I am allowed to serve with is a constant blessing. They have become as close as family to me, and I miss them terribly when I don't get to be around them. I have had the pleasure of seeing the hand of God at work all around me while I have served with them. I enjoy learning from the wiser men of our group, and the advice that they offer is true and from the heart. They inspire me through tough times when I feel that I don't have a clue. We have a tremendous sense of unity that cannot be duplicated or purchased. These men are much more than fellow bandmembers, they are friends in the truest sense of the word.

A new arena of friendship has opened around me, and I enjoy it a great deal. My digital friends from the blogosphere have blessed my soul with words of support during recent tough times. Links that beckon others to pray for me and my family when we desperately need it are like an extra lifeline thrown into the tide. I find myself looking forward to checking the "tweets" each morning, and I enjoy their awesome posts. I only wish that one day, we could all get together and exchange pleasantries face to face. In lieu of that, I will check for updates and look at the twitpics when they are posted.

@mytwitterfriendsfromallcornersoftheearth Thanks and blessings to you and yours!

Thank you, friends - I count you all as blessings from my Savior.

So for those of you that stumble upon this blog, I have an idea for you - 10 days of thanks.

Thanksgiving is a week and a half away, and I choose to start giving thanks today. On your blogs, or to your family, or at your job, or to total strangers, start giving thanks today. Tell people how thankful you are that you know them. Tell your family how thankful you are to to be associated with them. Pick up your kids and whisper your praise in their ears. If you can't touch those that you are thankful for, send them a hand-written letter that paints a picture of your thanks. Give thanks to those around you. 10 days of thanks, culminating in a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. Don't let Thanksgiving be just a transition day that fires the start gun of the Christmas shopping season.

I will post each day something that I am thankful for. I will make notes throughout the next 10 days that I intend to present to my family at our Thanksgiving table. I challenge you to start this year making Thanksgiving a true time of giving thanks.

My first post of thanks: My Family.

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father. He never lets me stay down when I fall. I am thankful that He lets me fall, because I can then be compassionate for others when they do the same thing. I love my wife dearly. She is responsible for the joy in my life, and life would not be worth it without her. My kids are great kids. They allow me to have fun, and they teach me how to be a parent. They are both my sanity and my insanity, and I would not trade the wild ride of fatherhood for anything in the world.

My mom and dad are fountains of inspiration. They teach me how to be a good parent, and they kept me tethered to God through prayers when I tried to run. Without them, I wouldn't know how to be a husband, father, and man of God. I love my sister and brother-in-law. They show me the meaning of "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I have aunts, uncles, cousins, and nieces spread from sea to shining sea (literally.) I have family in the frozen tundra of Alaska, the lush garden of Seattle (even though the lush green comes from depressing rain), the frying pan of Texas, the hills of Tennessee, the valleys of Mississippi, and the crawfish pot of Louisiana. My heart is full of thanks for all of my kinfolk. I won't thank each one individually, because it would make for a very lengthy post. I do have to mention one specifically corny thing that my Aunt Latrice will appreciate (because we are both corny.) I think of the Hay family every time I open my freezer. They live in Alaska, and the freezer reminds me of the frozen tundra.

I am thankful for my church family. Through times where you get punched in the mouth by situations, they wrap their arms around you and make you feel like a million dollars. God shows me how to love without bounds through my church family.

I am a dearly blessed man because of all of these. Thank you, Lord - help me to see these things that I am thankful for each day.

That is my first post of thanks. Tomorrow - Friends.

Your turn.

I have been struggling with something over the last few weeks that has my mind in a quandary. I was approached with what seems to be an awesome opportunity, but it will take me out of an already awesome situation that I really enjoy being in. To be honest, I am comfortable. I don't feel the need to go anywhere because of where I'm at.

When I pray about the situations, I don't feel any kind of resolution. I just feel the need to really seek and understand God's will. Should I feel that I am entitled to resolution so that I know without a doubt what God is calling me to?

In trying to understand things, I read Jonah this morning. At first glance, I didn't understand his desire to see the city of Nineveh destroyed. After thinking about it for a bit, I guess that he was looking for vindication.

He had been instructed to go and preach to them, and he was punished severely when he didn't do what he was told to. That city was in a similar state of rebellion, and I guess his emotions clouded the situation. You would think that deliverance from sitting in the belly of a fish for 3days would have put things in a different light. I would have thought that he would be so strengthened by the miracle that he had just lived through that he would want to tell the world about the goodness of God. I guess that it was hard to look through his ordeal and see the hand of God.

He didn't see that God was the one that delivered him, just as He delivered Nineveh. What a pity for what could have been a tremendous experience for Jonah. Instead of finding joy in seeing an entire city spared from the penance of sin, he saw frustration that they didn't get what he thought they "deserved." Many ministers would jump at the chance to see the reaction that Jonah saw in Nineveh. It would re-energize most and spur them on for greater things for God's Kingdom. Jonah lost sight of all of that because of the mis-understanding that he had with God's will, and his own emotionally troubled state.

I gather from this that God will work through us, even though we don't understand or agree with what we are doing. My finite understanding of love and compassion doesn't diminish God's capacity for showing those same characteristics to the people that He wants me to touch. If that is confusing, I apologize. Think of it this way - a water glass can be used to give water to someone in the same way that a soup bowl can. Each vessel can hold the water, even if the soup bowl is usually used to hold soup. The difference in how they are used comes in with the intention of the user, not the vessel.

I guess that I need to take the opportunity to learn from different situations. I don't want to miss out on something that God has for me because my present situation is too comfortable. I need to remember that it is His will for My life.

I feel strongly about what is written below. I think someone that needs this prayer will come across this one day, so I will not refrain from relaying what is on my heart. I just came through what seemed like the belly of a fish for not doing what God wanted me to. I don't intend to spend the next section of my life repeating those same mistakes. If this causes offense, please forgive me.

Dear Lord, please take away this tunnel vision that I have given myself to. Continue to take away the blinders that I have put on in an effort to make myself comfortable. You have turned the heat up on this cauldron, and stirred the water of my life. I realize now that You don't want me to be stagnant and full of disease. I now know that prolonged seasons of calm water can stifle Your move in my life. I enjoy the scent of Your presence, and I remember the feeling that I had before I could feel the warmth of Your arms wrapped around me. I am beginning to remember the longing desire that was cultivated in the cold, damp grip of desperation. Your salvation satisfied that hunger in me so many years ago, but I have since forgotten that hunger pain. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me and bringing me out my state of utopia. I over-indulged in Your presence to the point that I neglected the draw to bring others to Your table. Please forgive me for that, Father. Lead me and any others that find themselves in the same situation. Let us all remember the feeling that we had before we knew you. Bring us to tears as we think of the masses that have yet to smell the intoxicating aroma of your sweet breath. Strengthen us so that we can endure the journey ahead, and provide for us when situations get us down. Jesus, be the lifter of our heads. In Your name, Amen.

Thanks to Tim Gabbard for providing the video. I am the big mug cooking the hotdogs with the broke down "tropical" hat.

Today was a good day.

I have to say that I have tried with all that is in me to give into an attitude of defeat. I have enough reasons around me to feel that way, if I look hard enough. I can go to any store or street corner to see examples of why life just isn't good, and fair treatment is never a possibility. The thing is, I choose to see what I want to see.

Choice can either liberate or confine.

Choice has power - and that power is awesome.

Choice is what I have control over.

We had an outreach Friday night for our city. I did not want to participate, and I tried to work up the courage to tell the man responsible for the event that I had valid reasons for not helping. My house was broken into, my kids were sick, and my car broke down on Thursday. I know that he would have understood, because he is a great friend.

I decided to not attach myself to negativity - just for that night. I decided to cook hot-dogs for kids that would eat them. I decided to try and forget about the week that was and focus on the night that could be.

Choice is a powerful thing.

Nearly 250 kids showed up at one house. We had three houses that were hosting kids on Halloween. 250 + at one house = victory.

I did not have any wonderful realization of anything supernatural that night. I was tired, and my feet hurt afterwards. I could have played the "I told you so" game with myself.

I didn't.

I was tired - from the inside out. My soul ached. I felt like I had gone through a title fight with a heavy-weight boxer. The week had taken a toll on me, and I felt weak. I had shed tears, piled on worry, and lived in fear of what was to come next. Waking up this morning, I needed a fresh breath from God. No other fresh breath would work, and no coffee from Starbucks would spur me on. I needed God - plain and simple.

Service was amazing.

Worship was pure and intimate.

I felt Holy Ground.

God's arrival was not because of what I brought to the table. He showed up because He knew that I needed Him. I felt like a physical weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and I could smell the presence of my Jesus. My heart leaped from my chest, and I looked with the expectancy of a child as I scanned the room for Him. Jesus wrapped his arms around me in the middle of my pain, despite my weak spirit. It is such a tremendous feeling when we do what we were created to do. It finishes our puzzle when we give in to the embrace of our salvation.

My worries were washed away with sobbing tears.

We see what we want to see. I will see the things around me, but I can choose what light that I want them to be seen in. I want to see Jesus - all the time. I look for him, and he will not hide from me. When I call His name, He will not ignore me.

Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes. Thank you for the stuff that steamrolled me last week. I would not know You as well as I do now if it were not for that. I would not know the fullness of joy that could be felt when You enter into a situation and turn the lights on. I have seen You chase away darkness, and I will try to do a better job of telling others about what You can do. Please help me to know what to do and when to do it. I sometimes feel like a blind man feeling around in a dark closet for a light switch that I can't find. I too often focus on the negative and hopeless aspects of the lessons that You teach me. I should be spending time searching for the opportunities for You to show Yourself to me in greater ways. Thank you, Jesus, for being You.

The right choice makes good things feel even better.

The wrong choice makes you find the right choice.

The power of choice is tremendous when it is allowed to manifest fully.

I need to say thank you to those that are praying for me and my family. On Monday, a person that I have never met face-to-face sent very inspiring words of support. She prayed for a family that she had never met, and reached out to her friends on behalf of that same family. While the distance of a country separates us, the love of Christ unites us. We intend to visit New York one day, and we will visit Sara when we are there. I will take her cookies and a hug as a reward for helping a total stranger. Thank you, Sara - I ask that God will reward you for your servant's heart.

I went to my church on Monday to get a ladder to repair a security light that I should have fixed some months ago. It did not occur to me that they would probably be in a staff meeting, but I am very glad they were. My awesome friend Tim was leading the meeting. I was going to try to find someone else to help me instead of interrupting, but Tim came out to see what I needed. When I told him about everything, he asked if they could pray for me. I can honestly say that I felt numb at this point. My body was going through the motions of life before I walked into that room. My soul had been ransacked, and I could not feel the prayers that were going on for me and my family. I felt like I had been thrown to the ground, kicked, beaten, and bruised. They gathered in a circle and prayed for me, and the effect was entirely amazing. I struggled to hold back tears, and tried to give off the image of strength. My spirit lay in ruins, and my heart struggled to have enough strength to accept the love that was being sent my way. That prayer circle opened up the window to my soul, and started to let the breath of Christ clean up the mess. I loaded the ladder and left in tears. I broke down as I pulled out of the driveway, and sobbed as I drove home. My God has blessed me with such tremendous family in my church. My family and I are so very blessed. Thank you, LFA, for your heart. I pray that God blesses you with all that you hope for or desire.

Yesterday, my cousin called me as I left from work. I had a tremendous conversation with her on Sunday morning, and I am thankful that she lifted my spirits before I knew that I needed them to be lifted. We both dedicated ourselves to prayer for each other through the week. She called to strengthen me with her beautiful words of support. If you have never heard Jackie speak, you would not know what I mean by beautiful words. Her voice is soothing, and her presence is lovely. I am so very blessed to have her in my family. Dennis is her husband, and he is a rock of strength. He is the type of man that never shows fear or worry (at least to me.) Their kids (Josh and Emmaly - I hope I spelled it right) are close to my age, so I grew up watching Dennis and Jackie be new parents. I can remember that their household went through some terrible times, but they never appeared to be falling apart. They showed me strength, and that strength is what gets me through times like these. Their kids are amazing, and I need only to look at them to see examples of how Godly instruction manifests in Godly children. I love them, and they love me. To the Modisette family - may God give you his riches so that you always see His provision. May He bless you with the love that you bless others with.

Last night, Amy brought my family pizza for supper. She blessed us so much with her generosity, and I honestly do not have words that can express the gratitude that I would like to. The only words that I have are "Thank You." I realize that this is not an especially eloquent utterance, but realize that it comes from the deepest part of my soul. You and your family are a strong point for me and my family when the waves hit us. I believe that God placed you in Longview, and I thank him often for doing so. You and Tim helped to wipe the blood from our forehead, and clean the dirt from our wounds. I am so thankful that I have friends that are compassionate and dedicated. I do not deserve to have that, but I am glad that God gives me what I don't deserve. I pray that God will light your path, and make it holy. I pray this because your path often takes you to people that are hurting, and hurting people need a holy place. May God bless your hands to that you can feel him work through you. May God bless your eyes so that you can see the love of Christ play out in front of you. May He bless your mind so that you can fully comprehend His purpose for you. May you always be blessed.

To the strangers that came across this blog and said a quick prayer - Thank you. Know that I pray for you as you prayed for me. Know that where a few are gathered, they beckon the attention of God. May God bless you with the safety and security that you gave me.

I could go on and on with the list of those that prayed for me. My parents, my children, my co-workers - they all have blessed me with kind thoughts. My mom walked around the perimeter of my property on Sunday night. She prayed for me and my family, and she prayed over my property. She rebuked satan, and she prayed for restoration. Her words were such a blessing to me. I am amazed at how much she still teaches me when I am willing to listen. She didn't have such a great childhood, but she gave me the best that one could ask for. Her and my dad are what I hope I can be like one day. She came back on Monday, and annointed my home with her prayer once again. She reminds me of Peter and Paul in the bible. I wish that I could speak to satan the way that she does. She is the visual representation of strength and confidence. My dad called on Monday night to wish my wife a happy birthday. He is what love is. His heart is pure, and his dedication is absolute. He shows me what grace and mercy are all about. I love my parents. Mom and Dad - I don't have the words, but you know.

My wife has been the strong point through all of this, and we will get through it because of the power of "we." That "we" includes our union - My wife, My God, and me. I can no longer survive on my own, because God joined our spirits. She is the completion of my thoughts, the cultivator of my hopes, the caretaker of my dreams, and the celebratory shout in my life. She is also the crutch when I am broken, and the medicine when I am sick. She is my strength, and I will not go through things without her. God taught me love when He brought her to me.

We find little things each day that remind us of the intrusion into our lives, and every crack or creak in the night brings fear. Every time that I walk from my room to check on my kids, I feel that I am robbed again. My peace has been shattered, and it will take a while to pick up all of the pieces. Please continue to pray for me and my family as God heals and replaces what was taken. We are not able to stand on our own yet, but I simply could not let another day pass without thanking those that have thought of us. The word of God tells that we overcome by the grace and power of God, and by the word of our testimony.

My word of testimony is this: Thieves may take the material possessions that I have piled up, but they can never take the promise of salvation that I have in Jesus. Satan will fight me, and I will be tempted to give in. He does this because he knows that there will be a day when he cannot even lift his head from the earth. He will be pressed and suffocated by the presence of Almighty God, and God's presence will fill the void that he so desperately tried to create. Nothing on this earth happens without the expressed consent of God, and I do not need to understand the meaning behind what happens to me. I only need to understand that Jesus is my salvation. God is my heavenly father, and He will always be my champion. The Holy Spirit is my comfort, and in Him do I trust. Praise the name of Jesus! His name has the power to save and heal. He alone can restore what satan has taken, and his restoration is complete and absolute!

From the very bottom of the deepest part of my heart, Thank You.

To the coward that broke into my house and robbed me yesterday: You don't know me, and I don't know you. You should be thankful for that. Yesterday, my little girl was in the emergency room with an IV coming out of her dainty little perfect hand. She had fever over 105, and she was not doing well. After 5-1/2 hours of sitting in that little cramped room, we were able to come home and try to get ready for the new week. You were in such a hurry when you left that I was not able to fill you in on her progress. She is doing much better. My littlest boy is now sick, but we have meds that will help him.

I wish that I would have come in a few minutes earlier, because I would have been able to catch you in the act of violating me. FYI - you would have not been as happy about this. All in all, it is a good thing - both for me and for you. I know that what I would have done would have haunted me for the rest of my life. I hope that the cops were wrong. They said that you would probably come back to finish the job that you started. The most dangerous thing that you took with you is my anger. Please stay away and allow God to take that anger from you.

Know that I am praying for you - as hard as that is to admit. My hatred for you is only human, and God is stronger than that. For that, I am truly thankful. I know that the attacker that is behind what you did is satan. I know that you are only a pawn that was used against me. Satan is the true coward, and he will not succeed. God is much more powerful than anything that can come against me. I just want you to know that God can save you from yourself, just like He saved me.

It is unfortunate for us that you robbed us on the evening before my wife's 30th birthday. It was terrible to know that the very little bit of money that I could have spent on her would now have to be spent repairing the few things that you broke. It was spiritually devastating that we had to spend our day in the emergency room, and our night thinking about your intrusion into our life. You didn't know our circumstance, and you can't be held responsible for that.

You had no idea that we have had to spend money that we didn't have in the last few weeks to get our car repaired. You didn't see the anguish on my face as I took a job that forced me into a pay cut so that I could spend quality time with my family. The roar of silent pain that flooded my heart when my wife had to start working evenings to help pay the bills was not heard by you. You aren't in the grocery store to help us find comfort when the food prices go through the roof. You don't hear the turmoil in my soul when I try to find little glimpses of light despite the gloomy picture that seems so immense right now.

The beautiful thing is that I don't have to live in the "right now." I live in the hope of a brighter future. The things that you stole were priceless to me and my family. The jewelry and other items that you took from my wife will not ever be replaced because I cannot replace time and memories. What we have that you could not take is what holds our heads up now. Salvation through Jesus is a gift that knows no bounds. It guarantees that we will be provided for. It proves the test of time, and it lives in a place where moths and thieves cannot touch it. I hope that you experience this salvation soon. Life gets much too short in your profession.

To all that read this post: please pray for me and my family. We are being tempered in the furnace of fortitude, and we are at the melting point. Most people that I have spoken to say "well, at least you have your health." The truth is that our health is in question as well. I am fighting strep throat, my little girl was hooked to IV's for most of the day yesterday, my smallest is fighting strep right now, and my oldest will catch it before the week is done. I know that the darkest part of the night is right before the dawn, and that is the only thing that is keeping me from doing anything foolish. Please pray that the sunrise comes soon.

Below, you will find lyrics that I wrote today. I was able to spend the lunch hour outside, enjoying the awesomeness of Fall, and I felt these words in my heart. I made a major choice yesterday that finally brought me closer to where I feel that I need to be with God. I have felt like Jonah for the past 6 months, and I think that God is about ready to spit me out onto the beach. Let me know what you think of the lyrics. I will hopefully be able to get with my friend Tim and put some melody to this. When that is done, I will post for you to critique.

Your Light
Verse 1
Through the darkest night
In my hopeless place
The nectar of despair
Is my only saving grace

Chorus 1
Crying out, with my hands raised, I yearn for your embrace
I long for you to touch my heart, And take me out of this dreadful place

And into your light
Into your light
That’s where I need to be
Where I long to be

Verse 2
Father, please see me
In the light of your sweet mercy
Don’t see me as myself
Or through the mistakes I’ve made

Chorus 2
I’m not as much as I’ve claimed to be, but through your love I can be anything
All I want to be is yours, and this is why I sing

I wanna be your light
Consumed by your light
I’m giving myself to you
Don’t give me back until you’re through.

I'm sure that there will be a bridge of some sort, but I don't want to go building bridges to nowhere. let me know what you think.

So I was just watching a little TV this evening, and a commercial came on for a new movie that is supposed to be hitting the box offices sometime in the coming weeks. The title is "Zack and Miri Make A Porno." As I sit here, I start to wonder. I don't watch things that are rated R, and I am careful as to what my kids watch. I have the parental locks active on my TV, and I try to screen the different children's programs that they watch. I take an active role in telling my kids right from wrong, and I watch what I do and say to make sure that I don't inadvertently teach them something that they don't need to hear coming from daddy. I want to be the parent that answers questions with the truth. Seeing this commercial, I can only imagine the conversation that could come of it.

When I am watching sports, my kids ask things like "Why is the football not round, daddy? Why is the baseball white? Why does the man in the race car spin around when he wins, daddy? Is he mad at the other racers?" You get the point, right? I can only imagine the question "Daddy, whats a porno?" How would you answer that? I am offended at the proposal that I might have to answer it. I have seen the commercial a few times, but it just hit me tonight. Is this what I want my kids seeing? I remember a time where evening TV could be safe for families unless you were watching certain stations. The ABC's, NBC's, and CBS's were usually safe ground. After the commercial, I started really analyzing the sound coming from my set. I sat in horror as I realized the content that was puking itself from my satellite box. I realize and appreciate that the world will seek to influence my children - that fact is inevitable. I just had to come to the harsh reality that I did not fully know my adversary.

Be an advocate for your children - they need it.

Saturday, I helped out with the volunteers from my wife's co-workers from Target. We worked on a house for the Brown family in a part of town where luxurious living is some what of an enigma. I saw numerous homes that were built by Habitat for Humanity in the neighborhood, and I was touched tremendously.




























All in all, I had a great time. I left with sore hands, stiff muscles, sawdust in places that I won't describe here, and an overwhelmed heart. It amazes me how little that goodness is promoted. I saw a group of people - not contractors, electricians, carpenters, or amateur do-it-yourself-ers. Separately, we would not make much of an impact on people or culture. Binding ourselves together in a spirit of community and hope, we were able to bring a project closer to completion that will be a home for someone that desperately needs it. I learned that a building is a structure that is systematically planned and deliberately constructed so that it can secure something or someone. I learned that a house is a building that offers people a place to live. I learned that a Habitat Home is a house that is insulated with love, hope, and peace. It is built on a foundation of compassion and gratitude. The nails are driven with grace and joy, and the roof is comprised of faith.

I spoke with people that were normal volunteers for Habitat, and the stories that I heard have changed my life. All of the volunteers that were on this job were gracious. I didn't hear any mumbling or complaining until the time neared that we were to go home. People wanted to stay and do more, but the time to leave had come.

I arrived at the work site with an attitude of cynicism. I wondered just how much that this would actually do for these people. I saw homes all around that were littered with garbage and visual examples of criminal activity. To be honest, I didn't want to give my time and valuable effort to someone that would mis-use it. I saw a few people that I was sure were there because they had to be. I was certain that one had received a home himself, and the other was there on court-ordered community service. My heart was crushed when I learned that they were there to just give what they had. My "christian" attitude was checked when I was shown the way to a true servant's heart.

Their language was not clean, and they each had a sketchy history. I heard stories of divorce and the aftermath of hatred that was left. I heard of mistakes that had been made, and lessons that were learned. I sat back and listened, unable to say much because of the breaking of my heart. I judged these people and had convicted them of immorality before I had even heard their voices. I have a lot to learn about being a servant, and these people have shown me that.

I look forward to helping on these homes on my weekends. For those of you that want to help, visit the website for Habitat for Humanity. Get involved in your community, and remember that every project that you help with doesn't have to be directed by your local church. Through volunteering at a soup kitchen, a homeless mission, or Habitat for Humanity, you can bring your local church with you. More importantly, you can bring the Master Carpenter - Jesus.

I intend to be there when they say "Welcome home, Brown family. Welcome Home."

What inspires you?

I came to the realization last night that I have not tried to make connections outside of the 4 other people that live in my house. I feel like my purpose on this planet is to make connections, but that is an extremely terrifying thing. I feel that other people that are in my situation in life are in the same boat, but are too proud to admit it. We don't want anyone to see the weakness in our armor, because that makes us susceptible to the strength of another. Taking on the world by yourself seems to hold a certain mystique; a badge of honor. The sad thing about succeeding in this endeavor, however; is that you are alone when you reach the finality of your pinnacle. You won't have anyone to share your joyous shouts of achievement. Success then becomes something that is very hollow.

I am going to step out on a limb today. My wife and I were not able to host small groups in our church this session because of different life hurdles, but that doesn't prohibit us from being an active part of someones small group. I can find reasons all day that would gracefully exclude me from participating in a group, but none of them really hold water. This has prompted me to make a list of things that I wanted out of a small group.

Connection with people in my life situation.
Connection for my kids that is separate from the adults.
Friendship that lifts us up.
A safe haven that families can run to.

Lastly, I want to be in an atmosphere that invites others that aren't saved or "Churched." I think that this point is more significant than anyone knows or cares to admit. Too many times, I have seen people sickened by the way that they are treated by well-meaning church attendees. People get so wrapped up in their own ideas and thoughts of what "Church Membership" means that they miss out on the most important part of Jesus - Love. I want to have a group in my church that reaches out and calls for those that are down on their luck. I want to be able to show the glorious revelation of hope to those that don't even know that they need it. I want to go and find those that are too hurt to even search.

The story of the shepherd is a recurring strain throughout the bible. A shepherd's true worth is not shown by standing in the gate and calling for the lost sheep, it is shown when they go out and search for those that are stranded. That means climbing up hills, and crawling through valleys. That means that you look until your eyes are clouded, hear until your ears are suppressed, and feel until you are numb. This is heavy on my heart, and it tells me that I am not doing enough. I hold the answer to life in my heart, but am too comfortable to step out and share it with others. Maybe that is the reason that my waters have been troubled lately.

I would love nothing better than to be able to start a meeting somewhere in this city that does not involve the mention of church. I would love to have a place where people can go to have wholesome conversation about real life. I think that this would be the ultimate outreach tool, but where does it start? What is that first step that must be made so that there can be a second step? I would love to be able to leave my working career and focus on this kind of ministry, but where do I find the guts to do that?

I am going to pray for this specifically, and I ask that you do the same. Please pray for my city. We are in a fight for our eternity, and far too many have lost that battle. Please pray that God will have his way. I don't think that He has placed these feelings in my heart for them to stagnate. My mind is a whirlwind right now, and doubts are circling around me. All that I have to cling to is the wonderful realization that Jesus rose from the grave that He went to for me and my city. This alone gives me confidence that He can do anything. God created the heavens, the earth, and all that is in them. He must allow things to happen before they can take place!

Let me know your thoughts...

So, I am writing. I have finished an introduction, and am started on the first chapter. Here is a little window into my strange mind. Hope you enjoy!

I have to level with you – I didn’t realize that 30 was upon me. I always thought of 30 as an abstract painting on a wall at the end of very long and dimly lit hallway. I couldn’t see it, and it didn’t bother me. The problem: I’ve spent my 30 talking and worrying about everything else that has gone on around me. I have hurt and been hurt by those close to and far from me. I have had the privilege of playing in the rain with no fear of my appearance. I have enjoyed nights of nothing but listening to the rain on the rooftop. I have slumbered under the canopy of the trees with the stars above as my night light. I have seen things that no one should see, and realized just how great I have it. Life has shown me a few of her mysteries, and I have been both scared silly and silly with excitement simultaneously. Friends have come into my life, and then disappeared without warning. Laughter has poured from my heart until it produced tears from my eyes and milk from my nose. Love found me and blessed me with a marriage and 3 wonderful children. The family blessed me with a mortgage and the pressure cooker of a budget. When you cook things in a pressure cooker, it forces them to cook much faster. It also tenderizes – just so you know. Looking back, I guess that I can't call all of these things problems at all. They are just experiences - some good and some bad. Experience is what colors the canvas of life, and no color would be a terribly drab picture.

There is definitely something cooking...I can smell it. What does it smell like to you?

First, let me say a few things about last Sunday. Our church had it's annual picnic, and it was outstanding! I will try to get my hands on some pictures to show you how it went. My dad and I cooked 14 briskets, 35 pounds of sausage, a big turkey breast, and a pit ham. We started cooking last Wednesday and finished with everything in the smoker Sunday morning. Estimates are that 350-400 were fed, and I would say that number is a bit conservative. I was enthralled by the fellowship and community that we were able to engage in. It was a spectacular event that will linger in my mind for some time.

Now for this week...

Do you ever feel that God is forcing you into growing your faith? My wife, kids, and I are having to wade through some junk right now, and it isn't fun. Whenever I start to think about problems with finances or other trivial drivel, I feel convicted. I think often of the stories that I have read of how God intervened at the last moment in some very critical situations. Usually, He had to act because no one else would have been capable of offering conclusion to the matter at hand. I am strengthened because I know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I have hope because of the things that He has done in my past.

I am glad to be in this situation because I often forget that. I pray for the joy that the man in Acts 3:8 felt. I yearn for the power that Moses felt when he left Egypt with God's people in tow. I desperately want to know the peace that Horatio Spafford felt when he wrote his awesome song.

I only have to look, and it is all around me. I only have to offer, and my fear will be taken. I only have to trust, and all will be resolved. I am a child of Almighty God, man! My life was bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus, and He sent his Holy Spirit to comfort me because my eyes couldn't see Him. God placed me in the palm of his hand, and that is what strengthens my neck so that I can hold my head up. I will shout with joy when my head is raised, and not waste time by bowing it to ponder worrisome things. Psalms 23: "The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need."

After all, Jesus fed like 5000 people with a small fish dinner (minus the fries) and no one left hungry. I can buy a 3-piece with fries, bread, hushpuppies, tartar sauce AND a grape soda, but my doubt is what keeps it from feeding the world.

If the title of this entry offended you, I really want your opinion. I just ask that you read this verse from John, and then leave your comment.

John 3:16 NLT For God loved the world so much that he gave His one and only Son, so that everyone that believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life

You don't have to go far these days to find a religious blog that touches on homosexuality. This is definitely a hot button for most people, and there is no warm or cold on the issue. The same scriptures are thrown out, and the people that scream their point of view yell loud enough that it becomes very intimidating for those that stop to peruse their pages of comments. My concern is that this very vocal and passionate discussion seems to rip the most fundamental idea that I hold of Christ to shreds.

I gather from my limited understanding of the Bible that I am probably a "Gentile." I haven't ever traced my heritage back to anyone past the people that I have seen in pictures, so I can't even validate that claim. I do know this: I had to find Christ, so I was at least a sinner. Even now that I have a stable relationship with Christ, I find myself asking for forgiveness on a regular basis. This reality shows me that I am even now a sinner, saved by grace - daily.

I have been reading the New Testament lately, and am now in Acts (my favorite book.) I am amazed at the beautiful stories of healing and supernatural intervention that take place in that book. People were drawn to Jesus because of what he could do. They might have not known who He was and the significance that His presence on earth held, but they knew of the miracles that preceded his arrival. People would lay in the street to hope to catch even a glimpse of His shadow, seeking the healing that they had been told about. After the cross, they would follow after his disciples with the same zeal.

The common thread that permeates most of the thoughts of homosexuality versus Christianity is that of the definition of sin. I have even thrown my two cents in on occasion and related that this kind of lifestyle is an "abomination." After reading numerous testimonies about people that struggle with this temptation, I am now forced to apologize for my jagged comments. It seems that I am too quick to look past the act that was finalized at the cross. I think that others often get lost in the sea of popular opinion as well, and end up getting swept past the primary cause of Christianity. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. It doesn't mention particular sins anywhere through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John that I've read. These four books tell the story from different vantage points of the life of Christ, and all of them mention just one qualifying factor for forgiveness of sins. You have to exist.

Jesus gave himself to the cross for everyone. That includes all of the gays, lesbians, bigots, liars, thieves, prostitutes, and any other un-savory title that we can print up and attach to people. Next we have all of the racial epithets that I could throw out and pollute these pages with, but I hope you are starting to get the picture. I acknowledge that the homosexual lifestyle is identified as a sin, but so is gluttony, greed, hatred, and many other daily practices that are accepted in our society. It pains me to think that my brick wall of protest could block someone out of the kingdom of God. Isn't that the same thing that the Pharisee's did that Jesus stood so vehemently against? Christ was enraged that people were being seen through the veil of laws and restrictions, and His sacrifice was so that we could be seen through a veil of his shed blood instead.

Let me know your opinion, and offer some ways that we can reach out to those that have been rejected under the guise of religion. I think we can start with the thought that all have sinned, instead of just the gays, lesbians, liars, thieves, convicts, prostitutes and bigots. Jesus saved a failure like me, and it would be terrible for me to not want everyone else to experience that same salvation. I guess that the first step is to do this: reach out and feel for the first hand that touches yours. There are a lot of hands that are floating by, reaching out for someone to cling to. If you don't grab them and pull them to safety, who will?

Hurricane Ike really slammed East Texas. The pine trees that give this area so much of the beauty that it is known by are twisted and toppled in many areas of the city this morning. Power lines and poles have been splintered and destroyed, as are many of the homes in the area. I only have minor gathering of limbs when I leave from work this evening, but many of my neighbors are not as fortunate. I went to my house last night to have dinner with my kids and take showers (gas water heater.) The heat was intense, and the mosquitoes were absolutely relentless. I felt a responsibility to my children to stand firm and unshaken in the midst of this terrible storm, but my world was jolted when I saw the devastation around me. The picture to the left was taken from the roof of a co-worker, and shows a couple of the 7 trees that fell on and around 4 homes that were side by side. Imagine for a second that you had 7 trees laying between you, your next door neighbor, and the two houses across the street from you. What would your state of mind be? His wife had just finished washing dishes when the biggest of the 7 fell through their kitchen. She stepped away from the sink and heard the crash. Turning around, she saw the roof compressed to the kitchen counter exactly where she stood only moments ago in time. I can only imagine.

What I saw this weekend showed me the tremendous resilience of the human spirit. During my drive home from lunch, I saw countless droves of people outside that were attacking their landscapes with intense dedication. Trees were being discarded, limbs were being gathered, yards were being raked, and lawns were being manicured. It seems that those that were affected greatly were in a hurry to put the wreckage behind them. They wanted to get on with their lives, and block out the memories of a terrible weekend. Power could be out in my neighborhood until Friday, but that did not stop people from dedicating their time to make things seem normal.

I sat in my driveway and petitioned God for power to be restored to my home. We have three children, and things are chaotic to say the least when we are displaced from our fortress of solitude. I saw neighbors that had power, and wondered with frustration as to why I was not in the a/c. I drove around, complaining to God of how bad I had things when he started to open my eyes. Luke 24:45 says "Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures." The story line of this passage tells of the return of Jesus, days after his crucifixion and resurrection. He came to the disciples and related to them the purpose behind His delivery into the hands of the enemy. I read this passage in the darkness of the evening, and it broke my heart into pieces.

How many times has God told me of the things that are going on around me, and my response has almost always been - huh? I can see with my eyes the rubble and destruction, but what should my heart see? What am I missing when I complain about the heat and strange smell in my house, when people in Galveston have had to combat 17 feet of floodwater? Why can I not thank God that my roof is not freshly ventilated, and my yard is not newly landscaped? Instead of having my little pity party, I should be praying and interceding for those that are not as fortunate. I should use this time to walk across the street and help my neighbor clean his yard, or work at the Red Cross shelter like my cousin - J-Mod - did on Sunday. Being a Christian does not spare you from disaster; it just opens your eyes to see the bigger picture when people around your are all suffering from tunnel vision.

My prayer today is that God will open my mind so that it can understand his words. I pray that I can have the right words to speak when my fellow-man complains about his trashed yard. I can hopefully provide an answer that comes from beyond my reach of understanding when he asks "Why did this happen to me?" In doing that, a little bit of the world that was dark can be reclaimed by the light. Are you willing to turn the light switch on in your corner of the world?

Over 1 MILLION people are being ordered to evacuate the Texas coast ahead of Hurricane Ike. It is said that the storm itself takes up over 40% of the area that is the Gulf of Mexico, and it is shutting down refineries that will likely send gas prices through the roof. Crude oil prices and the mortgage crisis have delivered crushing body punches to our economy, and it's ribs are bruised and bleeding. We have the election, and oh, did I mention this little thing called the "War on Terror?"

As I watched the news this evening, my mind wandered. I wish we were quicker to prevent devastation before it hits our coastal shores. I would like to see a daily commitment to the elimination of poverty in our country that has the same intensity of the relief efforts that are going on now during the hurricanes. I would like to see us be more concerned about the lives that stand in the path of this storm than the oil refinery that is in Houston. This hurricane is bearing down on millions of people, and we are concerned about the price of oil on the NYSE? You have got to be kidding me! When will we learn to focus on the importance of human life and decent morality and let economics fall by the peripheral? Please pray for those in the path of this gruesome storm, their lives and futures depend on it.

MTV had their annual awards show this week, and something very interesting came out of it. I only saw it on the internet, and it was just in a couple of columns. It was the resurgence of the "promise ring." The Jonas Brothers wear promise rings, proclaiming their resolve to save their virginity until marriage. The host for the night made fun of them for that stance, and several celebrities came to their defense. Jordin Sparks and Paris Hilton were two of the biggest names that came to their side immediately. How many of you heard about this on your evening news?

I love that we take care of our hurting physically, and that is absolutely needed. I just wish we were more interested in offering safe harbor spiritually to those that are hurting. I think that we often miss the boat in that respect. We come to our own rescue to help re-build ravaged lands, and we pour obscene amounts of money into efforts that just bring us back to the state we were in. Offering true comfort to those that are hurting costs us nothing. We don't even have to mobilize concentrated efforts to impact our world in a way that would force peace into a hostile environment. We can offer a room to stay for family of friends that are displaced during this time. We can take blankets to the shelters that will be no doubt slammed for the next week. We can offer up a simple prayer that God will see those through that are in the bullseye of danger. We can just offer a few pennies in God's name to the homeless on the street corner - forgetting our hideously arrogant opinion of what they might do with it. God's word says that if you offer so much as a cup of water to a stranger in the name of Christ, it is like offering it to Christ himself (Matthew 25:34-40.) You can do little things that don't cost a dime, and they become contagious if they are done correctly.


I am playing in an event called "the burn" on Saturday morning at 6. I have been a couple of times, and it is absolutely fantastic. I also hope to go to something called "Soma" on Sunday evening. I have high expectations of each, and I hope to be able to blog about them either Sunday night or Monday - assuming Ike will allow it, of course. I hope to start something like this in Longview. If any of you that read this are interested, let's start praying that God can use us filthy vessels to help reach a community that is struggling to stay afloat. I think that it will be interesting to see what can be done with a few simple acts of God-inspired love.

Have you ever failed someone miserably? I don't mean that you let them down, or didn't live up to expectations. I mean have you ever been the person that someone absolutely counted on, and let that person down when it absolutely mattered? Better yet, did your failure impact more than the one person that counted on you? Have you ever dropped the ball and let down hundreds, thousands, maybe more? Maybe you haven't crushed the hopes and dreams of thousands upon thousands. Maybe you just impacted a couple of lives making healing difficult, creating a need for an extraordinary effort by someone else start the mending process. The intent of today's blog is to ask you what you do to bring comfort to someone that has crushed or has been crushed. Connection - to make it super simple. The importance of having it, and the impact of destroying it.

I watched a video on Timbo Slice's blog (sorry Tim, but that is your new nickname) today about Michael Guglielmucci - the dude that wrote the song "Healer." If you aren't familiar with the story, watch the video here to get acclimated. He asked forgiveness for his total fabrication of the last two years of his life. I was at first angry with what this guy was spewing, even though I had already "forgiven" him a few weeks ago. I thought that he offered the story of the addiction to porn to make himself the victim in the situation. The first take on the newest video was to be furious with him. How many views of Christianity did he screw up? How many would need some serious time before they could trust "those lying Christians" again? Man, what damage we do to each other, right?

It was then that I was told something by a friend that left me void of speech. I seriously opened my mouth expecting words to come tripping out over my tongue, but nothing showed up. For those that know me, this is an unusual occurrence. The person that delivered the news didn't hurt me, but it would have been easier if they would have. I could have offered a clumsy "I'm sorry" followed by a half-hearted hug. One of the people that I had hurt was half way across the country, and the pain had been marinating for a couple of days then. The other was half way across town, but the distance seemed too daunting to cover. I was told a story of how two lives that had been very close to me had split into. I don't know what was worse, wondering if a misplaced conversation had hurried the split, or wishing that I could have been there to comfort and possibly heal the split before it started.

Society has created a lifestyle of isolationism by the increasingly terrible ways that we fail each other. It is a learned behavior, and one that is extremely difficult to overcome. We are taught that we can do anything that we put our minds to, and that lesson is for the most part good. The problem is that we promote the idea of rising above our situations with every possible opportunity. Wait a minute, did he just say that? I know what may be thinking, and just hang with me. Hear me out before you click to the next page.

"Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" is a good thing (thanks for the quote, Pastor Carter.) Making the best out of a bad situation is what makes the best feel-good movie script. What I am talking about is simple. Try not to leave everyone behind in a state of absolute desperation when you pull up those bootstraps and start to walk out. People are depending on you, whether you or they know it or not. To prove this point, pick up the tab for a complete stranger on your way out of a restaurant this weekend. To make it even more poignant, buy dinner for a family of five with three screaming kids and two stressed out parents. To identify this situation, look for food thrown about in a chaotic manner and the absence of any other patrons or waitstaff. They usually sit next to the kitchen to mask the noise generated. I know this because I am usually the dad sitting there, rubbing his eyes and repeating: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." Most of the time, we are quick with phrases like "If you couldn't control kids, why did you go and have three?" Another personal favorite is "You should be ashamed by what you have done to everyone else in this restaurant." We don't have the guts to come out and say these things, but come on and admit it - some derivation of these phrases has probably crossed your mind. They usually run through after a day that has tested your patience to the limits of your sanity. A quick but effective stare with purpose drives home the point. The person on the receiving end of that eyeball missile probably had a day that was just as tough as yours. Keep in mind that your kids (if you have any) probably behaved like little saints, so cut the other guy some slack, will ya?

Sorry to go off on a rant there, sometimes it just feels better to get it all out! Seriously, look around you sometime during your day, or on your weekend. Get away from family and friends, and look at how people react to each other. Some people make each other feel better, and some people make you a fan of being stranded on a desert island. Consider smiling when you walk by someone, or opening the door for a person that has their arms full. You would be amazed at the way a good word improves someones day. The great thing is that words are free! The only investment that is made is the thought before the word is delivered. Act with purpose when you connect with someone, and I am sure that you will see a positive impact. Remember that sometimes the only connection that is needed is that of a glancing blow. Most of the time, this little bump helps to keep the person from careening off of Sanity Boulevard while life sling-shots them forward at breakneck speed. In contrast, think about the damage that a verbal pothole can do to someone that is just at the point of being out of control. Your thoughts give birth to words. Pre-natal care should be used to grow them into something healthy.

Now for the heart-breaking matter of today's post. When you fail the VIP's in your life, how do you recover and reconcile? Is it better to let the pain scab over before you attempt to offer CPR to the relationship? I hope that you are not looking for an answer full of insight because I need an answer to this myself. I have failed many people in my short life span, and I am sick of myself for it. I look at myself in the mirror, and it is hard to stare back at the face full of stupid mistakes sometimes. I know that God is out there, but it feels like He is really out there and out of reach at times. According to many, I have the freedom of choice when it comes to spiritual decisions. Why can't I choose to not make a mess of things? The only good that has come out of this inward-looking evaluation is that the mistakes that I have made with my wife and kids have started to pay off by teaching me some good lessons. I still have a good bit to learn, but progress is progress, right?

To those people that I have failed, let me say this: don't let my failure ruin your view of friendship and connection. We are all vital to each other, and I know this more now than ever. I will not make some crummy excuse that explains away the hurt that you feel, because that would show you that friendship is cheap. Instead, I will admit that I failed you miserably, and I am sorry. If I could cry tears of blood and write a novel with them, I would do so. Please don't see my character flaws as things that are inherent in society. Instead, see that I am just a person that needs to be saved from himself - daily. We all need each other, but the pain of failure comes with that sometimes. We just need the happiness to overshadow those feelings of hurt and pain. I hope that I can offer more joy so that the memories of my failure can be distant. I will not promise to do so, because that promise would be a lie. Instead, I can tell you that my heart should do the talking, because my mouth is absolutely clueless.

Friendship with me will be a job, and I apologize for that. Just know that I don't always fail the people that I care about. However, I wouldn't trust me to hold a bungee chord for you until we prayed the prayer of salvation first. I know He won't drop you.

Please leave your comments, I need some insight from someone.

Man, what a Sunday! This morning, it felt like we were just on the edge of something truly magnificent. The worship was great, don't get me wrong. It just felt like we almost broke through something really special. This was baptism Sunday, and I always enjoy the stories that come from these services. One lady turned her life around from an addiction to meth. She said that her family didn't even recognize her anymore. I fought back tears as her video played.

After the last baptism, we played "Your Grace is Enough," and the response was tremendous. Tim wanted to start with just the kick to get everyone involved, and the entire audience was clapping and getting amped! I think that people are coming to our services these days with a sense of expectancy. We have been able to go to some special levels during worship over the last couple of months, and the feeling is getting contagious.

Pastor gave a message that was direct. I felt like my feet were getting stomped for a good portion of the service. Sometimes the truth is tough to stomach, but that is what is healthy for me. I normally choose the sweet or deep-fried versions of my interpretation of truth, but that only leads to a sluggish and unhealthy spirit. I am thankful that my pastor doesn't shy away from what God tells him to speak about.

Temptation was the focus of today's message, and I want to post a couple of thoughts that came to my mind this morning. In the reality of today's current events, it is easy to get wrapped up in the constant parade of things that shout for my attention. Monday, my son started school. Tuesday, my wife had a blowout on the interstate while coming home. The blowout resulted in 200 bucks that weren't planned for. Wednesday, the a/c compressor on the car went out and stranded Meredith and the kids in the parking lot of a good friend's business. 600 clams later, I was starting to wonder what God was trying to tell me. Thursday and Friday, I watched "Gustav" start his march towards friends and family in Louisiana and Mississippi. I then saw yesterday that "Hannah" is going to follow closely behind. What is the deal? Throw in a holiday-shortened work week, and my head is spinning.

To be honest, I was not in a good frame of mind coming into service this morning. I was overwhelmed and a little frightened with thoughts of how to make life work for my family. I am thankful that God has provided all that He has, because I know some that don't have enough. I guess that I am greedy when I am pressed to want a little more during times like this. I am convicted by my personal struggles when I know others in my life have a much harder path to walk. Today, Brandon Love sent me a text that hit me in my spirit. He was at Wal-Mart when he saw some evacuees that were fleeing in advance from hurricane Gustav. He said that they were just sitting there, and he wished he could help them. Simple geography separates me from them, and that is a sobering thought. What would I do if I were forced to gather my family and leave everything that was "important" behind? How on earth would I be able to keep it together long enough to not freak my wife and kids out? When I think about the things that trip me up in my day-to-day, I realize that I am a spiritual sissy.

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease" is a saying that I have heard all of my life. It means that the loudest thing gets the most attention, regardless of its' importance. Seldom does the manifestation of the problem relay the true cause of the impending failure. It is the result of an intense search that identifies the truly most important area that should be the focus of our concern. That would be called discipline, and I am severely lacking in that department. My grandfather was the master of this character-building tool. He would sit back and take in all of the production, all the while reading the situation for the truth that was in disguise. He was slow to act, but his action was seldom wrong when it arrived to the party. I miss him so much during these times, because he could teach me some great things that could save heartache.

I guess that the secret of keeping your wits about you is to make things take a number. I have to realize that God must always come first. He is never going to push his way to the front of the line and grab me by the collar, so I can't look for a big commotion to find him. He has always been the one that sits quietly in the back of the room, waiting for me to get settled so that He can have my undivided attention. I find that if I go and seek His advice during all of the commotion, usually the chaos subsides and order is restored. Why is it so hard to remember that?

Pastor commented that Satan is a formidable force. He isn't stupid, and he isn't weak. His traps are tricky, and the tools that he uses are specialized for my situation. He has been doing this for quite a while with much success, and his methods change daily. I think that Satan's greatest tool in his attack against me is that he persuades me that he isn't all that stout. In sports, a good offense attacks the weakness of the defense. If a defense can mask their strength so that it is perceived as a weakness, the best offense available is but a puppet at their command. Satan presents himself to me in this way. The key to fighting an enemy with his capability is to find the one that knows all of his patterns and weapons. God is the only one that Satan must submit to, so it only makes sense that I should cling to Christ when the flood waters try to drag me away. In reading about the persecution of Job, Satan had to ask God for permission before he could even approach Job. Man, what a privilege we have as children of God!

In closing, chaotic actions seldom bring order to chaotic situations. Consider the punching bag. It is made to absorb a constant barrage of fists and feet, standing firm for years of use. The manufacturer of this item took the environment of abuse that this training tool would be subjected to into consideration during the initial stages of it's design. In the same way, our Heavenly Father knows what we are going to face before we can even see the event start to materialize. Jesus knows the struggles that temptation brings, because he too was tempted by Satan. It is during these chaotic times that I must wrap my life line around me. I have to tie myself to Christ to be able to weather the storm. I must also listen to Christ when he tells me to evacuate, so that I am not left to navigate the storm with no compass.



Please pray for those in the Gulf Coast area as they are in harms way during the hurricane season. After the flood waters retreat, pray for healing and restoration. Geography is the only dividing line between us, but it should be physical and not spiritual.