I need to say thank you to those that are praying for me and my family. On Monday, a person that I have never met face-to-face sent very inspiring words of support. She prayed for a family that she had never met, and reached out to her friends on behalf of that same family. While the distance of a country separates us, the love of Christ unites us. We intend to visit New York one day, and we will visit Sara when we are there. I will take her cookies and a hug as a reward for helping a total stranger. Thank you, Sara - I ask that God will reward you for your servant's heart.

I went to my church on Monday to get a ladder to repair a security light that I should have fixed some months ago. It did not occur to me that they would probably be in a staff meeting, but I am very glad they were. My awesome friend Tim was leading the meeting. I was going to try to find someone else to help me instead of interrupting, but Tim came out to see what I needed. When I told him about everything, he asked if they could pray for me. I can honestly say that I felt numb at this point. My body was going through the motions of life before I walked into that room. My soul had been ransacked, and I could not feel the prayers that were going on for me and my family. I felt like I had been thrown to the ground, kicked, beaten, and bruised. They gathered in a circle and prayed for me, and the effect was entirely amazing. I struggled to hold back tears, and tried to give off the image of strength. My spirit lay in ruins, and my heart struggled to have enough strength to accept the love that was being sent my way. That prayer circle opened up the window to my soul, and started to let the breath of Christ clean up the mess. I loaded the ladder and left in tears. I broke down as I pulled out of the driveway, and sobbed as I drove home. My God has blessed me with such tremendous family in my church. My family and I are so very blessed. Thank you, LFA, for your heart. I pray that God blesses you with all that you hope for or desire.

Yesterday, my cousin called me as I left from work. I had a tremendous conversation with her on Sunday morning, and I am thankful that she lifted my spirits before I knew that I needed them to be lifted. We both dedicated ourselves to prayer for each other through the week. She called to strengthen me with her beautiful words of support. If you have never heard Jackie speak, you would not know what I mean by beautiful words. Her voice is soothing, and her presence is lovely. I am so very blessed to have her in my family. Dennis is her husband, and he is a rock of strength. He is the type of man that never shows fear or worry (at least to me.) Their kids (Josh and Emmaly - I hope I spelled it right) are close to my age, so I grew up watching Dennis and Jackie be new parents. I can remember that their household went through some terrible times, but they never appeared to be falling apart. They showed me strength, and that strength is what gets me through times like these. Their kids are amazing, and I need only to look at them to see examples of how Godly instruction manifests in Godly children. I love them, and they love me. To the Modisette family - may God give you his riches so that you always see His provision. May He bless you with the love that you bless others with.

Last night, Amy brought my family pizza for supper. She blessed us so much with her generosity, and I honestly do not have words that can express the gratitude that I would like to. The only words that I have are "Thank You." I realize that this is not an especially eloquent utterance, but realize that it comes from the deepest part of my soul. You and your family are a strong point for me and my family when the waves hit us. I believe that God placed you in Longview, and I thank him often for doing so. You and Tim helped to wipe the blood from our forehead, and clean the dirt from our wounds. I am so thankful that I have friends that are compassionate and dedicated. I do not deserve to have that, but I am glad that God gives me what I don't deserve. I pray that God will light your path, and make it holy. I pray this because your path often takes you to people that are hurting, and hurting people need a holy place. May God bless your hands to that you can feel him work through you. May God bless your eyes so that you can see the love of Christ play out in front of you. May He bless your mind so that you can fully comprehend His purpose for you. May you always be blessed.

To the strangers that came across this blog and said a quick prayer - Thank you. Know that I pray for you as you prayed for me. Know that where a few are gathered, they beckon the attention of God. May God bless you with the safety and security that you gave me.

I could go on and on with the list of those that prayed for me. My parents, my children, my co-workers - they all have blessed me with kind thoughts. My mom walked around the perimeter of my property on Sunday night. She prayed for me and my family, and she prayed over my property. She rebuked satan, and she prayed for restoration. Her words were such a blessing to me. I am amazed at how much she still teaches me when I am willing to listen. She didn't have such a great childhood, but she gave me the best that one could ask for. Her and my dad are what I hope I can be like one day. She came back on Monday, and annointed my home with her prayer once again. She reminds me of Peter and Paul in the bible. I wish that I could speak to satan the way that she does. She is the visual representation of strength and confidence. My dad called on Monday night to wish my wife a happy birthday. He is what love is. His heart is pure, and his dedication is absolute. He shows me what grace and mercy are all about. I love my parents. Mom and Dad - I don't have the words, but you know.

My wife has been the strong point through all of this, and we will get through it because of the power of "we." That "we" includes our union - My wife, My God, and me. I can no longer survive on my own, because God joined our spirits. She is the completion of my thoughts, the cultivator of my hopes, the caretaker of my dreams, and the celebratory shout in my life. She is also the crutch when I am broken, and the medicine when I am sick. She is my strength, and I will not go through things without her. God taught me love when He brought her to me.

We find little things each day that remind us of the intrusion into our lives, and every crack or creak in the night brings fear. Every time that I walk from my room to check on my kids, I feel that I am robbed again. My peace has been shattered, and it will take a while to pick up all of the pieces. Please continue to pray for me and my family as God heals and replaces what was taken. We are not able to stand on our own yet, but I simply could not let another day pass without thanking those that have thought of us. The word of God tells that we overcome by the grace and power of God, and by the word of our testimony.

My word of testimony is this: Thieves may take the material possessions that I have piled up, but they can never take the promise of salvation that I have in Jesus. Satan will fight me, and I will be tempted to give in. He does this because he knows that there will be a day when he cannot even lift his head from the earth. He will be pressed and suffocated by the presence of Almighty God, and God's presence will fill the void that he so desperately tried to create. Nothing on this earth happens without the expressed consent of God, and I do not need to understand the meaning behind what happens to me. I only need to understand that Jesus is my salvation. God is my heavenly father, and He will always be my champion. The Holy Spirit is my comfort, and in Him do I trust. Praise the name of Jesus! His name has the power to save and heal. He alone can restore what satan has taken, and his restoration is complete and absolute!

From the very bottom of the deepest part of my heart, Thank You.

To the coward that broke into my house and robbed me yesterday: You don't know me, and I don't know you. You should be thankful for that. Yesterday, my little girl was in the emergency room with an IV coming out of her dainty little perfect hand. She had fever over 105, and she was not doing well. After 5-1/2 hours of sitting in that little cramped room, we were able to come home and try to get ready for the new week. You were in such a hurry when you left that I was not able to fill you in on her progress. She is doing much better. My littlest boy is now sick, but we have meds that will help him.

I wish that I would have come in a few minutes earlier, because I would have been able to catch you in the act of violating me. FYI - you would have not been as happy about this. All in all, it is a good thing - both for me and for you. I know that what I would have done would have haunted me for the rest of my life. I hope that the cops were wrong. They said that you would probably come back to finish the job that you started. The most dangerous thing that you took with you is my anger. Please stay away and allow God to take that anger from you.

Know that I am praying for you - as hard as that is to admit. My hatred for you is only human, and God is stronger than that. For that, I am truly thankful. I know that the attacker that is behind what you did is satan. I know that you are only a pawn that was used against me. Satan is the true coward, and he will not succeed. God is much more powerful than anything that can come against me. I just want you to know that God can save you from yourself, just like He saved me.

It is unfortunate for us that you robbed us on the evening before my wife's 30th birthday. It was terrible to know that the very little bit of money that I could have spent on her would now have to be spent repairing the few things that you broke. It was spiritually devastating that we had to spend our day in the emergency room, and our night thinking about your intrusion into our life. You didn't know our circumstance, and you can't be held responsible for that.

You had no idea that we have had to spend money that we didn't have in the last few weeks to get our car repaired. You didn't see the anguish on my face as I took a job that forced me into a pay cut so that I could spend quality time with my family. The roar of silent pain that flooded my heart when my wife had to start working evenings to help pay the bills was not heard by you. You aren't in the grocery store to help us find comfort when the food prices go through the roof. You don't hear the turmoil in my soul when I try to find little glimpses of light despite the gloomy picture that seems so immense right now.

The beautiful thing is that I don't have to live in the "right now." I live in the hope of a brighter future. The things that you stole were priceless to me and my family. The jewelry and other items that you took from my wife will not ever be replaced because I cannot replace time and memories. What we have that you could not take is what holds our heads up now. Salvation through Jesus is a gift that knows no bounds. It guarantees that we will be provided for. It proves the test of time, and it lives in a place where moths and thieves cannot touch it. I hope that you experience this salvation soon. Life gets much too short in your profession.

To all that read this post: please pray for me and my family. We are being tempered in the furnace of fortitude, and we are at the melting point. Most people that I have spoken to say "well, at least you have your health." The truth is that our health is in question as well. I am fighting strep throat, my little girl was hooked to IV's for most of the day yesterday, my smallest is fighting strep right now, and my oldest will catch it before the week is done. I know that the darkest part of the night is right before the dawn, and that is the only thing that is keeping me from doing anything foolish. Please pray that the sunrise comes soon.

Below, you will find lyrics that I wrote today. I was able to spend the lunch hour outside, enjoying the awesomeness of Fall, and I felt these words in my heart. I made a major choice yesterday that finally brought me closer to where I feel that I need to be with God. I have felt like Jonah for the past 6 months, and I think that God is about ready to spit me out onto the beach. Let me know what you think of the lyrics. I will hopefully be able to get with my friend Tim and put some melody to this. When that is done, I will post for you to critique.

Your Light
Verse 1
Through the darkest night
In my hopeless place
The nectar of despair
Is my only saving grace

Chorus 1
Crying out, with my hands raised, I yearn for your embrace
I long for you to touch my heart, And take me out of this dreadful place

And into your light
Into your light
That’s where I need to be
Where I long to be

Verse 2
Father, please see me
In the light of your sweet mercy
Don’t see me as myself
Or through the mistakes I’ve made

Chorus 2
I’m not as much as I’ve claimed to be, but through your love I can be anything
All I want to be is yours, and this is why I sing

I wanna be your light
Consumed by your light
I’m giving myself to you
Don’t give me back until you’re through.

I'm sure that there will be a bridge of some sort, but I don't want to go building bridges to nowhere. let me know what you think.

So I was just watching a little TV this evening, and a commercial came on for a new movie that is supposed to be hitting the box offices sometime in the coming weeks. The title is "Zack and Miri Make A Porno." As I sit here, I start to wonder. I don't watch things that are rated R, and I am careful as to what my kids watch. I have the parental locks active on my TV, and I try to screen the different children's programs that they watch. I take an active role in telling my kids right from wrong, and I watch what I do and say to make sure that I don't inadvertently teach them something that they don't need to hear coming from daddy. I want to be the parent that answers questions with the truth. Seeing this commercial, I can only imagine the conversation that could come of it.

When I am watching sports, my kids ask things like "Why is the football not round, daddy? Why is the baseball white? Why does the man in the race car spin around when he wins, daddy? Is he mad at the other racers?" You get the point, right? I can only imagine the question "Daddy, whats a porno?" How would you answer that? I am offended at the proposal that I might have to answer it. I have seen the commercial a few times, but it just hit me tonight. Is this what I want my kids seeing? I remember a time where evening TV could be safe for families unless you were watching certain stations. The ABC's, NBC's, and CBS's were usually safe ground. After the commercial, I started really analyzing the sound coming from my set. I sat in horror as I realized the content that was puking itself from my satellite box. I realize and appreciate that the world will seek to influence my children - that fact is inevitable. I just had to come to the harsh reality that I did not fully know my adversary.

Be an advocate for your children - they need it.

Saturday, I helped out with the volunteers from my wife's co-workers from Target. We worked on a house for the Brown family in a part of town where luxurious living is some what of an enigma. I saw numerous homes that were built by Habitat for Humanity in the neighborhood, and I was touched tremendously.




























All in all, I had a great time. I left with sore hands, stiff muscles, sawdust in places that I won't describe here, and an overwhelmed heart. It amazes me how little that goodness is promoted. I saw a group of people - not contractors, electricians, carpenters, or amateur do-it-yourself-ers. Separately, we would not make much of an impact on people or culture. Binding ourselves together in a spirit of community and hope, we were able to bring a project closer to completion that will be a home for someone that desperately needs it. I learned that a building is a structure that is systematically planned and deliberately constructed so that it can secure something or someone. I learned that a house is a building that offers people a place to live. I learned that a Habitat Home is a house that is insulated with love, hope, and peace. It is built on a foundation of compassion and gratitude. The nails are driven with grace and joy, and the roof is comprised of faith.

I spoke with people that were normal volunteers for Habitat, and the stories that I heard have changed my life. All of the volunteers that were on this job were gracious. I didn't hear any mumbling or complaining until the time neared that we were to go home. People wanted to stay and do more, but the time to leave had come.

I arrived at the work site with an attitude of cynicism. I wondered just how much that this would actually do for these people. I saw homes all around that were littered with garbage and visual examples of criminal activity. To be honest, I didn't want to give my time and valuable effort to someone that would mis-use it. I saw a few people that I was sure were there because they had to be. I was certain that one had received a home himself, and the other was there on court-ordered community service. My heart was crushed when I learned that they were there to just give what they had. My "christian" attitude was checked when I was shown the way to a true servant's heart.

Their language was not clean, and they each had a sketchy history. I heard stories of divorce and the aftermath of hatred that was left. I heard of mistakes that had been made, and lessons that were learned. I sat back and listened, unable to say much because of the breaking of my heart. I judged these people and had convicted them of immorality before I had even heard their voices. I have a lot to learn about being a servant, and these people have shown me that.

I look forward to helping on these homes on my weekends. For those of you that want to help, visit the website for Habitat for Humanity. Get involved in your community, and remember that every project that you help with doesn't have to be directed by your local church. Through volunteering at a soup kitchen, a homeless mission, or Habitat for Humanity, you can bring your local church with you. More importantly, you can bring the Master Carpenter - Jesus.

I intend to be there when they say "Welcome home, Brown family. Welcome Home."

What inspires you?

I came to the realization last night that I have not tried to make connections outside of the 4 other people that live in my house. I feel like my purpose on this planet is to make connections, but that is an extremely terrifying thing. I feel that other people that are in my situation in life are in the same boat, but are too proud to admit it. We don't want anyone to see the weakness in our armor, because that makes us susceptible to the strength of another. Taking on the world by yourself seems to hold a certain mystique; a badge of honor. The sad thing about succeeding in this endeavor, however; is that you are alone when you reach the finality of your pinnacle. You won't have anyone to share your joyous shouts of achievement. Success then becomes something that is very hollow.

I am going to step out on a limb today. My wife and I were not able to host small groups in our church this session because of different life hurdles, but that doesn't prohibit us from being an active part of someones small group. I can find reasons all day that would gracefully exclude me from participating in a group, but none of them really hold water. This has prompted me to make a list of things that I wanted out of a small group.

Connection with people in my life situation.
Connection for my kids that is separate from the adults.
Friendship that lifts us up.
A safe haven that families can run to.

Lastly, I want to be in an atmosphere that invites others that aren't saved or "Churched." I think that this point is more significant than anyone knows or cares to admit. Too many times, I have seen people sickened by the way that they are treated by well-meaning church attendees. People get so wrapped up in their own ideas and thoughts of what "Church Membership" means that they miss out on the most important part of Jesus - Love. I want to have a group in my church that reaches out and calls for those that are down on their luck. I want to be able to show the glorious revelation of hope to those that don't even know that they need it. I want to go and find those that are too hurt to even search.

The story of the shepherd is a recurring strain throughout the bible. A shepherd's true worth is not shown by standing in the gate and calling for the lost sheep, it is shown when they go out and search for those that are stranded. That means climbing up hills, and crawling through valleys. That means that you look until your eyes are clouded, hear until your ears are suppressed, and feel until you are numb. This is heavy on my heart, and it tells me that I am not doing enough. I hold the answer to life in my heart, but am too comfortable to step out and share it with others. Maybe that is the reason that my waters have been troubled lately.

I would love nothing better than to be able to start a meeting somewhere in this city that does not involve the mention of church. I would love to have a place where people can go to have wholesome conversation about real life. I think that this would be the ultimate outreach tool, but where does it start? What is that first step that must be made so that there can be a second step? I would love to be able to leave my working career and focus on this kind of ministry, but where do I find the guts to do that?

I am going to pray for this specifically, and I ask that you do the same. Please pray for my city. We are in a fight for our eternity, and far too many have lost that battle. Please pray that God will have his way. I don't think that He has placed these feelings in my heart for them to stagnate. My mind is a whirlwind right now, and doubts are circling around me. All that I have to cling to is the wonderful realization that Jesus rose from the grave that He went to for me and my city. This alone gives me confidence that He can do anything. God created the heavens, the earth, and all that is in them. He must allow things to happen before they can take place!

Let me know your thoughts...

So, I am writing. I have finished an introduction, and am started on the first chapter. Here is a little window into my strange mind. Hope you enjoy!

I have to level with you – I didn’t realize that 30 was upon me. I always thought of 30 as an abstract painting on a wall at the end of very long and dimly lit hallway. I couldn’t see it, and it didn’t bother me. The problem: I’ve spent my 30 talking and worrying about everything else that has gone on around me. I have hurt and been hurt by those close to and far from me. I have had the privilege of playing in the rain with no fear of my appearance. I have enjoyed nights of nothing but listening to the rain on the rooftop. I have slumbered under the canopy of the trees with the stars above as my night light. I have seen things that no one should see, and realized just how great I have it. Life has shown me a few of her mysteries, and I have been both scared silly and silly with excitement simultaneously. Friends have come into my life, and then disappeared without warning. Laughter has poured from my heart until it produced tears from my eyes and milk from my nose. Love found me and blessed me with a marriage and 3 wonderful children. The family blessed me with a mortgage and the pressure cooker of a budget. When you cook things in a pressure cooker, it forces them to cook much faster. It also tenderizes – just so you know. Looking back, I guess that I can't call all of these things problems at all. They are just experiences - some good and some bad. Experience is what colors the canvas of life, and no color would be a terribly drab picture.

There is definitely something cooking...I can smell it. What does it smell like to you?

First, let me say a few things about last Sunday. Our church had it's annual picnic, and it was outstanding! I will try to get my hands on some pictures to show you how it went. My dad and I cooked 14 briskets, 35 pounds of sausage, a big turkey breast, and a pit ham. We started cooking last Wednesday and finished with everything in the smoker Sunday morning. Estimates are that 350-400 were fed, and I would say that number is a bit conservative. I was enthralled by the fellowship and community that we were able to engage in. It was a spectacular event that will linger in my mind for some time.

Now for this week...

Do you ever feel that God is forcing you into growing your faith? My wife, kids, and I are having to wade through some junk right now, and it isn't fun. Whenever I start to think about problems with finances or other trivial drivel, I feel convicted. I think often of the stories that I have read of how God intervened at the last moment in some very critical situations. Usually, He had to act because no one else would have been capable of offering conclusion to the matter at hand. I am strengthened because I know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I have hope because of the things that He has done in my past.

I am glad to be in this situation because I often forget that. I pray for the joy that the man in Acts 3:8 felt. I yearn for the power that Moses felt when he left Egypt with God's people in tow. I desperately want to know the peace that Horatio Spafford felt when he wrote his awesome song.

I only have to look, and it is all around me. I only have to offer, and my fear will be taken. I only have to trust, and all will be resolved. I am a child of Almighty God, man! My life was bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus, and He sent his Holy Spirit to comfort me because my eyes couldn't see Him. God placed me in the palm of his hand, and that is what strengthens my neck so that I can hold my head up. I will shout with joy when my head is raised, and not waste time by bowing it to ponder worrisome things. Psalms 23: "The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need."

After all, Jesus fed like 5000 people with a small fish dinner (minus the fries) and no one left hungry. I can buy a 3-piece with fries, bread, hushpuppies, tartar sauce AND a grape soda, but my doubt is what keeps it from feeding the world.